Humans crave connection. Just look at how lonely we feel when we move to a new city or how quickly we start looking for a new partner after a breakup. Yet some of us find ourselves stuck in the same interminable loop of dates and breakups, always struggling to make a relationship work. Others seem to effortlessly fall into healthy relationships. Why?
The answer may be a mismatch in intimacy needs. If one partner needs a lot of closeness while the other needs total independence, there will be conflict in the relationship. It's only once both partners learn to identify, communicate and join their individual needs that they will create the loving, secure relationship they both ultimately want.
Three attachment styles
In their book "Attached," authors Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A., and Amir Levine, M.D., state that to figure out our relationship needs, we first need to understand our attachment style, which stems from our childhood caregivers. Originally coined in the 1950s by psychologist John Bowlby, the term "attachment style" only truly garnered attention after Levine and Heller's book was published in 2010.