Shhh! Tips & Positions for Quiet Sex

A Census Bureau report found a 64 percent homeownership rate in 2019 in the United States. More than a third of the population lives in apartments or condos, and you know what that means: neighbors and shared walls, sometimes on all sides.

Even in single-family homes, not everyone has privacy. Forty-seven percent of adults who share living spaces do so as a result of young adults moving back in with parents. Then there are the families with younger children. In 2020, 40 percent of family households had children younger than 18 living at home.

These cohabitators, as much we love them, may be holding us back from a key aspect of our lives: the ability to have noisy, carefree sex.

Impact on your sex life

It may be an obvious detail to point out, but it can be difficult to maintain a healthy and active sex life when you're around people who could be listening in.

Apartment dwellers have a very real worry about neighbors. Noise complaints do get made, and they can compromise your ability to stay in your apartment and, at the very least, make for very awkward interactions in the hallway.

Maybe you've been bothered by someone else's loud sex and just don't want to be "that guy" who also disturbs someone.

And then there are kids. No one wants a child walking in at the most inopportune of times.

All of these concerns can result in couples having less frequent or less enjoyable sex. Additionally, some men may develop subsequent issues with erectile dysfunction (ED), and both men and women can suffer from difficulty orgasming if they're worried about others hearing their ecstasy.

Tips to keep it private

To tone it down, try playing music or the TV to mask any sex sounds; not super-loud, though, because you're trying to avoid a complaint! Move your bed away from the walls so the headboard doesn't bang, or perhaps play somewhere else. Try sex in the shower instead. The running water will mask sounds, and the heat can be a turn-on.

Use hand signals rather than verbal noise to communicate pleasure. (I know that's not always an easy option, but it's worth a shot.) You might even consider incorporating gags if you're comfortable with a little kinkiness.

On a more practical level, close the windows and put a towel under the door. And don't forget the obvious: Lock the door!

And while no one likes to plan sex—it just doesn't feel romantic—one easy trick is to plan it around opportune moments. Roommate heading out to get groceries? It's go time.

Positions that lower the volume

You don't just have to change the environment to keep sex quiet: It often helps to change the sex itself. These positions are great for anal or vaginal sex, and they all reduce noise in one way or another.

Spooning is an intimate, sleepy position, great for late-night or early-morning sex while the household is still in bed. For female little spoons, try lifting your outer leg into a butterfly shape to increase access for clitoral stimulation.

As sneaky as a serpent, the snake is quiet and superhot. The receptive partner should lie on their stomach, using a pillow to prop up their hips for comfort, and the active partner should lie on top of them, reducing how much they pull out between thrusts to keep the noise down.

Cowgirl/cowboy is one of the best positions to make sure both partners achieve orgasm, plus it minimizes skin-on-skin sounds. This is because it incorporates more grinding and less in-and-out thrusting.

Missionary is a great way to stay face to face. But if standard missionary seems boring, try a variation: the CAT, launchpad, anvil and so on. There's really no end to how you can customize this position. As long as your bodies stay close together, the thrusting sounds should be minimized, and if someone's about to scream the house down, then you're right there with a kiss.

Done slowly, doggy style on the floor, with controlled thrusts, can be quite stealthy indeed. Doggy requires enough back-and-forth motion that a bed will likely creak, so move this one to the floor, using blankets or pillows to protect your knees.

Don't let concern about noise get in the way of your getting it on! Engaging in sex when roommates, parents or kids are around is indeed a little awkward, but with a few preventive measures, you'll be motioning a happy thumbs-up sign to your partner in no time.