How to Help Your Bottom Orgasm During Sex

Editor's note: Some of the sources for this article requested their full names and locations not be used.

The first time Topher Taylor was penetrated, he experienced a prostate orgasm.

"I just remember feeling like I was going to piss myself," said the 31-year-old sex educator, whose OnlyFans site is filled with horny tutorial videos. "As soon as I learned to relax and breathe through that sensation, I managed to reach orgasm while being penetrated."

Taylor is a seasoned "bottom," which means he almost always plays the receptive role during sex. Basically, bottoms are partners who get penetrated, either anally or vaginally, and it's often—though not always—harder for them to reach orgasm than it is for their penetrating partners. Their "tops" can sometimes be responsible for this lack of climax. Comedic memes, especially within gay communities, bemoan selfish tops who pound away until they come and then leave their bottoms high and dry, with no orgasm in sight.

Tips and tricks

For considerate tops of the world, there are a handful of methods to coax your bottom gently into their own orgasmic euphoria.

First, it's important to acknowledge there are various ways to come through bottoming, which vary based on genitals, partners and the kind of sex you're having. For people with a penis, anal penetration can result in a prostate orgasm, caused by stimulating the prostate, a tiny, walnut-shaped gland known colloquially as the "P-spot" due to its seemingly endless pleasure potential. It takes plenty of time, communication and lube to ease into anal penetration, but the results can be worthwhile.

Prostate orgasms look a little different from ejaculatory orgasms. In Taylor's experience, they begin with a "tingly, burning sensation" before escalating into waves of pleasure, which "build from the inside." Unlike the short squirt of an ejaculatory come-shot, prostate orgasms usually cause clear seminal fluid to leak slowly out of the urethra. Ejaculation can happen, but not always.

It takes plenty of time, communication and lube to ease into anal penetration, but the results can be worthwhile.

Prostate orgasms tend to last longer and feel more intense. In a 2017 review published in Clinical Anatomy, researcher Roy J. Levin scoured the internet to ascertain more insight from prostate pleasure fans. Levin found some people get erections while the prostate is being stimulated, while others do not, and prostate orgasms often induce "extreme bouts of shaking and shuddering before the orgasms occur. When they do, they are infinitely more pleasurable than those obtained from penile stimulation."

Of course, prostate orgasms aren't the only type of "bottom orgasm" out there. Some people with a penis experience multiple climaxes—usually, prostate orgasms followed by ejaculatory orgasms—with enough stimulation, whereas others masturbate while being penetrated anally, resulting in a straightforward penile orgasm. As for people with a vulva, some say they experience the occasional "anal orgasm," describing a mildly different sensation to the usual clitoral or vaginal orgasm.

However, there's still very little research on what bottom orgasms look like for people with a vulva. In a 2021 article published in Culture, Health & Sexuality, Julia Hirst, Ph.D., explored the reasons for this comparative lack of research. The stigma concerning anal sex was cited as a key reason, as well as scientific reluctance to acknowledge sexual pleasure and the overwhelming cultural assumption that only gay men willingly and regularly engage in anal sex.

It's not only for gay men

CeeCee, a 22-year-old OnlyFans creator, enjoys anal penetration, especially when it's paired with vaginal and clitoral stimulation.

"I feel like that's the winning combination for me," they joked. "Anal penetration has definitely contributed to some of my best orgasms. They definitely feel more intense, probably just because the combination can make for quite the overstimulating experience."

Finding willing tops is tricky, though.

"I've had experience with straight, cis male partners who will refuse anal sex, almost always because they find it gross," CeeCee explained.

As for the lack of women-centered research, they blame misogyny.

"Women are constantly looked at as baby-making machines or sluts," they explained, adding that when sex isn't reproductive, the pleasure of women is generally overlooked.

'[Anal orgasms] definitely feel more intense, probably just because the combination can make for quite the overstimulating experience.'

Scientific research on anal orgasms is extremely scarce across the board. In his 2017 review of prostate-induced orgasms, Levin wrote: "Current medical literature does not describe precisely the activation and mechanisms of prostate orgasms," and the same can be said of anal orgasms more generally.

When it came to offering advice for tops, CeeCee recommended plenty of foreplay, lube and communication.

"Being comfortable with the person is the most important thing," they concluded. "When you have that level of comfort, it's almost always a guaranteed orgasm."

Bottoming isn't all about genital penetration, either. Whenever 33-year-old Finn, of the United Kingdom, has given himself a prostate orgasm, it's been with the help of his trusty glass dildo and plenty of lubricant.

"I've been close with long-term partners before, but it's always been by using their fingers rather than their dicks," Finn said, adding that in his eyes, fingering allows more control, "plus our fingers don't get soft like dicks do."

Plenty of prostate massagers are on the sex toy market, and Taylor said considerate tops could learn a thing or two from their designs.

"You'll notice that prostate toys are typically curved and the best ones rotate, so I ask my partner to replicate this motion sometimes," he explained. "It's nice when someone doesn't just push their dick in and out. Instead, it's best to roll the penis around inside to stimulate all of those deliciously tender nerve-endings."

Nailing the logistics is one battle won, but trust, communication, lube and lots of foreplay are all highly desired by every self-identified bottom. Knowing your bottom's turn-ons is key, too.

"I can be quite psychological with sex," Taylor said. "If a top gets verbal with me, it gives my body an upgraded sense of arousal that sex alone doesn't achieve."

As for the fear that he'll piss himself, Taylor now leans into it: He simply lays down a sheet with his partner, who enjoys watching the urine squirt out of him on the rare occasion that it does. As for anal sex, there's always a risk for bottoms––no amount of douching, preparation or communication can help you avoid the occasional mishap if you're bottoming regularly. The key is to embrace the occasional messiness of sex, be a considerate top and try not to let this fear get in the way of your partner's well-deserved bottom orgasm.