Four Reasons Not to Put Up With Bad Sex
Good communication is essential to making a serious relationship last, but we don't just communicate verbally. Sex itself—how much, how long, how good—can be just as telling as what you're saying to each other.
In that case, it becomes important to identify what makes sex bad in your experience. And even if you can tell what bad sex is, how do you express it to your partner if they're hitting those qualifications? Should you be working with your partner to improve sexual performance? The answers to these questions are not easy, but the consequences of allowing bad sex to continue can be significant.
1. It can cause your eye to wander
A "just OK" sex life might feel like a compromise at the beginning of a relationship, but at some point it takes a toll. It is easy to love someone who has flaws, but it is also just as easy to fantasize about life without them. Sometimes what starts as a fantasy in your mind may leave you in bed with someone new who's more willing to fulfill a fantasy.
Infidelity because of poor communication is a worst-case scenario for a relationship. They didn't cheat because they didn't love their partner anymore, but cheated for fulfillment. Typically these types of affairs leave the cheater with tremendous guilt. You should always be able to communicate with your partner about your sexual fantasies, and if you can't, they aren't the right person for you. Save yourself from the guilt of an affair and end the relationship. Find a partner who you trust.
2. It can signify and worsen body image issues
Is the sex bad because your partner, or you, is not comfortable being naked around each other? According to a 2019 study published in Body Image, individuals, particularly women, with greater body satisfaction and body appreciation tend to report more positive sexual experiences.
However, both perceptions of a person's body and sexual life are central to most adults' experiences. Are you going to perform well in bed if you aren't comfortable with your partner looking at you—all of you? Is your partner always turning off the lights? Making your partner feel attractive is easy, and you should be doing it anyway. Try complimenting how they look naked. If your partner continues hiding under the covers, there may be a deeper issue they need to address.
3. It can impede emotional healing
Most healthy relationships don't begin with one person still emotionally distraught from a recent relationship, and the other person shouldn't feel obligated to fix the problem. It might sound harsh, but your partner is only going to get over their ex or other trauma if they do the work themselves. It makes no sense to be miserable at the expense of someone else's pain. Eventually, you may end up getting hurt.
Many people fresh out of a relationship or with sexual trauma have a hard time opening up sexually. Time to heal is imperative, so neither party should not hurry or rush the process.
4. It ignores possible health issues
Sexual dysfunctions are highly prevalent, affecting about 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men. This statistic includes ailments such as erectile dysfunction in men and female arousal disorder in women. Your partner may be dealing with something they are embarrassed to talk to you about.
It is essential to communicate openly with your partner about sexual dysfunction, because it can cause an enormous strain on your relationship. Luckily, sexual dysfunction is often treatable.
It's all about you
Don't worry too much about being selfish and instead look for social cues from your sexual partner. Do they tell you that you talk too much? Is your partner more interested in their pleasure than yours? This behavior is not OK. You should be able to communicate openly with your sexual partner in a safe and fun way, and both of you should be on the same page about sexual desires. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, consider a sex therapist.