Prostate Play or No Way?

More than 70 percent of guys in a straight relationship report they have tried or would try to play with a prostate massager, according to a 2019 study by LELO, a sex toy manufacturer. Yet a number of factors and concerns prevent them from pursuing it. Demystifying prostate pleasure by answering the questions guys are too embarrassed to ask may be the boost you need to start getting the most out of this commonly neglected pleasure center.

Is prostate play only for gay men?

Nope. Without a doubt, anal and prostate stimulation are not, and should not be, practices enjoyed solely by gay men. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with orgasms, and yet concern about being perceived as less manly is one of the most common reasons guys cite for not trying backdoor play. In fact, according to the LELO study, 80 percent of women say they'd like to engage in prostate play with their male partner, if they were asked to.

Is prostate play painful?

Prostate play should never be painful. If what you're doing hurts, stop. Anal play can be a bit physically uncomfortable until you get used to the sensation, after which many men find it very enjoyable. Prostate stimulation isn't painful at all. Unlike a woman's vagina, the anus doesn't provide its own lubrication, so when you're stimulating it, always use plenty of lubricant. Water-based lube works well; avoid silicone-based options if you're using silicone toys.

Gradually ease into prostate play. Very minor bleeding is common, particularly the first few times, but if you experience significant pain or bleeding, stop immediately. If either reaction persists with subsequent anal play, check in with your doctor to rule out a medical problem that could be the cause of the discomfort.

Do you need to worry about poop during prostate play?

Another common concern for guys wary of prostate play is cleanliness. If you're concerned that poop will come out or your partner will be touching it if they explore you, don't be. Feces are stored up in the rectum, far beyond where your partner can reach. Still, tiny amounts of fecal matter—including plenty of bacteria—can be found in the anal canal, so prostate play (and anal play in general) does require good hygiene to prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs) and other bacterial infections, from E. coli and hepatitis A. Protect yourself (and a partner) by always washing toys used in prostate play with antibacterial soap after use. Never insert a toy from someone's anus into a partner's vagina or anus without first cleaning it carefully. Wash your hands thoroughly, too. And, of course, use condoms and dental dams to protect both of you from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Can prostate play help me orgasm?

Yes. Not only do a lot of guys come through prostate stimulation, but surveys also show orgasms achieved this way are 33 percent more intense. Over time, prostate massage can lead to firmer and thicker erections, and may also alleviate erectile dysfunction (ED), support fertility and reduce underlying prostate pain.

How do I get started with prostate play?

For your own comfort (psychological more than physical), start with solo play. Apply a bit of lube to your anus with a clean finger and gently caress the area. If you like the sensation, try inserting a lubed finger. If you press against the front wall of the anal canal, the prostate should feel like a fleshy bulb of tissue, which swells as you become more aroused. Try making the "come hither" sign with your finger, gently pressing against the prostate and releasing, or drawing circles around its perimeter. See what feels good to you and explore it, then consider adding another finger or two.

Toys such as butt plugs, anal and prostate dildos, and vibrators can help. Remember to always use a toy with a flared end, because your anal muscles can contract and "suction" toys into your body, leading to an uncomfortable trip to the emergency room.

If you're interested, consider scheduling a little "me time" for some backside self-exploration. Or you can talk to a partner about prostate play. They can start with gentle massage, eventually insert a finger and progress from there. There are virtually endless activities aimed at prostate stimulation to boost pleasure and orgasms.