Is Pegging Safe?

We live in a period that brings many of us unprecedented freedom, when cultural norms and dogmas are actively questioned and dismantled daily. One still hanging by a thread is the conservative view of men as stoic, assertive and consistently dominant creatures in bed. If we follow this outdated assumption, then people who want to be perceived as masculine shouldn't be submissive or, God forbid, get pegged.

But it's 2023—it's about time we open up the conversation about pegging. 

"We need to continue to talk about pegging and really all things anal in order to help eradicate the shame and stigma that's associated with anal play," said Evan Goldstein, D.O., an anal surgeon in New York City, as well as CEO and founder of Bespoke Surgical and co-founder of Future Method. "That includes discussions like these in the popular press, pop culture and social media."

This article will address some of the most common pegging questions, including "What is pegging?" and "Is pegging safe?" and—of course—"How do I try it?" 

What is pegging?

The word "pegging" was first coined in 2001 by sex columnist Dan Savage. It's a sexual act or position in which a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo. Of course, all genders and sexualities can enjoy anal sex using a variety of sex toys, but the term pegging specifically refers to butt play and anal penetration of a man by someone who's, critically, not a man.

Why do some men enjoy pegging? The answer is multilayered, likely including social and personal factors, but universally, pegging stimulates the prostate gland, which is surrounded by sensitive nerves.

"On an anatomical level, the prostate's main function is to aid ejaculation by helping to push semen out of the penis," said Kate Delgado, resident sex educator at Lioness, an Oakland-based manufacturer of smart vibrators and other sexual technology. "Anally penetrating a person with a penis provides direct stimulation to the prostate, which can lead to orgasm."

Is pegging healthy? The benefits of pegging 

Pegging is an opportunity for men to feel the thrill of taking a different role in the bedroom and could lead them to achieve orgasms in a different way. The act requires vulnerability, trust and communication, and provides a new dimension to sexual relationships.

Goldstein said much of the appeal of pegging has to do with access to the prostate and related sensations felt throughout the pelvic floor. When a man is pegged, the prostate is stimulated, leading to next-level and enhanced orgasms.

He also noted that being pegged can be good for the pelvic floor. Since pegging requires full trust and communication to be successful, a man learns to let go of control and fully relax, which is beneficial during normal defecation and heavy-lifting techniques during exercise. This makes it easier to resolve future hemorrhoid issues because a well-practiced man can control his anal muscles and decrease local pressure.

By being on the receiving end of penetration, a man can gain a new level of appreciation and understanding for receiving, regardless of the orifice. This allows him to become aware and more attuned to what works, what doesn't, and the importance of open communication.

How to try pegging: First-time success suggestions

Here are seven tips and tricks to help you and your partner make your first pegging experience a memorable one—for all the right reasons, that is.

Talk it out

Before you get wild and kinky, you need to discuss your pegging plans in advance.

"Communication is key, and that goes for before, during and after it happens," Delgado said. "Before you go for it with a partner, it's so important to discuss the details. How do you each feel about poop? Are you going to start small with fingers before moving on to a strap-on or dildo? What's the safe word if someone changes their mind? Does either partner have any specific access needs to make the experience as pleasurable as possible? What will aftercare look like?"

Prioritize foreplay

Like with any other kind of sexual intercourse, foreplay is essential. With pegging, it's especially crucial as some men may feel anxious and uncertain. Foreplay is a way to relax and ease into an unfamiliar act.

Foreplay can include anything from kissing to oral sex, and should eventually include an anal massage and fingering to ease the muscles and make penetration easier.

"Getting as aroused as possible before anal penetration is so important," Delgado said. "Find ways to ease yourselves into pleasure before anal penetration. When you're more relaxed, so is your anus."

Dominatrix and wellness professional Queen Pea, based in Minneapolis, also recommended foreplay.

"The anus will welcome play the same way a vagina does," she explained. "We can play around the outside and stimulate the same way we can with a vulva. Your partner will actually begin to relax, get excited and open up for you, almost calling you in."

