A Guide to Dating With a Micropenis
Almost everyone in society has heard the jokes and participated in the culture that purports the idea of a large penis being optimal. However, for people who actually have a micropenis, dating can be like navigating a minefield watched over by a fiery dragon.
While many people with a smaller penis may assume they are in possession of a micropenis, few people really have one. Globally, about 0.6 percent of the male population has a micropenis.
The condition wreaks havoc with confidence, and in a size-obsessed society, people with micropenises are often left feeling like comic relief instead of a desirable partner.
"With this undying myth out there that bigger is better when it comes to penis size, for people who have micropenises, it will feel even more hopeless," said Kenneth Play, a sex educator with extensive experience in helping people maximize their pleasure. "The reality is that anyone on either side of the bell curve might have a problem finding a compatible partner."
Regardless of penis size, dating is a life experience no one should miss out on, and having one does not require giving up on sex or romance.
What actually counts as a micropenis?
The correct way to measure a penis involves measuring the stretched penile length (SPL) while flaccid, which means gently stretching it and measuring the length from the tip to the base. The condition is typically recognizable at birth so the test is often performed on infants.
A micropenis is defined as being less than 1.9 centimeters. An average SPL for an infant is between 2.8 and 4.2 centimeters, and for an adult the average SPL is approximately 13.24 centimeters (5.21 inches). For an adult to have a micropenis, the SPL would need to be a length of 9.32 centimeters (3.67 inches) or less.
Many people with smaller penises may assume their dick size falls under the micropenis category. But the condition is exceedingly rare. Medically, there are a host of reasons why someone might have a micropenis. For example, low levels of testosterone may cause it and so can either an extra chromosome or a missing one.
"Just because the penis is small doesn't mean it doesn't work," said Jeff Foster, a general practitioner in the U.K. with a special interest in men's health. "In conditions where testosterone is a factor, that can have an impact though. Your erectile quality isn't quite as good if you haven't got much testosterone and you tend not to have decent orgasms."
Foster continued, "The more depressed you get, the less sexually active you get, which can lower testosterone further. If you are by yourself practicing, then it doesn't really make a difference because having a smaller penis purely on an anatomical level, you can still have sex, you can still orgasm, you can still ejaculate and get an erection. The difficulty, however, is that penetrative sex becomes more difficult."
Accepting a micropenis
With larger penises being at the forefront of the majority of pornography and mythologized in women's magazines everywhere, desiring a change to your penis is a natural response.
"I suspect that many guys, even if a younger age, realize that most of the men in porn are probably better endowed than the average, but still feel like they cannot compete," Foster said. "Even outside of pornography, society still breeds this idea that having a large penis is better and that women prefer that. The idea is that you should be better endowed to have a better sex life but the average length is actually about 5 inches when erect."
There are limited treatments available for micropenis but they can be dangerous and cause more harm than good. One treatment for micropenis is testosterone therapy, which requires injections every three months and has successfully been used to increase penis size in infants and children. Although somewhat controversial, the treatment has generally been effective, with one or two courses of testosterone resulting in an increase in size for children pre-puberty.
"It's always very easy for someone who doesn't have a problem to say learn to accept your condition," Foster said. "I think that's what we tell people, but it's hard. If you truly have a micropenis condition, then it is always worth seeing a doctor to ask if there are treatment options available before simply saying, 'This is my lot.'"
Explaining the micropenis
"Confidence is key," Play suggested. "You have the body you have—resisting it will only allow you to sink deeper into any associated depression. Accept it and learn how to navigate the world in the body you were born with."
Before engaging in sexual activity with a new date, find time to speak with them openly about your body. Bringing it up before you enter the bedroom and strip naked will save you from enduring a harsh reaction while at your most vulnerable. Set aside time to share your story honestly and you may find dates are more accepting than anticipated.
"Take some time to let yourself bond to the person, so that they see you as an entire human and not just a checklist of various qualities," Play added. "At the same time, you'd want to be relatively upfront so that if this is a deal-breaker for someone, you can move on and let yourself have the chance to find the person that's right for you."
Amid the jokes and vicious mockery of micropenises lives the, "Guess you have to make up for it" line and, while ill-intended, there is a note of truth to it.
Set aside time to share your story honestly and you may find dates are more accepting than anticipated.
Neither achieving penetration nor an inability to do so defines sexual prowess. When in possession of a micropenis, expanding your playing field of sexual options is an important part of developing and feeding your sexuality.
"There are people out there for whom penetrative sex is not their most desirable sex act, people with really small vaginas, or people who don't like penetration at all," Play said. "In fact, for most women, penetration is one of the least reliable ways to ensure orgasm."
Other options to explore include "scissor grinding" or "outercourse," which is where you rub genitals together. This will give a partner with a vagina more clitoral stimulation and allow you to climax comfortably without the pressure of achieving and maintaining penetration. Also, for those pursuing people with vaginas, most of the nerve endings actually live at the entrance of the vagina, where a micropenis can comfortably reach.
"There is a portion of people that will find your micropenis to be not just permissible but optimal," added Play. "It's about finding them, and accepting that you're in a unique situation and will need to find a unique partner."
Open up and help change attitudes
Rejecting sizeist attitudes will help more people with smaller penises feel accepted and embraced in the dating world.
The concept may be terrifying, but there are people who would benefit from your openness and society moving away from the "bigger is better" attitude. With every honest anecdote, more people will feel comfortable sharing their challenges with penis size, and perhaps the social stigma attached to micropenises and smaller penises will finally vanish.