How to Support a Loved One Through Breast Cancer

Breast cancer is common—it affects about 13 percent of women in the United States—and diagnosis and treatment both can have a significant impact on a person's mental and physical health.

Patients may struggle with depression, decreased self-esteem, anxiety, hopelessness and fear. Physically, they may have to undergo surgery and follow-up sessions of chemotherapy and radiation, whose side effects can be extreme. They include fatigue, nausea, weight gain, infertility, hair loss, changes to the skin and nails, menstrual cycle changes, early menopause, nerve and heart damage, and more. That's a lot to grapple with, and recovery takes time.

Breast cancer can also affect a woman's extended family: Children, siblings, parents and close friends may all experience negative effects on their own mental health. Relationships with partners may also be impacted.

You want to help, even if you aren't sure how.

What you can do

Be an advocate. Ask pertinent questions (always in a kind way) about their case and stress the ways in which you can be supportive in their treatment, such as helping them make lifestyle changes and diet adjustments. Help your loved one compile questions before their next medical appointment, or even while the doctor is explaining something. You may bring up a point that neither the doctor nor the patient had considered.

If someone coping with breast cancer feels they can be completely honest with you about what they really need, they'll feel more comfortable.

Radiation, chemotherapy, surgery and hormonal treatments are all likely to affect behavior and mood, and may make the patient more tired, angry or sad. If your loved one undergoes a mastectomy or a double mastectomy, their self-confidence may be eroded, and any breast cancer treatment may decrease their libido.

A breast cancer diagnosis can be difficult for family and friends, and you can only be effective in a supporting role if you remain strong, so be sure to take care of yourself, too.

Be helpful where it's required, but don't treat someone with breast cancer as if they can't do anything for themselves. In fact, encouraging activity and some degree of independence and self-reliance can help your loved one feel more confident and in control. Keep reminding yourself and your loved one, however, that some aspects can't be controlled, and that's OK.

Staying positive is essential. You should both consider joining support groups. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be immensely helpful.

'Helpful' behavior to avoid

Try not to be overly emotional. This won't be helpful. In fact, getting upset may cause your loved one to feel guilty or uncomfortable, or even go so far as to avoid opening up to you about what's going on, for fear of further distressing you.

Don't worry too much about what to say. Just being there and listening is often all that's required. Especially don't tiptoe around or treat the person differently. What is required is that you be yourself, consistent and strong.

If you attend the patient's medical appointments, be a part of the conversation and always remain calm, no matter what is discussed. Don't be embarrassed to ask others for help. One person can't do it all, and don't try to bear the burden of cancer and its treatment on your own shoulders.

Take care of yourself, too

A breast cancer diagnosis can be difficult for family and friends, and you can only be effective in a supporting role if you remain strong, so be sure to take care of yourself, too. Giving everything you have to care for someone else can easily lead to burnout, mental health problems and even resentment toward the individual you're trying to help.

You should create boundaries to ensure you remain healthy enough to provide support. That often means seeking help from friends or family members if needed, especially for tasks such as meal preparation, looking after pets, cleaning up around the house or attending medical appointments—jobs that are easily done while giving you some alone time to revive your own spirits.

If someone coping with breast cancer feels they can be completely honest with you about what they really need, they'll feel more comfortable.

Open up to friends about what you're going through, and consider seeing a therapist or a counselor to talk through your feelings. Look into local support groups for spouses or family members of people suffering from breast cancer. Don't forget the basics of self-care: eat well, hydrate, exercise, relieve stress, and get plenty of rest and relaxation. Don't feel guilty about prioritizing some "me time” for relief during this difficult time.

Breast cancer is tough on everyone. If you strike a good balance in your life (so you can dedicate some quality time to yourself as well as your supporting role) and line up outside assistance when you need it, you'll find you can rise to the challenge and help your loved one through this trying journey.​