Sex and the Penis: A Visitor's Guide

Perhaps unsurprisingly, science-based oral sex techniques are hard to come by—most studies focus solely on sexual health—but anatomical knowledge tells us plenty about how to perform the perfect blow job.

Because both the frenulum and glans are so sensitive, due to their disproportionately high concentrations of nerve endings, sprinkling some tongue stimulation in among rhythmic sucking will give short, sharp jolts of pleasure to a partner. Be sure to create distance between your teeth and the tip of the penis—don't scrape, for obvious reasons—and don’t be afraid to use plenty of spit to reduce friction. Don’t be fooled by porn, either: deep-throating is far from sexy if you pause every two seconds to gag.

Circumcision and other factors can influence sensitivity, and not every penis can be brought to orgasm through oral sex, so honest communication is vital. “The best way to pleasure someone with a penis is to ask them [what they like],” said urologist Paul Turek, M.D. “After all, they have more experience with it than anyone else!”

Penis-in-vagina intercourse (PIV sex) is often a mainstay for heterosexual couples, and on a cultural level, it's sometimes treated as the gold standard for sex.

This is a mixed blessing: On one hand, PIV sex can be highly intimate and sexually satisfying for both partners. On the other, it can be burdened by 'scripts' that cause pressure for both partners, including the idea that men shouldn't come "too fast" and should wait for women to reach orgasm first. 

Intercourse alone won't bring most women to orgasm, though, so these scripts can be unnecessarily stressful for both parties: Men feel performance anxiety if women aren't shuddering after five minutes of pumping, and women feel like there's something wrong with them if this isn't the main way they get off. It's all, well, pretty unsexy.

Luckily, by drowning out the background noise and not treating it as the be-all and end-all, PIV sex can be mutually pleasurable. But you've got to talk to each other: Men like foreplay too, but a 2004 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that couples often just guess what their partners want. As a result, the precursors to great sex—like making out and intimate touching—are often rushed, when in reality they’re handy tools to get both parties lubricated; reducing pain and friction.

Finding the optimal position is another key consideration, and you probably don't need to engage in over-the-top acrobatics: Most couples prefer the heightened intimacy of face-to-face positions, according to recent Czech research published in Sexual Medicine. Building a good, steady rhythm is important, and don’t be shy about breaking things up with sessions of "dry-humping" or oral sex, which can help to prolong the act and increase pleasure for all involved.

Nothing kills pleasure faster than anxiety. Penises can be unpredictable, and issues such as erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation do arise for a variety of reasons, some of which are more mental than medical. “Most often, failure of erection is due to stress,” explained Turek, who also alluded to the idea of "performance anxiety."

If you do encounter any roadblocks during your visit, the best approach is to ensure your partner’s stress levels don’t spiral. Tactful acknowledgment can help to alleviate awkwardness, and this can be non-verbal—remove the penis from the equation and go back to making out. Gentle reassurance can further pave the way to better communication, and longer-term solutions can include medication and other treatments (more on that later).

When it comes to premature ejaculation, edging—a stop-start technique designed to delay orgasm—is another approach that can be incorporated into kink scenarios and role play. Ultimately, when it comes to navigating sex, creativity and communication are your most important tools.