Apply Love Languages to Your Sex Life

We all have different ways in which we give and receive love. That’s why author Gary Chapman coined the concept of “love languages” and wrote several bestselling books on the topic.

After years of counseling couples as a pastor, Chapman realized that the ways in which each person feels loved can be broken down into five categories:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Acts of service
4. Gifts
5. Physical touch

It’s critical that you know your own love language and your partner’s, so you can communicate your love in a way you both understand.

Understand your love language

Let’s look at the five love languages in more detail. Most people have one love language that suits them best, as well as secondary and tertiary love languages they also respond to strongly.

If your love language is words of affirmation, you’ll likely want consistent compliments and reminders of your lover’s affection. They don’t have to be extravagant. A simple “I love you” or “You look good today” will go a long way.

If you feel loved through quality time, you’ll most likely enjoy spending time with your partner doing things you enjoy. It could be an elaborate adventure or simply watching TV together. Regardless of what you’re doing, you’ll thrive most when your partner is actively listening to and engaged with you.

If you receive love through acts of service, you’ll feel most loved when your partner goes out of their way to do something helpful for you. Whether it’s taking out the trash, picking up the groceries or making dinner even when it’s your turn, small acts of service will be the best way for them to show their love for you.

Gift giving and receiving is another love language with which you might identify. You’ll feel most loved when your partner gives you something to show you they were thinking of you. It’s not about the monetary value—it truly is the thought that counts.

People with physical touch as their love language feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection from their partner. They don’t always have to be sexual; something as simple as a quick kiss or holding hands can go a long way.

Learning your own love language and your partner’s could easily improve the communication and intimacy in your relationship.

Aside from taking the quiz on the 5 Love Languages website to find out your love language, Chapman also suggests taking note of how your partner expresses love and what they complain about most often. If you’re trying to show your partner affection by picking up more chores around the house, but they really just want you to tell them that you care, you might be experiencing a disconnection that could be easily remedied.

How to incorporate love languages in your sex life

You can deepen your relationship by including love languages in your sex life. If you’re not sure how that would work, here are a few tips:

If your partner values words of affirmation, you’ll want to practice your dirty talk, especially compliments and flirty come-ons. Praising your partner in bed will bring their enthusiasm—and your shared enjoyment—to new heights.

If quality time is how your lover feels affection, you should practice being fully present in the bedroom. Slow down, make eye contact and listen to what they want. You may also want to set aside dedicated time to set the mood and make the experience feel intentional rather than spontaneous.

Actions really do speak louder than words if your partner likes acts of service. Try to be more selfless in bed by devoting an entire night to their pleasure without the pressure for them to reciprocate.

If your partner desires physical touch, you’ll want to focus on the smaller gestures of affection aside from the obvious physicality of sex. You can build up anticipation with playful touches during the day, try an erotic massage and definitely spend more time on foreplay.

If your partner likes receiving gifts, consider some sexy surprises, such as toys, flavored lubricant or lingerie—for them or you. Your alluring presence can be a present itself.

Applying love languages to your sex life is a great way to enhance your sex life whether you’ve been dating 20 days or 20 years. Finding and implementing the right love languages for you and your partner can add spice and make both of you feel more connected to each other.