7 Ways to Last Longer in Bed
If there's one sexual complaint every man has had at some point, it's premature ejaculation (PE).
Arriving at the party early.
Experiencing a shortcoming.
Being gone in 60 seconds.
Having an ejacu-early.
As cringeworthy as these euphemisms are, premature ejaculation itself is even more so—and it can be a serious issue for men.
PE is no joke
The American Urological Association (AUA) says a working definition of PE might be "ejaculation that occurs sooner than desired, either before or shortly after penetration, causing distress to either one or both partners."
It's important to note this definition includes a psychological component. According to the Mayo Clinic, one out of every three men says he has experienced PE, meaning there are a whole lot of guys who are anxious and unhappy with how they have sex.
The expectations and the numbers
However, the issue may be more about perception than a hard time limit. Especially for porn-steeped men used to watching circus-like acrobatics between sweaty, ridiculously fit couples over several hours, expectations might be a little skewed.
Science supports this theory. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine recruited 500 long-term heterosexual couples across five countries and had them time how long intravaginal sex lasted. The median time turned out to be 5.4 minutes, not exactly sufficient for a porn epic. But that may not be a bad thing: A 2005 survey of sex therapists found that while one to two minutes was "too short" of a time for intravaginal sex, three to seven minutes was considered "adequate" and more than 10 minutes was "too long."
What you can do about it
So, having taken the first step by reeling in your expectations about what "premature" actually means, what can you do to slow your roll?
- Have a wank. This is the tried-and-true method even in silly comedy movies: Give yourself a hand an hour or two before you anticipate having sex to release the tension and delay your second go-round.
- Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. A 2014 study published in Therapeutic Advances in Urology found that a 12-week program of pelvic floor muscle rehabilitation resulted in a whopping 82 percent of men gaining control over their ejaculations. For an at-home Kegel exercise program, start here.
- Try edging. Edging involves masturbating right up to the brink of orgasm repeatedly, then backing off. It's not only fun, but also a useful tool when you have sex with your partner. You learn your limits and how to read the signals of your body down to a fine point.
- Remember, sex is more than just penetration. Keep in mind that from the perspective of most partners, sex is much more about intimacy, physical closeness and touching than just jackhammering away. And here's a hot tip: If you can help your partner orgasm or get just to the brink before penetration, it really takes the pressure off you.
- Mix it up. If you feel yourself getting close, change the depth or angle of your thrusting. Pull back so just the tip penetrates, or pull out and get some plain ol' friction against your penis for a bit.
- Change positions. Take time to try a few angles rather than just going at it until you bust. If there's one favorite position that always makes you come, be sure to hit some other positions first.
- Try a different condom. There are thicker condoms out there that reduce sensitivity, as well as some with a numbing agent that'll slow you down. If you're going the numbing route, be careful of what gets in contact with your partner's sensitive areas. It might be worth a patch test of your chosen product to make sure you don't have an adverse reaction.
PE may be a perceived problem for a third of men, but reality tells us that our concerns might be overblown. If you do experience too-quick orgasms regularly, a good first step is to talk to your partner about it. Then you can work together to tackle some of these approaches to slowing down.