Giddy Presents The Naked Truth: Navigating an Open Marriage

I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed professional counselor-supervisor in Austin, Texas. I've been in practice for 14 years, including working in corporate settings, higher education and private practice.

If you have questions you want to be answered in future columns, send me an email at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. Privacy in all matters of intimacy is very important to me and any questions answered in this column will be entirely anonymous.

Enough about me, let's talk sex.

My wife and I stopped swinging because of her body image issues. We now have an open relationship, but I'm having difficulty navigating the scene without her. How do I know if she is still into me or just being nice?

River in Louisiana

Body image and sex are complicated and the simplicity of "being confident" is not always enough. It sounds like the open relationship—especially if it is a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement—may be exposing some of your insecurities, too.

No worries, my friend. I think this question poses a few points that are better navigated thanks to the trusting foundation built into your marriage. And you can run with some of these ideas if they seem like a fit for both of you.

I love marriage. And what I really mean to say is that I love the idea of a solid foundation built on trust, loyalty, transparency and a commitment that comes from all things faithful. People forget to recognize that nonmonogamy is not based on cheating or sex addiction. In any kind of commitment arrangement, there are qualities that make the arrangement work regardless of the titles they include.

One of my favorite partners ever was probably the most committed and truthful to me even though we never labeled things a commitment. Our arrangement was based on connection, friendship and honesty, and I truly believed in him with trust. As you navigate the idea of being in a long-term relationship, remember this: Love is infinite.

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While we don't run out of love, we do run short on time. How do you go about providing and seeking affirmation from your partner? She plays a key role in how you feel about yourself but has agreed not to be your everything. Having a beer at the golf course when a beautiful woman catches your eye does not imply that anything further will come from it. Taking some time to explore communities for polyamory, swinging or nonmonogamy will provide you with a safe space for sexual networking.

Body image can be such a crock. All body types vary and they have an attraction to all. Curves are sexy and age is sexy. All body types are attracted to others and pose an attraction to mates. If you're trying to manage loyalty to your spouse while exploring other potentials, place yourself in an accepting community that will embrace you for being nonmonogamous.

I am happy to hear that people are being nice. Unfortunately, I am also known for being nice—evidently, too nice. I hate misleading the room because I treat people with respect, listen with a non-abrasive ear, and, heaven forbid, smile at strangers. That being said, always feel confident in saying "Thank you." Know what your intentions are and steer clear of any advances that you would not put out there if it were just another new cool buddy of yours.

Getting out there in an open relationship with a partner who is monogamous can be hard, especially if they were your running buddy. Respect others, love yourself and express gratitude to your partner while fulfilling your love and commitment style.

Again, I'm not shy, so feel free to ask me anything. Remember, this will always be anonymous. If you have any questions about relationships, sexual activities or your partners, let me know. Tell me your first name and the state you live in so I can attribute your question. Please email me at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. We will always respect your privacy.