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A Conversation on Dating Apps

In modern culture, dating apps are a convenient way to connect with other people for dates, friendships or even networking. Despite these options provided at your fingertips, some people are frustrated with the idea of convenience over quality. 45 percent of American adults using dating apps say they’re frustrated with the overall experience, while 28 percent say they’re hopeful to find what they’re looking for.

One advantage of dating apps is the preference options users can display on their profiles—cutting down on the amount of time it takes navigating the world of online dating. Relationship experts encourage people using these apps—whether it’s for dating, hooking up or making friends—to be upfront with other users about what they’re seeking.

Transcript

Dr. Judy:

Opinions. We all have them, especially when it comes to love and sex. So what happens when two people who've never met get to share their opinions in an open and honest conversation. Maybe they learn something about the other person and maybe they learn something about themselves.

I'm Dr. Judy and this is "Well, In My Opinion." Today, we're asking the question: should people use dating apps?

Bruce:

I'm going to go on that side of, I don't like app dating just because it puts up this judgmental thing of like, you're seeing this person, you're basing them off of looks. You don't know them until you sit down with them until you sit down with them actually, and get to know them. And I think it's much better to find people or persons when you're out doing what you love.

Jamie:

And everybody's so fake online, you can't trust a person's picture or anything online. So you're making judgements about people, whether you like them or not, off something that's probably not real in the first place. I guess if it's like you're just looking for somebody to hook up with for a night, then it's easy. Cause it's like the grocery store, like sure that's fine. But if you're looking for a relationship, I always say, "Go live your life, do the things that you love to do. And you're going to find somebody in that world."

It's so much more fun to just be out in the world and connect with somebody and then have a conversation and be like, "wow, the universe just totally brought this beautiful human to come into my life." It's to me, it seems so much more rewarding, but I might be a little old fashioned.

Bruce:

I agree. I totally agree. And I think it's, it gives us a cop out because when you're texting someone it's easier to talk and it's easier to, um, up yourself, up your game a little bit. And I think it makes people, I actually think it makes people lonelier.

Jamie:

I think w I think it's different for men and women too on dating apps because I've like jumped on for small periods of time. I don't think I've ever stayed on one for more than like 24 hours, because I just get creeped out. It's like super creepy. You just get a lot of people that are wanting to talk to you. And the energy, the energy from men is like really scary, not scary, but just like creepy. It's just like, they think that you're in, like, you're just there only to get busy. And you're like, yeah. So to me that's always a little creepy too. It's like, "Oh, I don't even know if you're smart or funny or interesting." And those things are what turns people on.

You just would be amazed how many guys are like, "You're hot. Would you like to fuck?" and "Whoa, like, no." Wow, really? You just, you would never, you would never go up to somebody in person and be like, "hi, my name is… would you like to have sex?" That's you get that energy a lot.

Bruce:

I feel bad for women in that position because it's like, they just want to feel special and loved like, just like a lot of men want to too. But I mean, just to feel like a piece of meat is kind of like it's, it's, that's what I don't like.

Jamie:

I'm sure you hate feeling like a piece of meat when the ladies are like, Hey…

Bruce:

I don't get that often, but…

Jamie:

[Laughs]

Dr. Judy:

Dating app users can be a little sour on their experience. Forty five percent of users say that they are frustrated and only 28% report feeling hopeful, but there is reason to be optimistic. The National Academy of Science has found out marriages that began online were slightly less likely to end in divorce than marriages that began in the real world.

Trisha:

I have a lot of friends who are in really great relationships with people that they have met on dating apps. And my whole thing when the dating app phenomenon kind of first happened, I was so like, like I meet enough people in real life and like, I don't really care to meet more digitally. And I also think it's kind of weird.

Suzanna:

So like, I'll know right away if I don't like someone based on their voice alone, sometimes. I'm like, ah, can we FaceTime first for like five minutes? Just so I know it's not an automatic "No." They're like, "Um, I'd rather not, but we can." And then I'm like, "Yeah, just don't worry about it." Then I'm just going to not go at all. So I've never been on one of those.

Trisha:

I think that meeting someone on an app on a dating app, it's really important to plan a date and meet them in person. Because I think that it's another layer of people to be able to hide their truth.

Suzanna:

So it's like, people are so different in person.

Trisha:

Exactly.

Suzanna:

Yeah. It's important to like, don't talk too long on the app, like go meet each other and make sure.

Trisha:

I think that a lot of people put too much trust in the app in terms of like, oh, everyone that I meet is going to want the same things out of this that I do. And it's like, you have to just go into it without expectation, like of that.

Suzanna:

Oh my God, my cousin once, I get a text from him, and he was like, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I just accidentally swipe right on you on Tinder. I was using my rapid swipe right method. And I was like—

Trisha:

It's so funny though.

Suzanna:

Sure. Rod, I know you want to have sex with your cousin, you sicko.

Trisha:

I've had friends, guys and girls, show me people that they've matched with on their respective dating apps. And they're like, yeah, I'm going to go on a date with this girl. So I'll ask to see your profile and I'll look at her picks and be like, dude, she is not your type at all. And they're like, yeah, but you know, I just kind of was bored. And so I like swiped right.

Suzanna:

How do people have time to like go on dates with, or "be bored?" I don't know.

Trisha:

Well, because people are sitting in their houses and they're just, you know, rapid swiping or whatever. And then they, if they match with someone, that person writes them, they get in a conversation and they're like, "Okay, yeah, I accidentally swiped right on you, but now we're in a conversation, so like we'll grab drinks," but also "I like am not attracted to you" or like, you know what? I don't even care. I'm just gonna, I just want anyone who is within a square mile of me.

Dr. Judy:

One advantage of the dating app is that sometimes a lot of important things are laid out very quickly, whether or not the person smokes, lifestyle choices, values, whether they want kids, whether they want marriage. And I think that some of that information upfront is nice because you don't end up wasting time. You really know what's important and what you're looking for, and that can actually help to accelerate a relationship if it has the potential to be serious.

I'm Dr. Judy and this has been "Well, In My Opinion."

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