Giddy Presents The Naked Truth: Why Aren't Our Dates as Much Fun Now?
I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed professional counselor-supervisor based in Austin, Texas. I've been in practice for 14 years, including working in corporate settings, higher education and private practice.
If you have questions you want to be answered in future columns, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Privacy in all matters of intimacy is very important to me and any questions answered in this column will be entirely anonymous.
Enough about me, let's talk sex.
We used to have such great dates together, but even when we do go out together it's not as much fun as it used to be. Am I doing something wrong?
Abigail in California
The first dates are always best because they are novel. Adjusting to what you see in the person or rather accepting what you do not see should be the first tell on what has changed in your dating process.
When I was 14, I thought the best date ever was getting all dolled up to see the first "Toy Story" with a boy I liked in middle school. Now, I see dates differently and the thought of wearing pajamas and bringing a giant blanket to share seems unbeatable. It's not about the date; it's about who you are hanging out with, so how has the fun changed?
I think we place a lot of emphasis on the excitement of the new experience, but realistically the wit and banter of it all is what I would call sustainable. I don't think you are doing something wrong. You could simply dig a little deeper and learn what your partner finds fun and enjoyable.
My preference is always to have the best experiences at home on a patio cooking and flirting together while listening to your favorite music and learning how to make each other laugh. At the movies, there can be a disconnect because it's not conducive to conversation. At a restaurant or happy hour, the distraction of lively conversation with others or interruptions from a server may interfere with the basic love and laughter that could erupt.
Dates are fun because your company with your partner is fun. If it feels stale or stagnant, consider storing up a list of questions on your phone and surprise each other with what you still have not shared with each other.
It is also OK to reflect every now and then to see if this person is truly a good fit.
Again, I'm not shy, so feel free to ask me anything. Remember, this will always be anonymous. If you have any questions about relationships, sexual activities or your partners, let me know. Tell me your first name and the state you live in so I can attribute your question. Please email me at email@example.com. We will always respect your privacy.