So Your Wet Dream Wasn't About Your Partner...

Whoa.

That was some dream. Things got…steamy, shall we say. And now you're feeling guilty because whoever was in the dream with you—a friend, your boss, your ex, whoever—isn't the person sleeping next to you now, blissfully unaware of your no-good, cheatin' heart.

Sweet dreams (are made of this)

First of all, dial back the drama. You weren't cheating. You were having a dream. You were no more cheating than you were piloting a submarine or delivering a book report to your whole class wearing only underwear. None of it actually happened, and nothing in your dream should be held against you.

Let's make the distinction crystal clear: If you had a dream about cheating on your partner, you didn't cheat. It's the same way that obsessing about a mid-afternoon snack in the office every day won't add an inch to your waistline...unless, of course, you eventually give in to those peanut M&Ms calling your name. You didn't cheat; you just thought about cheating. Or did you even do that?

Brains are weird, and we can't really control them. Even when we're awake, sometimes unwelcome thoughts and impulses arrive in our heads unbidden. It might be a nasty comment you'd never say out loud, or even something as simple as a song you can't get out of your head. A cheating dream doesn't make you a cheater any more than a catchy earworm makes you a member of KC and the Sunshine Band.

And that's just when we're awake. When we're asleep, we have even less control of our brains. That's what dreams are: During our sleeping hours, our sensory input is limited, so our brain makes up sights and sounds.

Wildest dreams

But still, let's face it head-on: You had a dream where you were cheating on your partner, your ride-or-die, your soulmate. It has to mean something, doesn't it? Maybe. But possibly not what you think.

As George Michael sang, "Sex is natural, sex is fun." But in dreams, sex is also a metaphor. If you're having sex with someone in a dream, it doesn't necessarily mean you're considering doing so in real life. Your brain is simply expressing a relationship. Does the person represent something you want? An attitude, a lifestyle, a level of success? Sex might be your brain's way of thinking about getting closer to that. It may even be your brain processing seeing that person's face on the street or on Instagram. There's really no way to know.

Ultimately, what's more interesting than the details of the sex in the dream is the emotional content. In the dream, while it was happening, how did it make you feel? Was it exciting and fun? Were you worried? Did it feel dangerous or was it decidedly great? That's where the real value of dreams lies. Our brains take emotions and associations and construct vibrant, primal stories with them. And death and sex are pretty much the two most primal things there are.

Strip away sex, and you still have an emotion between you and the other person. In your dream, you're interacting with them and producing a certain emotional response. More than the sex itself, that's the more interesting factor to focus on.

Dream on

What about your partner? Did they even figure into the dream at all?

If not, you probably shouldn't worry about it. The dream wasn't about them, and since you're in a relationship with them, it's also probably not about your relationship.

If the focus of the dream wasn't about the sex your dream self was having, so much as about your getting caught in (or after) the act, then maybe there is something more you should consider. Not necessarily about the sex itself—still a metaphor!—but about betrayal or broken promises. Do you feel like you're letting your partner down in some way? Are you keeping something secret from them that might hurt your relationship?

Cheating in a dream isn't necessarily a sign of unfaithfulness or even of any passing desire to stray. But it may be your brain's way of dealing with guilt just the same. Betrayal can come in many forms, and it may just be our brain's shortcut to transpose that feeling to something sexier. To find any message there, separate it out from the sex and see what else it might have to say.

But above all, cut yourself some slack. A dream is just your brain amusing itself when you're not around to tell it "no."