How to Have a Touch-Free Orgasm
Three years ago, I experienced my first touch-free orgasm. It hit me as I was listening to a YouTube movie called "Erotic Hypnosis: Hands-Free Orgasm for Women," and it was quite possibly the best orgasm of my life: There were waves and waves of pleasure all throughout my whole pelvis, instead of just a few vaginal contractions, and they continued for minutes.
There was a catch, though: At the time, I was under the influence of a psychedelic drug. When I tried it again afterward, with a sober mind and body, no luck. So, I enlisted the help of psychologist and sex educator Antonia Hall, MA, author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life, to learn how to orgasm without any touch.
First, we try tantric
The first thing she taught me was something simple and not directly related to orgasms.
"Slow down, take care of yourself and have more fun. Try relaxing sensual experiences—like taking baths, using lotion and wearing clothes that feel good— that help you get into your body enough to feel all the pleasure you're capable of," Hall said.
Next, she taught me a specific technique: To rock back and forth and imagine I'm carrying sexual energy up and down my spine with my breath. Hall teaches her clients to combine this movement with Kegels, a technique where you squeeze your pelvic muscles as if you were to stop the flow of urine.
"This tantric technique combines squeezing the pubococcygeus muscle (PC) while mentally focusing on moving sexual energy from the tailbone up the spine," she said. "I have found that once that energy gets moving, I have full-body orgasms that roll up my spine."
While you're doing this, you can provide yourself with mental stimulation by fantasizing or imagining hot sex or masturbation experience you've had, Hall added.
So, I tried it. And I tried it. And I couldn't seem to get very far. I could feel some pleasure this way and would have a pleasantly refreshed feeling afterward, but it was nothing close to what I would call an orgasm.
Then, we tried another technique: She had me lie on her couch while I described to her, in detail, my ideal sexual experience. I felt more and more aroused as I pictured my ideal lover giving it to me just as I liked it.
I felt much more aroused by this, but I still didn't orgasm. Or did I?
So, what exactly is an orgasm?
"Orgasms are a pleasurable buildup and release of energy," Hall said. "The release is a pleasurable sensation that often moves throughout the body in waves, followed by a feeling of relaxation."
Orgasms can actually be identified in a lab using a brain imaging technique called functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), and what scientists have found is that the brain activity associated with touch-free orgasm is nearly identical to that associated with touch-induced orgasm.
"This brain activity results in the release of feel-good hormones and stress-relievers, making orgasms beneficial to health," said Hall. "But there is still a great deal to be learned about orgasms. People are having orgasms in numerous ways, and there is no one accepted definition for an orgasm."
Knowing that the definition of an orgasm is somewhat subjective, I tried something new: As I imagined moving sexual energy through my body with my breath, I just told myself that I was orgasming. I imagined very vividly what it would feel like to have a touch-free orgasm. I moaned and writhed around as if it were happening. And it kinda did.
What I can experience now still doesn't measure up to that first time, but I can feel a subtle peak and release this way.
I know I'm not alone
Others can experience more than that without the usual physical touch accompanying orgasm.
Ryn Pfeuffer, a 48-year-old writer in Seattle, recently had an orgasm while a partner was kissing her ear.
"I had trouble registering what happened until I shifted my body to reveal a big wet spot on my beach towel," she said. "Sheepishly, I pointed to it and said, 'I just came.' I'd ejaculated before, but this was some spontaneous, next-level pleasure."
Rachel Walker, a 50-year-old community development worker in Chester, England, had a touch-free orgasm while giving oral sex.
"We thought this was so cool that we explored it, and I discovered if I'm in the zone, I can think myself into a nice orgasm with no touch," she said. "Mostly, it happens when we're having a good big sesh. This has also coincided with horrible menopausal symptoms, and I like to think my body is paying me back."
I discovered if I'm in the zone, I can think myself into a nice orgasm with no touch.
"In my sexual explorations, it has mattered to know that something is a thing—it gives me confidence when I seek to explore it," she said. "The things that were most important to me in exploring this were body movement, rhythmic breathing and the awareness of erotic energy in my body/mind. And, by the way, those are all things that can make a huge difference to anyone wanting to feel more embodied in sex and forge greater awareness of their arousal and pleasure."
Becoming aware of your arousal process
To those looking to experience touch-free orgasms, Queen recommended checking in with your body during masturbation and sex and feeling yourself getting turned on. It also helps to writhe and thrust your pelvis and fantasize when you're trying to experience orgasm without touch. Another hack is to start off hands-on and masturbate as you normally would, then continue moving, breathing and fantasizing after taking your hand away.
"Paying attention to your breath is also very important," said ASTROGLIDE's resident sexpert, Dr. Jess O'Reilly. She recommended trying out slow, deep breaths as well as quick, shallow ones to see what helps build your arousal.
"As you breathe, bring your focus to the areas of your body that are experiencing pleasure and/or arousal," she suggested. "To add more sensation, try squeezing your pelvic floor muscles as you inhale and relaxing them as you exhale.
"We expect sex, arousal and orgasm to follow a specific path, and we get stuck in a singular routine—for example, a desire for sex, stimulation, orgasm and end of sex," said O'Reilly. "But if we expand our definitions and expectations of sex, we may find new ways to experience pleasure."
So, think of it this way: Touch-free orgasm is less about performing some wild sexual feat and more about removing disbelief, over-thinking and any other blockages from it really happening. And if that seems overwhelming, you can start by simply relaxing, nurturing yourself, breathing deeply and taking in the pleasure of the moment.
Even if you don't have an orgasm, you'll have a novel experience—and isn't that the point anyway?
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