5 Common Sexual Insecurities and How to Overcome Them
It’s normal to feel insecure when you’re getting intimate with someone for the first time; perhaps even after multiple times together. When you fail to tackle your sexual insecurities head-on, however, they have the potential to dampen your sex drive and make the experience less enjoyable for both you and your partner.
Left unaddressed, sexual insecurities eventually can lead to low self-esteem, decreased confidence and sexual dysfunctions, such as premature ejaculation (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED).
Fortunately, you’re not the first person—you won’t be the last, either—to have some sexual self-doubts. Anything you’re insecure about, millions of people have been insecure about before you, so solutions and coping strategies have already been long established.
Unfortunately, sexual insecurities are numerous, but here are strategies to overcome five of the most common issues people worry about:
1. Penis size
Penis size is one of the top insecurities among men, even those who are generously endowed. Probably since the beginning of human history, penis size has been representative of a man’s power, dominance and masculinity. Some men worry their penis is too small to satisfy their partners, or that their partners may regard them as less masculine for having an average or small penis.
Ironically, most men who fret about having a small penis usually have an average-sized penis—and that’s perfectly fine. Even if your penis is smaller than average, you can still satisfy your partner by performing oral sex, trying positions that penetrate more deeply or using penis extenders that add extra inches.
2. Level of sexual experience
This one is a particular obstacle for people at the extremes: people who have had no or very little sex, or people who have been very sexually active for a long time. You may think that a lack of experience equates to a lack of skill, but that’s not true. On the other hand, people with more experience may worry they’ll be judged for “promiscuity.”
If your partner is making snap judgments about your life choices, you may want to reconsider further interaction with them. It’s important to remember that sexual experience is always relative. You can never assume that your partner has had more or less experience than you. Discuss it.
The best way to overcome insecurities about sexual experience, or lack thereof, is to focus on pleasing your partner. Your partner won’t care about what you’ve done or haven’t done as long as you’re delivering an amazing experience in the here and now.
3. Body type & attractiveness
Popular culture and social media often compel us to compare our body type and attractiveness to popular celebrities or perfect strangers who happen to be fashion models. And those comparisons can cause insecurities that follow us into the bedroom.
It’s been pointed out, repeatedly, that these comparisons are completely unfair and do not reflect reality, but many of us continue to make them anyway.
Most Hollywood stars spend hours every day with a personal trainer to achieve the “perfect” body, and social media influencers alter their photos and add filters that make them seem flawless, slimmer and more muscular than they really are.
While these images are presented as the peak of attractiveness, they’re simply not realistic. Your partner likely doesn’t match these standards, either, and other partners they’ve had probably had as many “flaws” as you do.
Your body is attractive and sexy just as it is, as long as you’re comfortable in it. And if your partner thinks your body doesn’t meet their personal standards of attractiveness, they’re simply not the right partner for you.
Many people feel insecure about their hygiene, especially in a new partnership. When the possibility of sex is looming, you may suddenly be more aware or fearful of bad breath, body or genital odor, body hair and more. However, you’re likely to perceive these details as being worse than they are.
As long as you practice good hygiene, there’s no need to obsess about smelling 100 percent fresh 100 percent of the time. Anyway, during sex, you and your partner will be creating new odors in the heat of the moment that will overshadow any minor odors or stray hairs.
5. Embarrassing sounds
Breathless panting, slapping skin, queefs and the slippage of gas. Despite how awkward they can be, they are all normal sounds made during sex, usually accidentally. Many of these sounds are absent from movies and porn because they are edited out, so don’t be fooled into thinking they don’t happen to everyone else.
The sooner you accept the possibility of making embarrassing sounds while having sex, the sooner you can grow more comfortable with it and learn how to laugh about it. The next time you or your partner makes a funny sound during an intimate moment, be the first person to laugh and encourage your partner to “keep going.”
You should know that these embarrassing moments can actually strengthen the intimacy between you and your partner and make sex more fun and enjoyable.
All in all, the most effective way to overcome any sexual insecurity is to discuss it with your partner. Many times, sexual insecurities exist only in your head. Talking openly about them can make you and your partner more sensitive to each other’s needs and invigorate your relationship.