Giddy Presents The Naked Truth: How Do I Get Someone to Like Me?

I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed professional counselor-supervisor based in Austin, Texas. I've been in practice for 14 years, including working in corporate settings, higher education and private practice.

If you have questions you want answered in future columns, send me an email at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. Privacy in all matters of intimacy is very important to me and any questions answered in this column will be entirely anonymous.

Enough about me, let's talk sex.

I feel like there is no one out there for me. I've tried dating apps, going out to clubs and even small get-togethers. I feel like everybody is just out for themselves. What can I do so that someone will like me?

Jennifer in Arizona

Finding a partner who feels truly compatible can be more frustrating than exciting, especially if your attempts at connecting with potential interests leave you feeling rejected.

So let's break down where to invest your energy and efforts and where not to:

• Explore your individual wants and needs.
• Know your worth.
• Respect the energy you put into the world because it will be the energy you receive.

We all take strides toward trying to invest in ourselves. Those strides could include gaining knowledge—congrats on reading this article, you just gained some brownie points—being kind to others, or applying self-care or discipline to your life.

Keeping up with what others see in your value takes away from self-validation, so I encourage you to really look at what you have to offer as a human being and share it with the world.

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When I meet new people, I see this as an experience to share a conversation or offer the gift of listening. I value my cultural background, my identity within my career, my friendships and my worldview on the human race.

Your own confidence and self-esteem stem from your past and present and aspirations toward the future. If you’re getting the vibe in new conversations that someone is just out for themselves, conserve your time and energy for someone who clicks with you, because your precious minutes should be saved for somebody who deserves them.

Wants versus needs can be interpreted in many ways, so I break up the two.

I express needs as a truth to knowing my functionality in relationships. I need attention, affection, truth, loyalty, transparency, etc. However, I also want fun. I want smart conversation balanced with carefree humor and sharing the love of hobbies and interests.

I know I like to eat at the bar rather than at a table, even in a fancy restaurant. I know I invest in people I care about and show up when it matters. I know I am a leader in most spaces, but I crave nourishment by being cared for and not feeling like I always have to be on.

The gratitude we share with ourselves and others supports who we want to include in our lives. Thank you to all those exes who made me feel rejected and want to jump off a bridge for a hot second. Thank you to the random acquaintances who had me second-guessing my abilities to be liked. Thank you to the best humans I call family. Thank you to my family for receiving me as myself.

If we display disheveled and chaotic energy, we will probably attract as much. If you're feeling down and vulnerable, somebody manipulative could spot you as easy prey. Consider your intentions when trying to make new connections and let your vibrance and strength be what they are attracted to.

If you're feeling low, take time for self-care rather than diving into a deep pool of potential rejection or people who are not really the type of connection you see yourself attracted to.

Be yourself and realize this is us coming together and acknowledging our strengths as they are, because it all matters. Because we matter. They are out there. They are waiting for you, too. Be ready.

Again, I'm not shy, so feel free to ask me anything. Remember, this will always be anonymous. If you have any questions about relationships, sexual activities or your partners, let me know. Tell me your first name and the state you live in so I can attribute your question. Please send me an email at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. We will always respect your privacy.