What Is a Wet and Messy Kink? The Truth About Fluid Fetishes
Sex can get messy. Some might even argue that it's supposed to be that way. As humans, we produce an excess of bodily fluids that more or less guarantee a slip-n-slide effect between the sheets and the clean-up that comes after? Well, that's all part of the wet and messy fun.
But what if you're someone who's into other types of bodily secretions (think: urine, period blood, female ejaculation)? "There can be a really big taboo feeling around [fluid fetishes]," said Azaria Menezes, a sex and relationship coach based in British Columbia, Canada. However, playing with certain fluids during sex could be a "really great way of normalizing bodily fluids."
Sarah Melancon, a California-based sociologist and clinical sexologist for Sex Toy Collective, who has worked in the adult film industry producing fetish porn, agreed because, she said, the receiver is enjoying a part of the giver's body that is often kept private and hidden, so the act of sharing can feel like it's enhancing the bond and sense of closeness between both partners.
Still, some fluids or exploits such as Rainbow Kisses, a trendy act during which two people perform oral sex on each other during the woman's menstruation and then share each other's fluids in a messy kiss after both parties finish, creating a colorful "rainbow" effect, are safer and easier to experiment with than others. If you're looking to add a little more sploosh to your splash and make your next night (or morning) with bae one for the books, dive into the wet, wonderful world of fluid fetishes. We assure you the "waters" are just fine.
Squirting: Is it really female ejaculation?
Squirting is a part of female ejaculation, which a 2017 study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found occurred in 69 percent of female respondents. The International Society for Sexual Medicine also reports that 10 percent to 50 percent of women ejaculate, but most don't know it because fluid flows back into the bladder.
As fluid fetishes go, squirting is extremely popular. On Pornhub, squirting videos became one of most searched for on the site in the early 2010s (are still among the top searches, as recently as 2020 on the Pornhub Sexual Wellness Center), with women 44 percent more likely to search for these saturated videos compared to men.
Two types of fluids can occur during female ejaculation. One contains fructose and prostatic acid phosphatase (PSA), which is believed to come from the female prostate and contains similar components to male ejaculate. The other, which occurs during squirting, is usually odorless and colorless and comes from the bladder, according to 2011 findings from the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Because it comes from the bladder, you might be wondering is squirting actually urine? A 2015 study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that it is "essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity," although prostate-like secretions in the fluid were also present, too.
Want to experiment with squirting yourself? Melancon recommends focusing on the G-spot and making sure your partner is highly aroused before you do, as massaging this area before a partner is turned on "may feel irritating" or make them feel like they "[have] to pee, which can reduce arousal."
Once your partner is fully aroused, consider using a "come hither" motion with your fingers to stimulate the G-spot. Melancon also recommended doing it from the doggy-style position, as it can make it easier for some to achieve, especially when coupled with clitoral, nipple or anal stimulation.
Pee: Is it actually sterile—and is it worth exploring?
Watersports, golden showers, piss play—there are tons of terms used to describe urophilia, aka, the act of being turned on by peeing or getting peed on by someone else.
"Urine and pee fetishes can involve a range of acts," Melancon said, including watching your partner pee, interest in the volume or color of urine, peeing on or being peed on by your partner, peeing in your partner's mouth or vice versa, peeing on objects and other types of drenched fantasies.
Pee contains a mix of water, electrolytes and waste, and although some might believe it's sterile, several studies—including one in 2014 by the Journal of Clinical Microbiology and another in 2015 by Urologia Internationalis—have revealed that urine can contain traces of bacteria. If you're playing with it, you may want to limit your ingestion and exposure, just to be on the safe side. (Closing your eyes—or having a partner do so—and drizzling warm water all over the body may create the same effect, without any potentially negative after-effects.)
Although peeing during sex might seem incredibly taboo to some, it's not uncommon: A study from PornHub revealed a nearly 300 percent uptick in searches for "golden showers" once #Watersportsgate became trending news. Taylor, 29, based in California, describes it as one of her favorite fluid fetishes. "My partner has a penis and very often they will pee on me or in me," she said. "After having anal, they'll pee in my butt."
