So You Want to Try Tantric Sex...
Are you bored with your current sexual script? Do you lack energy and sex drive? Would you like a deeper connection with your sexual partner?
If you answered “yes” to one or all of those questions, you may be curious about tantric sex. Practitioners insist it can help with a host of bedroom concerns and expand sexual curiosities, while for the uninitiated, it tends to carry an air of mystery.
So what is tantric about, and is it worth doing?
Tantra is "a system of weaving the mind, body and spirit together,” according to Jasmine Aurielle, a sexual wellness practitioner and certified yoga teacher at Manifestation Erotica in Atlanta. Dating back to 300 CE in India, tantric sex has the goal of connecting two partners' inner spirits through “intentional touch” such as cuddling and caressing as well as meditative breathing.
Reported benefits of tantra include reduced anxiety and stress, increased body awareness and deeper trust between you and your partner. And, Aurielle added, tantric sex can even lead to relationship healing, especially if partners have experienced a loss of sexual appetite due to some kind of hardship.
(Note, too, that if you don’t have a partner, you can engage in tantric masturbation. Rather than rushing to get off like many of us are guilty of, the aim is to slow down and really explore your body.)
There is no end goal with tantric sex.
If you’d like to give tantric sex a try, it helps to start by setting the mood. This might involve lighting candles, spreading petals or pouring essential oils into a diffuser—whatever helps you relax and shift out of a stressful mindset into a more intimate gear.
When you're ready, start in a yab-yum position, in which one partner sits cross-legged while the other positions themselves face-to-face in their lap, being penetrated while their legs are wrapped around the partner's torso and arms embracing them tightly. Tantra practitioners believe this position activates the energy in your heart and increases arousal.
Don't bounce on their lap, but instead begin to crank up the intimacy by staring into each other's eyes, all the while staying aware of your breath and surroundings. The aim is to engage in meditative breathing with a partner to heighten your experience and increase connection.
For beginners, tantra practitioners recommend staying in this position for about five minutes before gently and consciously engaging in sexual play—if you wish. With a bit more practice, you can aim to increase that interval to around 20 or 30 minutes.
It’s key to remember there is no end goal with tantric sex. This is often a confusing point for newbies, who may have heard that tantric sex can deliver “full-body orgasms” and mind-blowing sex. While it can do both of these things, you’ll get more out of tantric sex if you don’t treat it as a mere performance enhancer. "Tantric sex invites us to slow down and use all of our senses,” Aurielle said, “and become engaged with how delicious the present moment is.”