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A Conversation on Talking to Your Younger Self About Sex

Transcript

Dr. Judy:

Opinions. We all have them, especially when it comes to love and sex. So what happens when two people who've never met get to share their opinions in an open and honest conversation? Maybe they learn something about the other person, and maybe they learn something about themselves. I'm Dr. Judy and this is "Well, In My Opinion." Today, we're asking the question, "What would you tell your younger self about sex?"

Skylar:

Your wife's going to weaponize it one day and there's nothing you can do about it because they have the upper hand. You're going to be okay. I'm sorry. I was just having a moment with my inner child. He’s right here.

Nicole:

I think I would have told my younger self "You have all the power. Don't you forget that."

Skylar:

That's pretty much what I just told my younger self in a different way.

Nicole:

Yeah, it took me much longer.

Skylar:

That was my vantage point of the same thing.

Nicole:

You should have learned it at a younger age.

Skylar:

Okay. Did you see him though? He's got a Cardinals shirt on, Zucca Joe gum, and he's just so innocent. Pre-wife. He's right there. He's a good kid, you know? It's like a torpedo. They look beautiful coming at you. Have you ever seen a torpedo glide? It's like, "Oh my God, it's wondrous." But it's literally about to ruin your life. You know?

Nicole:

What?

Skylar:

It's like, "Whoa, look at that. Look at that glide towards me, it’s coming straight!" It even has a cool sound. It comes at you. If you see a torpedo—watch Crimson tide—they're beautiful. They're works of art. And then people are dead. Wives are destroyed. Kids are whatever.

Nicole:

What are you even talking about?

Skylar:

I don’t know.

Nicole:

Are you talking about my vagina?

Skylar:

Yes.

Nicole:

You just called it a torpedo?

Skylar:

Yeah.

Nicole:

Okay.

Skylar:

What I thought when I was younger is that there's always time. When I saw the movies where the kid’s knocking on the door—

Nicole:

You still always think there’s time.

Skylar:

Well, but when the kids are knocking on the door, I really legitimately thought that's just a screenwriter trying to come up with some funny thing. And it's not just like, "Hey, is this a good time?" It's "Get the fuck out of here. I want Cheerios." It's a whole fucking thing. It's tough. So I think I'd tell my younger self, "Yo dude, get it in while you can."

Nicole:

I think you should tell your younger self that morning sex is just not a thing after you're married.

Skylar:

Yeah. Well, you should tell my wiener to line up with that.

Nicole:

You should tell your weiner to line up with that.

Skylar:

I can’t talk to that guy. Have you ever tried talking to him?

Dr. Judy:

One common misconception of younger people is that having sex longer means that it's somehow better. Statistically though, most people saw that sex is best when the act itself goes on for somewhere between seven to thirteen minutes. So much for having sex all night, guys.

Juni:

I would, I would tell my younger self anal hurts.

Anthony:

Yeah. Let them know that in advance. Start preparation no. Start preparing now.

Juni:

Yeah. Practice? Get some toys, because the more that you practice, the more comfortable you feel doing it.

Anthony:

Yeah. Okay. Funny story: When I was a kid, I had this big crush on this girl, but I remember I was too afraid to talk to her. Then one day I come home and this girl was in my house and I'm like, "What the hell?" And I'm like, "Mom, what's going on?" She's like, "Oh, her and her mom, they're going to be staying with us because they're struggling right now." My mom is one of those people that if someone's struggling—a friend or family—she's going to be like, "Just stay with us." So she's staying with us. 

I go to my room and as night comes, I'm thinking, "Is my mom going to let me sleep in the same room as this girl? There's no way." So my mom was all like, "Oh, you're gonna sleep in my room?" And I'm like, "No, it's fine. I can sleep in my room." And she's all like, "But you're gonna have sleep on the floor cause I'm gonna give her the bed." And I'm like, "Oh, it's fine." She's like, "Are you sure?" I'm like, "Yes, go." 

So I would tell my younger self this—or maybe this would be horrible advice—when we were laying down I was thinking "Okay, make a move on her, make a move." She just laying down—she didn't say a word to me. But she's in bed. And she's just rolls over and she's like, "Hey, so do you want a kiss?" And I'm like, "What? You're just giving this to me?" But I didn't know what to do. All I knew was like kissing and stuff like that. 

So we start kissing and stuff. And I'm wondering, "Why is this shooting up?" She's asking me "Why does it keep doing that?" I'm like, "I don't fucking know, man. I can't control it." And she's all like "What is happening?" So I'd probably go back in time and tell him, "Oh yeah, you need to go handle that. You need to go put that over."

She didn't know anything either. That's probably what I would tell him. 

Juni:

I used to think that sex was this thing reserved for being in relationships or being in love or being with somebody. For me, it would take such a long time to build up trust and wanting to have sex with one person. It wasn't until I got much older that I was able to make that distinction of like, "You can just have sex for fun."

Anthony:

Of course.

Juni:

Not like you need to be in love with this person. And so not until I was able to just switch that mindset, was I able to just like—

Anthony:

That’s a really good point. I never thought about that. That's something I did think about that too. Do you have to be in love with a person to have sex? But then when you sort of realize, I can be a hoe.

Juni:

Yeah, yeah.

Anthony:

It's free.

Dr. Judy:

I think the most common thing that I hear from people when we talk about this idea of what you might tell your younger self about sex is that they wish they waited a little bit longer. Their first sexual memories tended to be kind of embarrassing, kind of haphazard, and not all that special. And so sometimes it might actually be good to wait for somebody special to have that first sexual relationship.

I'm Dr. Judy and this has been "Well, In My Opinion."

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