Hand jobs are a truly underrated pleasure: They're low-pressure, pose relatively few sexual health risks and can be easily spiced up with side orders of sucking, making out and sex toy stimulation.
Sex and the Penis: An Owner's Manual
You likely know what feels good, but a few tips and tricks could intensify your pleasure.
You've probably learned plenty about what makes your penis feel good throughout your life, but there's always more to learn on the journey towards a healthy, pleasurable sex life. Learning your favorite masturbation techniques is one thing, but a few key erogenous zones, communication tips and carefully chosen sex toys could take your penile pleasure to a whole new dimension.
Masturbate without shame
Anti-masturbation campaigns date back several centuries—it's a history that might even play out on your breakfast table. John Harvey Kellogg was so determined to stamp out self-pleasure (he called it "self-pollution") that he conducted extensive research, which led him to believe that flavorful, seasoned foods could increase sexual desire. Kellogg began widely recommending a plain, bland diet throughout his anti-jerk-off crusades—and of course, his company's signature Kellogg's Corn Flakes were always on the menu. See also: graham crackers.
This moral panic continues: From Reddit's 'NoFap' messiahs, who wax lyrical about the supposed benefits of a masturbation detox to the abstinence-focused sex education still mandated in 35 American states, we're frequently told that sexual pleasure is either unhealthy, unproductive or straight-up wrong.
As attitudes continue to relax, there is a growing body of evidence to combat these moralistic ideas. Not only is masturbation good for stress relief, sleep and understanding your turn-ons, a 2016 study published by European Urology indicated that it could even lower the risk of prostate cancer.
Masturbation is good for stress relief, sleep and understanding your turn-ons—and studies indicate that it could even lower the risk of prostate cancer.
Solo sex
There is no one-size-fits-all guide to great masturbation. Every penis likes individual treatment, so experimentation is the best way to fine-tune your formula for a mind-blowing orgasm.
Before you lotion up, there are a few erogenous zones to know. The tip of the penis is the most sensitive part, closely followed by the small, V-shaped frenulum that connects the shaft to the urethral opening, so ensuring gentle stimulation around these areas will make for a more tingly experience. Use lubricant to minimize friction—don't be scared to spit on it if you run out—and find a steady rhythm that works for you, speeding up as and when you like.
If you're feeling adventurous, it's not just the penis that feels pleasure. When stimulated directly, the prostate—a walnut-shaped gland best reached through anal play, although it can be pleasured externally by rubbing between the anus and scrotum—can result in "prostate orgasm," an intense, full-body sensation that causes the dick to slowly ooze semen, as opposed to the short, sharp burst of ejaculation.
Despite being known as the "P-Spot" for its potential to unlock new realms of pleasure, cultural stigma around back-door fun remains. "There’s this misconception that enjoying anal stimulation in any way has a direct impact on your sexuality," explained Ruby Payne, resident sex and BDSM educator at online sex toy store UberKinky. "That's nonsense. Exploring your sexuality means finding other ways to do the job, and elongating pleasure along the way."
Hand jobs
If you decide to hand the reins over to your partner, don't be afraid to be vocal about exactly what gets you off. The internet is full of articles jam-packed with double-fisting methods and new-fangled hand job tricks, so be honest about what works and what doesn't. If your partner is basically rubbing your cock head raw as you grimace through it, there's a chance they'll miss your discomfort. The result is a lose-lose situation: You end up with bad hand jobs and your partner is left wondering why you're not turned on.
This communication isn't always easy—a 2010 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships underlined the difficulties of opening up in these intimate situations, so try showing off your technique with some mutual masturbation. Failing that, share detailed sexual fantasies and be specific when it comes to where and how you want to be stimulated. When your partner's hands wander south, stay lubricated if you need to be and be vocal if you're in pain—unless, of course, that's what you're into.
When the stars do align, hand jobs are a truly underrated pleasure: They're low-pressure, pose relatively few sexual health risks and can be easily spiced up with side orders of sucking, making out and sex toy stimulation. Societal obsession with penetration might treat them as a side dish, but with a little candor and practice, hand jobs can be a worthy main course.
Oral sex
If you're lucky enough to have someone regularly go down on you, there are a few things to keep in mind. The first, most obvious fact is that endless archives of "deep throat" porn aren't realistic, so thrusting your partner's head down as they suck will probably do more harm than good, unless they specifically ask for it. Remember they're in the process of navigating their gag reflex, jaw positioning, saliva production and a whole mixture of bodily fluids and smells, so accept your blow job graciously and keep your partner's needs in mind.
