Diary of a Sex Worker: Erotic Massage and Boundaries With Charlotte

When I first began running into Charlotte at spiritual events around Los Angeles, I knew we were kindred spirits. After watching her dance topless at an ecstatic dance event and pole-dance during a backyard party, I decided to get to know her.

I soon learned she was a massage therapist who offered sexual sessions including erotic massages, therapeutic work and healing. People air their sexual grievances to her, and she helps them work out their problems through touch.

We recently had a conversation about her experiences with sex work, how her views of her work have evolved, how she asserts boundaries in her job, and what her work has taught her about sex.

How did you first begin doing sex work?

The first sexual healing session I ever did was with a friend of mine who I would do regular massages for. We did a session that was focused on helping him with stuff he was going through, which was that he ejaculates very fast, and he wanted touch and connection but didn't want a relationship. It was an important thing that he could get sexuality without having to deal with a relationship or hangups.

That started it, so I went from doing the healing stuff to doing sensual massages. [With] some people, I do more of a healing aspect, and for others, it's more just that they want something sensual, and as long as it's within the boundaries I have for myself, I'm good with that.

Did you have any conflicting feelings about sex work at the time?

I had to check in with myself in terms of things that aren't focused on a healing setting, but I do look at it as...people are getting connection when they might not get it elsewhere. The healing aspect, no—I knew this was part of my purpose, and I'm really comfortable with sexuality, but I had some checking in with myself: Am I comfortable doing this in the more generic way, offering that service in that way? I had to see if it was helpful to people or if I'd be perpetuating a problem in someone's life.

Have you ever turned clients down because the situation didn't feel right?

Yes, and I have violated my boundaries also. I have turned people down, and I've also been desperate for money and done stuff I didn't want to do and been in situations where I wasn't comfortable saying "no." And I've gotten good about that. I've turned down a lot of people who offered me a lot of money to have sex with them. I don't want to have sex for money. I once worked on a couple and the guy wanted a private session and said, "Don't tell my girlfriend," and I didn't do that.

What are your boundaries at this point?

In the sensual sessions, usually I'm naked and they're naked. I'll rub my body and hands on them. I don't do any oral sex or penetrative sex or let people finger me, usually. If they want to rub my vagina a little bit, sometimes, but I don't let them full-on finger me. Oral, sometimes I let them, kind of, a little, but it's not a focus. It doesn't feel good when other people do it unless it's [my partner]. I can be sexy, I can do a little bit of BDSM if they like it. I definitely don't like severely hurting people, so I don't do that. I won't degrade people and I won't do intercourse, but I'll give them a handjob or rub my body on them to jack them off, or if they want prostate massage, I'll do that.

How did you get to the point where you could assert your boundaries?

After doing ayahuasca [a psychedelic], I stopped [work] for a couple months because I realized I had been violating my boundaries, so I was kind of traumatized. And then I went back to it and that's when I started having stronger boundaries, so I feel like [I've been] just working on my worthiness and the strong desire not to keep traumatizing myself. I feel like I got stronger in saying "no" and reminding myself that I don't owe people anything. I used to not be as clear. When I set up the appointment, I wouldn't have my hard boundaries upfront. Now, I'm clear: I do this, I don't do this. If people try, I say, "No, I said this already," as opposed to "I'm uncomfortable and they paid and I don't know."

What do you find rewarding about your job?

I like the praise about my beauty that I get. I like to help people in a way that isn't necessarily conventional, but [in a way] people need. I find it rewarding that I can give to some clients that just got out of marriages or their wife died or they're just too busy for relationships—I like to provide a very needed thing for people. People need touch, sensuality, comfort, intimacy, and it's not always easy to get it. And the clients who haven't had touch for a while and are really shy with women, I can also talk to them about how to approach women, so then it can be a helpful thing.

How do you find clients?

I post on Craigslist, but just for regular massage, and then people ask me about sexual and I go from there. I also do regular massages. There's also a website called RubRatings that I post on; that's for sensual massages. And sometimes out in life, when I meet people and talk about what I do, they're like, "Oh, I want that."

How much do you charge?

When I do body-to-body sessions where we're both fully nude and I rub my naked body over them, I charge $300 for an hour. Some people pay me more if they choose to. Sometimes I do $250 if someone seems kind but low on money.

Sometimes, men pay to take me out to dinner. They just want to take me out, pay for dinner, pay for my time, then go do a session afterward, so I like that. So I get a free dinner, I get paid to go, and then I get paid for the session, so I'm making $400 or $500 an hour.

The most I made when I was sometimes doing oral, I made $600 in like 30 minutes just giving a blowjob. But I don't like doing that, so I don't do that anymore because I'm like, I don't know what y'all do with your dick; I don't need that in my mouth.

How has your work affected your sex life?

This has taught me that people like so many different things. Some guys, you barely touch them and they come immediately, and some, you jack off so hard and my hand's cramping and 30 minutes later I'm like, "Can you just fucking come already?" That's taught me that this whole idea of someone being "not good in bed" is not necessarily true, because it's preference. And people say, "This is what men like." No, because it's preference. I've seen the whole range of what people like, and it's wide.

It's really emphasized to me something I already knew: that you're responsible for your own pleasure, and most of that starts in the mind. Someone could be doing something that feels good, but it doesn't feel good if I'm not into it. Unless I'm into something, it doesn't only not feel good, but it can hurt. When I was violating my boundaries, it would be so painful, the simplest thing. Somebody would put one finger in me, and I'd be so physically uncomfortable when it's not like I'm super-tight. That really showed me, unless I'm into this person and find them attractive, the movements and the doing isn't going to turn me on.

What's the No. 1 piece of sex advice you'd give people?

Figure out what you like, and be willing to tell your partner what you want and what you like while being open to try some different things, because you might find out you like something you didn't know you liked. But I think that knowing what you like and being able to communicate that is the most important because if they don't know, you're going to have pieces missing.