For Taylor, who's originally from Kentucky and grew up Catholic, experimenting with piss play has been a way to explore pleasure on her own terms and foster a greater sense of intimacy with her partner. It's also a huge turn-on, she said, because of how much sensation it adds. "A lot of times when someone comes in me I can't actually feel that, but with pee, I can."
When it comes to the deed, Taylor revealed that she and her partner usually do it in the tub or bedroom and use the Liberator Fascinator throw blanket (which Melancon also recommends for piss play), as it helps keep bedding dry.
"I think recognizing it's going to get messy and setting yourself up for success is a huge help," added Taylor, as does communicating openly and doing regular check-ins after sex, which she and her partner do to make sure they're both feeling cared for and supported along the way.
Period blood: What's in it, and is it safe?
Period blood contains all kinds of components: discarded uterine tissue, secretions from the cervix and vagina, bacteria and, of course, straight-up blood.
Avoided by some but relished by others (see: rainbow kissing aficionados), riding the crimson wave to pleasures untold isn't for the faint of heart on account of the mess it can make, but a 2018 survey by Clue, a period tracking phone app, and the Kinsey Institute Condom Use Research Team, found that 15 percent of menstruating women maintain their usual sex activity during their periods.
"[My current partner is] the first partner that I've ever felt comfortable having sex with while menstruating," Taylor said. She enjoys it because it feels great and helps with cramps. "I actually think I orgasm better [during menstruation]."
There can be other reasons why folks might enjoy sex during menstruation, including that it "can feel it is more intimate," Melancon said. "That menstrual blood provides additional lubrication, [that it's] empowering to act on your sexual desires and have fewer fears of pregnancy at this time of the month."
According to 2001 findings by Obstetrics and Gynecology, the average woman only loses about four tablespoons of blood during menstruation. While that amount might not seem like a lot, it can still leave behind a big mess in the bedroom (using a towel or investing in something like the Liberator Fascinator throw blanket might help with post-coital cleanups).
The mere sight of period blood may also be a turn-on, especially for anyone who's interested in earning their "red wings," which is the act of performing oral sex on someone while they're menstruating. (Hunter S. Thompson even makes a reference to it in the book "Hell's Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga," describing it as a rite of passage among bikers.)
But ingesting or coming into contact with someone else's blood can be extremely hazardous due to the risk of bloodborne pathogens, so this is one fluid fetish to be careful with. If you or your partner is still really eager to play with blood during sex, consider making your own fake version instead—you can still act out all your naughty vampire fantasies but without the stress. (Bonus: This recipe is edible, too.)
Rainbow kissing: Just a risky fad or fetish worth exploring?
"Rainbow kissing takes 69 to a whole new level," Menezes said of this deed, which could be a fluid fetishist's dream come true, as it involves swapping not just one but two types of fluids (period blood and ejaculate).
Melancon agreed: "Rainbow kissing is likely the perfect combination of kinks for a handful of individuals and couples out there, and great for them." However, given rainbow kissing's recent notoriety—#rainbowkiss has more than 11 million views on TikTok, and there are countless Twitter threads on it—Melancon has doubts about the act's real popularity in the bedroom. "For the most part, I think rainbow kissing is an internet trend popularized to garner clicks, capitalizing on many people's automatic "[What the f*ck]?!" reactions," she added.
Both Menezes and Melancon point out that rainbow kissing is potentially risky if a partner has a sexually transmitted infection (STI), or if their STI status is unknown. "Due to the nature of this act, safer sex practices such as condoms or dental dams are impractical because the whole point is to get your partner's fluids in your mouth," Melancon noted.
While "generally speaking, the risk of STI transmission is substantially lower for oral sex than vaginal or anal intercourse," Melancon added, it still exists, especially with semen and blood in the mix. If you are planning to explore rainbow kissing, experts recommend sticking to a trusted partner.
Fluid fetishes: Is this kink worth making a splash?
Sometimes, wet is just better, and that can be the case if you're someone who digs on one of the potentially messy fluid fetishes mentioned above. While some—period sex and rainbow kissing—can be dicey, alternatives such as creating fake blood might help you act out your stickiest fantasies, while practicing safer sex in the process.