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A Conversation on Truths a Partner Must Know

Transcript

Dr. Judy:

Opinions. We all have them, especially when it comes to love and sex. So what happens when two people who've never met get to share their opinions in an open and honest conversation? Maybe they learn something about the other person and maybe they learn something about themselves.

I'm Dr. Judy and this is "Well, In My Opinion." Today, we're asking the question, "What's one truth about you that your partner needs to know?"

Brennon:

I'm a recreational drug user.

Brennon:

Uh, no, just recreational drug user, you know? I think that I need to be straight up front. If I'm out there doing a line and I get caught—nothing worse. Or if I'm coming home, I just took some acid. Saying I like to enjoy myself.

George:

If your partner's not cool with it.

Brennon:

You just decide to deal with them questions about "When are you going to quit?" Cause I'm not, I'm not an addict or anything like that. I like to party, you know what I'm saying?

George:

I've had partners before be like, "I'm not really into smoking or the smell and stuff like that." And to be honest with you, I'm not with them. I'm not necessarily trying to be with someone who isn't on the same—

Brennon:

Level?

George:

Not the same level—

Brennon:

If they’re cool with it—

George:

It's like you want to smoke a blunt in your apartment and they don't like the smell of it and it's like you want to hang out with them but also you don't want them to be annoyed or feel uncomfortable.

Brennon:

At that point in time, you should not care.

George:

Right, exactly. So leave.

I think I would also probably tell them that I'm super OCD. I definitely, really like to have things my own way. As soon as I make a mess, I usually clean it up. As I'm cooking, I'm usually cleaning it up. I just like to have everything orderly. I probably reorganize my closet multiple times a month. Yeah. I think I just be upfront and be like, that's something about myself that most people probably aren't very similar to, or it might turn them off a little bit that I'm constantly trying to keep the vibe right.

Some people are just like, "Okay, like chill the fuck down. Like, it's fine if that rice crispy wrapper’s on the floor," whereas I literally will walk up and throw it away. I have friends who recognize it in me and they'll let me do my own thing because they know if I don't do it—if we're hanging out or I'm setting something up, I'm cooking, whatever—I will not have a panic attack or freak out. I'm so bottled up. I won't emotionally tell you what I'm thinking, but inside I'll literally be like, "Ahh!"

Brennon:

I had this one relationship in Wisconsin. It started with—everything was cool, cause that's how it always starts. They’re cool with the you, no matter what.

George:

Right, that’s how it always starts.

Brennon:

A week’s gone and it’s like "Oh, I see you smoked some weed all day."

George:

Oh, she had a problem with you smoking weed?

Brennon:

Yeah. I'm a respectable guy. I go outside and do my thing, you know? And then it just became more and more of an issue. And I said, "Why is this an issue? I smoked when you met me the first time." "But I thought she was gonna get better."

George:

She never smoked?

Brennon:

No. She smoked cigarettes, but she never smoked marijuana. With me, marijuana is—there’s nothing wrong with it. It's perfectly fine. I'm like, "This is always going to happen." I don't know what you're hoping for.

George:

I’m not just going to stop one day.

Brennon:

One day, I'm like, "Hey, this is the day that Mary Jane will not be part of my life." It just doesn't happen that way.

George:

Right. She’s your first girlfriend.

Brennon:

Exactly. My only one. The only one that never turns her back on you. She’s always there when you’re down.

Dr. Judy:

Turns out that not everyone is speaking the truth. One in five people say that they are keeping a major secret from their spouse. Just one of many reasons that it's important to communicate directly.

Nicole:

I wish I would have known about your late night eating habits, 'cause I kind of picked up on it.

Skylar:

There were warning signs.

Nicole:

There were warning signs, but I didn't know how crazy it was.

Skylar:

You kidding me? One of the things that was attractive to me about this girl: we go out to Wendy's—

Nicole:

I want a double stack.

Skylar:

You were in my car, I’ll never forget this. I order my order like a fucking pro, right? "Number two, extra mayo, light lettuce, Dr. Pepper, light ice. And also I want to do the dollar add on for five nuggets. I look over to Nicole and you just had a fucking like Steve Martin ordering coffee in LA story, like "I'll take a half cab, double decaf with a double whip—" You literally were like, "I'll take a double stack, add the triple, do this, carry the one, fries on top." You had a whole fucking Wendy's order that you just fucking knew.

Nicole:

I can throw down. I used to be able to.

Skylar:

And then I was like, "Fucking hot chick eats Wendy's? Oh, okay."

I wish that I knew that sometimes my wife just gets a little jumbled. So what she wants to say, she doesn't say. So she might be like, "Hey, could you hand me that paper towel?" And then you'll handle the paper towel. And then she’s like, “I'm sorry. I meant the fork." And you're like, “You know, you just said—" She'll just tell me to do something—you don't say what you're thinking.

Nicole:

It doesn’t compute always.

Skylar:

I've never met someone in my entire life that has a harder time closing cabinets and drawers. Every time I walk into a room it's as if paranormal activity three is being filmed and everything is open. Everything is open. It's just the easiest thing to do.

Nicole:

But since you are so good at it, you obviously care about that so much more.

Dr. Judy:

Everybody keeps some secrets for themselves and that's okay, but the truth about you that your partner needs to know is whatever you think is the most important thing about you. You can't hide the most important thing about you from somebody you're going to have an intimate relationship with. So when people hide the truth about what they truly want in life, whether or not they want a marriage or not, whether or not they want children or not, what they want to do in terms of having a job or maybe taking a step back and being a stay at home, those are most of the common things that come up that can wreck a relationship later if that wasn't discussed in the beginning.

I'm Dr. Judy and this has been "Well, In My Opinion."

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