Let Them Eat Cake: What is 'Queening' and why is it on the rise?

If you enjoy getting eaten out, you know that most receiving positions are submissive or, at best, neutral. But the pillow princesses of the world are getting ready for their coronation: Queening, or femme-on-top face-sitting, offers a dominant option for those in the receiving role—and many find it super empowering. It's in the name, after all.

Queening and its origins in fem-dom BDSM kink

"For me, face-sitting is definitely about power—taking what I want, the way I want it," said Valerie August, a London-based independent BDSM escort and OnlyFans creator. "I can have the ultimate control over pressure and movement, whereas if I am lying on my back the other partner makes those decisions."

In case there's still any lingering confusion, queening is exactly what it sounds like: A femme partner assumes a dominant position squatting or kneeling over the face of their lover, who performs oral on them. For those particularly invested in the art of face-sitting, there are even queening chairs with face-sized holes in the center so you can literally sit on a throne during the act.

While face-sitting is the more popular, gender-neutral term for the position, queening was coined by the fem-dom BDSM community, where women dominate submissive men during sex. Clearly, it stems from the image of a queen sitting on her throne, and it imports some of the connotations of dominance, too.

Queening offers a dominant option for those in the receiving role—and many find it super empowering.

Why is this face-sitting position gaining popularity? 

Face-sitting was the 174th most popular search on PornHub in 2019 according to PornHub Insights (data for 2020 is yet to be released). That might sound low down the list, but it's on par with terms such as yoga, celebrity and mature—and women are 34 percent more likely to search for face-sitting on the platform compared to their male counterparts.

But it's not just women who love this femme-on-top position: Face-sitting was the most popular sex position searched in New Jersey and Massachusetts, according to a 2017 study of men's internet search stats by AskMen. It's safe to say queening is going mainstream, so even if you aren't a part of the BDSM community, there's a good chance your partner will be down to give it a try.

Why has this position become so popular? Sexual empowerment is only one of the benefits: The angle of contact creates an even more intense sensation than other popular oral positions like missionary or 69, due to increased pressure on the genitals.

It's more that the angle of face-sitting is infinitely better than other oral positions, and when I do it, I'm able to squirt, said Marissa*, a Richmond-based teacher who frequently incorporates queening during sex with her husband. I don't like domming, but I have a little bit of a degradation kink so squirting on someone beneath me is pretty cool—like sexy waterboarding.

It's not only fun for those on top, either. Face-sitting is something a lot of my partners and clients are interested in—it's probably one of my most frequent requests, said August. For a submissive, the appeal of it is linked to this sense you could be almost suffocated with someone else's body, pinned down between thighs by your head, forced to engage with the viscerality of someone else's body parts. It's pretty hot.

Given the ascension of queening, it's easier than ever to find an enthusiastic subject. Give it a shot and you might just feel like royalty.

*Some names have been changed for privacy.