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A Conversation on Dating With Kids

When it comes to the modern dating scene, the probability of dating someone with children is on the rise. Research indicates 88 percent of single parents in the United States are women while only 12 percent of single parents are men.

If you’re single and dating in your twenties or thirties, there’s a higher chance of encountering other single people with children from past relationships—some people in that scenario may not want to have additional kids with their future partner. That’s why it’s crucial to be transparent with potential partners about your stance on having or not having children.

Transcript

Dr. Judy:

Opinions. We all have them, especially when it comes to love and sex. So what happens when two people get to share their opinions in an open and honest conversation, maybe they learn something about the other person and maybe they learn something about themselves.

I'm Dr. Judy and this is Well, In My Opinion. Today, we're asking the question: Would you date someone with kids?

Skyler:

It's a great experience. I recommend it for all. Nothing could go wrong. [sarcasm]

Nicole:

Nah. I wouldn't.

Skyler:

I love your children. So, as much as it's been difficult, I love them and they change my life. So it's like, it's just kinda like how a soldier is proud to have gone to war and protect its country. Like I, it's a battle that is worth fighting, but it's not for the weary. Woo! Family law court is a great place. It's a great, great place.

Nicole:

I think if something were to happen to you and I was to get remarried…

Skyler:

By the way, you watch ID channel way too much to say that phrase hypothetically. So go ahead. Did you hear that threat? If something were to happen to you? [whispers] I know how to do it [joking]

Nicole:

I think I would want to have a partner that already had children because then they would know what it's like to have kids already. But at the same time—

Skyler:

That's quite a blended family. Now you got three baby daddies, if that happens.

Nicole:

And then their spouse gets married and then there's a new stepparent on the other side, it's complicated.

Skyler:

It gets complicated. But like, there's paperwork that you have to do to like, you know, I have my last name that I've always had.

Nicole:

Oh yeah, I don't have…we have four last names in our house.

Skyler:

So like, there's my step kids, her first two kids, they have their own last name. Then you have your birth given last name.

Nicole:

I never changed it.

Skyler:

I have my birth name and last name, but we gave my twin boys that we had together, which is the fourth name, my professional last name, which is not my legal last name. So there's four names.

Nicole:

But he goes by his professional name.

Skyler:

It's confusing. You gotta there's things that are just going to be different. There's family law court dates. There's when they become teens, even though you've punished them their whole life, all of a sudden they're looking at you, like, you know, you're not my dad, don't punish me. And you're like, Whoa, wait a minute. I've been punishing you for a long time.

Nicole:

Yeah, just forget it. No kids. Actually, I don't recommend children for anyone. Like just be single.

Skyler:

Your four kids are gonna see this.

Dr. Judy:

If you're single and looking for love, the probability of dating someone with children is definitely on the rise. One in four parents in the United States are single. It turns out that 88% of single parents are women while only 12% of single parents are men.

Juni:

I would love to have somebody that has kids because I mean, I can't have kids. I've tried many times, but I just can't seem to get pregnant.

Anthony:

Honestly, I was going to ask, but I was like, I don't want to sound like a dick, but I'm like, I feel like that favors you a little more just because it's like, since you can't have kids, it's like, someone you're with already has 'em, that's just a bonus. You know what I mean? Especially if you love that person. It's funny you said that.

Juni:

I keep trying and it's just not happening.

Anthony:

The belly's just not popping out. Give it another try. It'll come sooner or later.

I mean, I think maybe in a couple of years I'm talking to someone and they had kids already. Maybe like one kid, just one, I think I could do it. Like they had, you know, their kid was youngest, but that I could do it. I think that there are things that might affect the relationship because there might be times where we can't hang out or we won't be able to do things because of that.

But also do you think it's weird if I'd want to be a part of that kid's life if me and that girl was taking it seriously? Like instead of, you know, doing stuff like date night, we go to the park with the kids, you know what I mean? I think I would love to be a part of that kid's life. And then eventually also have my own kid with that person that I just like, I'd have to be a little older though.

Juni:

You know, I would love to have, like kids of my own at some point. But I think that also just like, if you date somebody that already has kids, I guess depends on how old the kids are. Because I've dated somebody that was older and their kid was like, you know, like almost my age. So, that's a little strange, but no, like somebody…

Anthony:

I just thought about that right now, And I was like, "Huh." You walk into someone's house and their kids like, "Hey man." I'm like, "Who are you? Didn't I have chemistry with you? You're talking to my mom?" Oh man. "Just call me dad now." Yes.

Juni:

So younger kids, for sure cause I feel like kids are so much fun.

Anthony:

When they're older, it's a little weirder, definitely a lot weirder. But if they were young and I knew that person wanted me, was okay with me being a part of that kid's life and going out with them and doing family activities, I'd love that. But I think it can also get controversial. You know, if they're not really trying to make time for you. And it's understandable because like, it's their kid. But not making any time for you at all, like kind of texting back slowly, you know, uh, being with the kid 24/7, it's like, you have to respect that your priorities are with your kid right now. And I understand that, it's just not your time to be with the person right now.

Juni:

How would you feel that if you do start dating somebody and they have kids and like now this kid is like, you know, calling you dad or seeing you as a father figure, like how does that make you feel?

Anthony:

I think it's cool.

Okay. So my dad's not a part of my life and it didn't affect me in the way I thought it would. I really don't care. You know, my mom has been a superhero, so I haven't felt like I didn't have a dad because my mom was always doing both parts. But there were times where I wish I could talk to my mom, like, "Why am I feeling this emotion when you know me and this girl, when I see this girl?" Things like that, that I just didn't feel comfortable with talking to my mom about.

And I do wish I did have a dad, but now I'm a lot older. But my mom has just recently started dating again. And she's dating this guy and it's fucking amazing. The dude, he's teaching me stuff that I should have been learning about when I was like five or six. I mean, he's teaching me stuff about how to change the transmitter in a car or like how to, you know, change the filter on a pool. Like, I mean just little stuff like that means so much to me. And I'm so much older now, but I'm like, "I shouldn't be learning about this now." Like I don't call him dad, but he is like a dad to me.

So to answer your question, I don't think it'd be weird because I think some kids need that, you know, that father figure or that role model in their life, that they can look up to, to talk about the things that the mom may not be the best, despite how much the mom might try to be the best at it. I think at first it was kind of weird if they're just like, "Hey dad," it's like, "What? What'd you just call me?" But you know, I would love that they can see me as someone that they can trust.

Juni:

When guys tell me to call them Daddy it's for a different reason.

Anthony:

I had a feeling. Probably. Possibly. I also can relate to that, but not the way that, not the sentimental reason that I thought.

Dr. Judy:

Like it or not, there's more and more single parents out there. And especially once you get to a certain age, say your twenties or your thirties, you're going to start encountering people who are probably really good romantic partners, but come with children. So it's important to talk about that with your partner, because sometimes people who have kids from a previous relationship may not want to have any additional kids. If that's something that's on the horizon for you, it's better to have that conversation.

I'm Dr. Judy and this has been Well, In My Opinion.

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