What Do You Think of the Trend of Older Women Dating Younger Men?

Key Points

• Misogyny and sexist stereotypes have historically undermined older women's sexuality and desires.
• Modern relationships are now characterized by romance, fun and intimacy rather than just family creation, making age differences less significant.
• There is a noticeable increase in older women seeking relationships with younger men, according to experts and data.

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas. Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde. Britney Spears and Sam Asghari. Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson. Madonna and Josh Popper.

What do all these celebrity couples have in common? Well, they're not all married, some are now separated and some are not in current relationships. Importantly for this topic, however, each of the relationships features or featured an age gap, with the woman being the older partner.

No, it's not sordid, sleazy or problematic. Yes, older women are now able to enjoy dating younger men.

This growing relationship dynamic isn't exactly new. According to research:

• Up to 10 percent of singles ages 57 to 64 are dating.
• More than three-quarters (81 percent) of women are open to dating someone up to 10 years younger.
• Nearly 90 percent of men are keen to date someone up to 10 years their senior.

A TikTok trend celebrates this relationship dynamic—check out the hashtag #datingyoungermen.

Online media outlet Vice pointed out what should be obvious but maybe isn't. Older women aren't suddenly interested in younger men, nor have younger men randomly observed that older women are now desirable. There have always been older women attracted to younger men and vice versa, but taboos have always been in place.

What has happened in recent years is an erosion of the stigma rather than an explosion in desire for these types of relationships.

However, a relationship utopia doesn't exist just yet, one where any woman can loudly and proudly date a man 10 years her junior with zero backlash. As a story in British Vogue pointed out, the stigma persists and is inherently rooted in sexism, which is going nowhere fast.

But the "older woman, younger man" dynamic is undeniably on the rise, as we're seeing it in celebrity couples and couples that don't make the news.

What's with the stigma around older women dating younger men?

As is the case with many stigmas, this one comes down to one thing: misogyny.

As British journalist Claire Cohen observed in the aforementioned Vogue article, "It's far easier to fall back on sexist stereotypes and label an older woman as desperate and deluded than see her as a sexual being."

A societal assumption exists that says women aren't sexual beings, don't enjoy sex, and don't want or deserve sexual satisfaction, said Alana McKenzie Page, a dating coach and author in Portland, Oregon.

"For most of written history, the role of women has been restricted to childbearing," she said. "The opportunity to express sexuality or date for passion and fun was not available to women until quite recently."

Then there are the consequent double standards.

"In my opinion, it's always been acceptable and, for some people, more desirable for older men to date younger women," said Courtney Quinlan, the CEO and founder of Midwest Matchmaking in Omaha. "Whereas, in past years, if women were to do the same thing, it was frowned upon. Traditionally, men were supposed to 'take care' of women. Men were looked at to be the providers and breadwinners."

Women, in turn, were expected to fall in line and be "cared for."

"We still struggle with women going against what society expects of them," Cohen wrote in her Vogue article.

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Is the stigma starting to lift?

If the statistics and the number of celebrity couples where the man is younger are to be believed, then yes, the stigma is being eroded.

"Societal roles have changed tremendously over the years," Quinlan said. "Today, there are just as many women who are the breadwinners of the home as there are men. In fact, women who are bosses are looked upon as sex symbols. Independence is a trait that many of my male clients are looking for in a woman.

"Smart women are sexy and desirable. Many men are finding that older women possess these attributes and find themselves wanting to date older women."

Page noted women have different ideas about sex now.

"Modern relationships are about romance, fun and intimacy, instead of just creating a family," she said. "A woman's age isn't a biological limitation when relationships are about attraction and connection. A lot of things that have been sexual taboos in the past are becoming a part of normal life."

Is it true that more older women really are dating younger men?

"I am seeing female clients requesting men who are younger more so now than I ever have," Quinlan said. "Many of these women tell me that they find younger men's energy more appealing and attractive. They are looking for someone who can keep up with them and help them stay active and young."

She said many of these women have found that men their age or older seem "old" and don't want to do the fun, active things they want to do.

"A lot of my female clients want an active and healthy sex life, and they have found that younger men are more compatible in this department as well," she added.

"Older women are more confident and comfortable with themselves, their bodies and their sexuality, so they tend to have a higher sex drive, which aligns with a younger man," Jennifer Klesman, L.C.S.W., a licensed clinical social worker and therapist in Chicago.

Of course, it's about more than sex or actively seeking out an age difference. Often, the difference is incidental and largely ceases to be of note in the grander scheme of a committed relationship.

"My boyfriend is 10 years younger than I am," Klesman said. "We met a year ago when I was 36 and he was 26. We matched [on Bumble] and at first, I had no expectations of him, sort of figuring it would be just another funny dating story. But we hit it off and discovered we have a great deal in common despite the age difference."

Senior Sex—Top Tips for People Older Than 65: Being 65 might be the new 40, but you may need to make adjustments to your sex life. This is a time to navigate new ideas and explore questions.

Klesman said dating apps have given us wider access to a variety of people of different ages that we would otherwise not encounter.

"We enjoy the same music, TV shows, video games and hobbies, so there are few references that we don't align on or miss," she said. "Now we don't notice or feel the age difference unless referencing years when we were younger. We joke that we are both mentally/emotionally around the age of 30 so we sort of meet in the middle of our age gap."

What advice is there for couples with the 'older woman, younger man' dynamic?

"Be aware and open about your expectations and what each of you are looking for," Klesman said. "If you're both just looking to have fun, that's great to establish. If someone wants marriage and a family, it's one thing to date for say, eight months when you're in your 20s and just sort of brush it off. However, in your 30s or 40s, that is wasting significant and precious time.

"Getting engaged after a year of dating when you're in your mid-to-late 30s is very normal, but in your 20s that's considered moving extremely fast."

She said it's best to be open about what you want, and if that aligns, are you OK with the timeline being sped up?

Quinlan agreed communication remains vital.

"I recommend to all of my clients to make time to really talk to each other," she said. "I would also recommend that they don't worry about what other people think. If they're happy and fulfilled in their relationship, that is all that matters. They don't owe anyone an explanation of why this dynamic works for them."