Lube is your best friend

"A good anal lube goes a long way and a lot of a good anal lube goes even further," Delgado said. "When it comes time to penetrate the anus, be generous with your lube. Add more than enough to both the anus and the penetrating digit/toy. Since the anus doesn't self-lubricate, lubrication will help minimize pain."

Goldstein echoed the sentiment: "Because the anus doesn't self-lubricate like the vagina, you'll need copious amounts of lube for any kind of anal play."

"The main thing to keep in mind for safety is that the rectum in each body is a pleasure wonderland but also has very vulnerable tissue," Queen Pea noted. "You want to use the right kind of lube for pegging; thicker and longer-lasting. Oftentimes it's silicone- or dimethicone-based, not water-based."

Take time to prep

"The key is understanding both the anal and pelvic floor anatomy and the functionally/motility of both," Goldstein said. "The ass and all of its surrounding structures are like an accordion instrument. The goal is to get the skin to accommodate and the muscles to fully relax. It takes time to orchestrate both correctly. While it may seem like overkill, I recommend anal dilating over four to six weeks first to gradually work the tissues and muscles. Once you have mastered the gradual progression of dilators, pegging can be done routinely."

The dilation process may also ease the mental aspect of pegging.

"What's great about the anal dilation process is it's typically done alone, so you don't have to worry about performance anxiety," Goldstein added. "You can take your time learning about this new part of your body and exploring what you like and what you don't like at your own pace."

Queen Pea has a variety of options she likes to use for pre-peg dilating.

"Essentially, you won't start out with a gigantic dildo for someone's first time," she said. "Fingers are great to start, and glove up if that feels more comfortable, especially to avoid sharp nails or cuticles. Otherwise, toys like butt plugs or small dildos are fun and functional."

But it's not just stretching that goes into anal prep, Goldstein noted.

"One thing to keep in mind is that for each day you practice dilating and/or pegging, some days we need to do contractions, whether that's at-home Kegels or squats at the gym," he said. "Just like our biceps and triceps, we need both stretching and contracting. The anal muscles are no different. We want them to be able to open fully when we want them to and close completely when we are finished."

Go slow and mind your thrust

Trying various positions is fun and exciting. Depending on the angle, different sex positions lead to shallower or deeper penetration. Everything else comes down to experimentation to find what feels the most comfortable and pleasurable. But there's an FYI...

"There is no limit to how much pegging you can do," said Sylvie Bee, somatic sex and relationship coach at Sex and Sensibility Coaching in California. "Much like any other type of intercourse, you have as much as feels good to you and how much you'd like to have. When it no longer feels fun or good, stop or take a break and have a snack."

"Pegging is not a race, but if it was, slow and steady would win," Delgado said. "Slower, mindful thrusts and movements will help identify what angles and depths feel great and which don't."

Use some products, but avoid others

Helpful anal accessories don't end with lube and dilators.

"CBD suppositories are a great way for those new to pegging to relax and lubricate the anus before play," Bee said.

Goldstein added that suppositories, such as ones with cocoa butter, as well as an anal exfoliant and a soothing cream can be used after anal play.

However, Queen Pea emphasized in no uncertain terms not to use one product.

"Do not use numbing cream! You want to gauge sensations. Intense sensation should not include pain, and lack of lubrication can cause tearing," she said.

Follow up with aftercare

"Reconnecting after pegging is so important and this might look different from couple to couple," Delgado said. "The key here is to meet each other where you're each at and plan to reconnect in a way that honors both of your needs."

There you have it.

There's no denying society has conditioned us to believe men should avoid being vulnerable and submissive. It naturally follows that the very suggestion of pegging (even with a trusted partner) makes them less of a man.

But that's not true. A man's masculinity shouldn't define who they are as a person, and even if it does, there is nothing more manly than exploring and experimenting with power and sex—by means of pegging, no less—in this day and age.