This is another area where it’s great to be vocal: Sucking dick can feel like stabbing in the dark, so a few well-timed moans, groans and affirmations signal which techniques are working without any awkward "mouth full" conversations. Don't be afraid to debrief afterward—"I loved it when you did that" is music to anyone's ears—or lighten the tone; unintentionally hilarious dirty talk can break any tension around sexual communication and keep your bedroom conversations relaxed and comfortable.
The last fact to remember is that they're called blow jobs for a reason—even the horniest oral connoisseurs understand the effort that goes into good head, so check in on your partner and, if you're both into the idea, at least offer to return the favor. Wash liberally—there's nothing sexy about smegma—and as a courtesy, give prior warning before an orgasm (if you can come from blow jobs that is; some penises can't or don't, and that’s fine too).
Wash your penis regularly and liberally—there’s nothing sexy about smegma—and as a courtesy, give your partner prior warning before you orgasm.
Penetration
Because sex education is still treated as such a controversial issue, plenty of us default to a pre-approved cultural script: foreplay, intercourse, orgasm.
Penetration won't always end with an earth-shattering climax, but it can help to heighten intimacy: recent research published in Sexual Medicine found that face-to-face positions in particular strengthened bonds between heterosexual partners, with a woman on top more likely to induce orgasm for both men and women. Take your time to ensure maximum natural lubrication and discuss contraception options beforehand—nothing kills the mood quite like a condom argument.
When it comes to anal sex, the key fact to remember is there's no self-lubrication. Start slowly, lube up liberally and try switching between various positions if there's initial pain, which is more likely due to the natural tightness of the anus, especially for anal newcomers. If you're the one doing the penetrating, working up to the main event with fingers, analingus and sex toys can help prepare your partner, and making sure you're as wet as possible will make entry easier.
image credit
Sex toys image credit to Lustgasm.
Sex toys
Sure, we can work wonders with manual, oral and genital stimulation—but what are we, cavemen? A blessing of living in the 21st century is that we have access to a growing number of high-tech toys and gadgets, all designed with maximum sexual pleasure in mind.
"Sales of penis-focused sex toys have been on the rise for a few years now," explained sex educator Payne, who cited the rise of the internet as a cause of their growing popularity. "Thanks to e-commerce sites, there's an alternative to that fear of edging into seedy-looking sex shops on the wrong side of town."
Dig deep and you'll find a smorgasbord of options. The classics include vibrating cock rings, strokers and masturbators, which grip around the cock to mimic the warm, fleshy sensation of penetration, and prostate massagers, which can be inserted anally or used to vibrate against the perineum, waking up the aforementioned "P-Spot." These can all be used solo or with a partner, either to spice up hand jobs or to add an extra vibrating sensation during penetration.
A growing number of toys are also being designed with accessibility in mind. Hot Octopuss’s "Guybrator" has been lauded for using oscillating technology to stimulate the frenulum, which means it can be used on flaccid penises. This is a huge step forward for horny explorers who might have erectile difficulties or disabilities that make conventional sex toys difficult to use. No matter what you're into, there's a toy out there to get you off.
Sex toys image credit to Lustgasm.
No matter what you're into, there's a toy out there to get you off.
Myth-busting: size matters?
In the 8,000 years since cavemen drawings depicted enormous phalluses, we've at least learned that very few of us have dicks as big as our legs. Despite scaling back our ambitions, society remains obsessed with penis size—so what is the actual average?
Proof of our fixation comes in the dozens of studies analyzing the length and girth of cocks worldwide, although methodologies varied: Some results were self-reported, meaning a few guys might have added an extra inch or two. Perhaps the best-known research is a 2014 article published in the British Journal of Urology International, which aggregated 17 global studies to find an average length of 3.61 inches when flaccid and 5.16 inches when erect, and an average girth of 3.66 inches when flaccid and 4.59 inches when erect.
Maybe it's the abundance of "anaconda" in porn, but the bulk of people with penises seem to over-estimate these figures. This explains why penis anxiety is common enough to warrant its own diagnosis: "small penis syndrome," which refers to dysmorphic anxiety, not actual penis size. These worries about size have real consequences: a 2015 study published in Sexual Medicine linked it to erectile dysfunction, which can be exacerbated by stress and self-consciousness.
According to urologist Paul Turek, M.D., founder of the Turek Clinic in Los Angeles, there is one consolation. "An interesting fact is that the human penis is both longer and thicker than that of any other primate relative to their body size," he said, and then quipped: "We are a well-endowed species."
Don't be afraid to debrief with your partner afterward—"I loved it when you did that" is music to anyone's ears—or lighten the tone; unintentionally hilarious dirty talk can break any tension around sexual communication.