How to Enjoy Sex with a Height Gap
It's a tale as old as time, but many people—especially cis women—find taller partners more desirable. Whether it's a primal response we haven't quite yet evolved beyond, or just a genuine preference, height differences in relationships and between sexual partners are incredibly common.
And what if you're having sex with someone significantly taller or shorter than you? Can a height difference influence the sex you have, and the pleasure you derive from it? Are there any sex positions that don't work?
Dating coach Mandy Mee said it's "less about height and more about what role both parties are willing to play" in the bedroom. It's important to consider weight and flexibility, too.
"Is your partner able to lift you into different positions? Can you have both legs underneath your head or over theirs?" she said. "If not, figure out which positions your body can metamorphose into."
'Missionary is basically impossible'
Tasha* is a 24-year-old from Hampshire who has been with her partner for four years. She's 5 feet 7 inches and he's 6 feet 4 inches and has always found tall people attractive, as it makes her feel a sense of protection.
"I'm very submissive in bed, and I think being with a giant helps me feel dominated," she explained. While she feels the height difference in her relationship isn't that huge, in reality, it "massively" impacts their sex life.
"Missionary is basically impossible unless you happen to enjoy being crushed by a man's hairy stomach," she said. "Very occasionally, we give it another go and are reminded of why we never do it—when he's almost head-butting the wall and my face is being squished by his belly and chest."
Fortunately, missionary isn't her favorite position, so Tasha doesn't feel like she's missing out.
Standing up sex is also off the cards because their waists don't line up. "Not only is my partner extremely tall, but he's 90 percent legs and his hips are really high up," she said. This means doing it doggy and cowgirl are the safest bets for "not falling over" or getting "accidentally suffocated."
'I wasn't a size queen before…'
For Kirsty, 43, from Lancashire, sleeping with someone taller than her is a new experience. She is 5 feet 3 inches and has been dating her 6 feet 5 inches partner for six weeks.
"I find the thought of the height difference slightly amusing if I'm honest! I like it, though. It makes me feel dainty and cute," she said.
As it's early on, the couple is "at it like knives." But Kirsty doesn't believe their heights have much impact on enjoyable sex. "I think the fact I'm fairly flexible might be on our side. No matter his height, I can still put my legs on his shoulders," she explained.
Like Tasha, Kirsty said sex standing up with both of their feet on the floor isn't an option. "But he can lift me easily, so it's swings and roundabouts," she said.
Instead, they go for on-the-bed positions like doggy, cowgirl or reverse cowgirl. "We haven't found any of these impacted by our difference in height, either to enhance or hinder," she said.
"I just like the fact that he's big and strong, and also...proportionate. I wasn't a size queen before, but he lays the appropriate groundwork and I'm having a lot of fun right now!"
'69 doesn't work'
Annie*, from London, has never cared that at 5 feet 2 inches, her 6 feet 3 inches partner towers over her. Although the 31-year-old teacher does remember walking beside him when they first started dating and realizing just how tall he was.
"I thought, I hope he doesn't think we look ridiculous walking down the street together," she said.
Apart from the fact that 69 doesn't work, which Annie doesn't care about anyway, she feels the height difference hasn't impacted their sex life. "Although I guess positions that involve him picking me up do work better," she explained.
Reflecting on her attraction to tall men, she said, "It's probably not brilliant of me, but the appeal of a tall partner is probably really basic. My mind goes, 'He is bigger. He can protect me. I'm a tiny woman.' It's probably quite 'cave person,' actually."
How to have sex with a height difference
Sitting sex positions are recommended by Lovehoney's sex expert Annabelle Knight, as "with one partner straddling the other in a sitting position, it doesn't matter how tall either of you are." She also said spooning sex should work for anyone.
'It's less about height and more about what role both parties are willing to play in the bedroom.'
The next best thing you can do is invest in a sex wedge or simply fold the pillow in half. "They help make otherwise difficult positions significantly easier," she said. "Doggy-style can be hard to enjoy when one partner's hips are lower than the other's. It's much more fun with something helping to raise one partner's hips or give their knees a bit of a boost—and easier to sustain with the added support throughout."
Ultimately, it shouldn't really matter if there's a height difference between you and a sexual partner. As long as you're willing to be open, try different ways of doing things, and communicate what works (and what really doesn't), your sex should be just as pleasurable as anyone else's.
*Names have been changed.