fbpx 6 Ways to Discover Your Kink

Sex - Exploration | April 1, 2021, 9:41 CDT

6 Ways to Discover Your Kink
Wondering if you have some kinks in you? Finding out can make for some fun exploration.
A woman in lingerie finding popular kinks on her phone.

Nobody randomly wakes up one morning, looks in the mirror and exclaims, "I'm a BDSM Dom!" Just like with gender identity and sexual orientation, discovering one's kink is a special journey, not a revelation.

For folks who haven't yet embraced their kinky side, knowing where to start can be difficult. How does a person fully and comfortably explore fetishes and kinks in a world that often dubs interests outside of vanilla sex as "perverted"? Well, here are six tips to help you confidently discover and embrace your kink.

1. Never kink-shame yourself

Sex is subjective. Desires and turn-ons are all unique to the person who feels them. While you may initially judge yourself and assume that other people will find your kink gross or creepy, it's critical to never shame yourself or your fantasies.

Fantasies are just that: fantasies. They are rooted in your imagination. There are some you'd never want to act out. For instance, maybe you've daydreamed about quitting your job and sailing around the world. Great. That doesn't mean you're going to do it.

When it comes to sexual fantasies and kinks, it's important to know that you control your actions and should decide which ones you want to investigate, shame-free.

2. Proactively explore these fantasies

You don't have to spend hours analyzing sexual desires, but if you want to discover your kink, you'll have to spend at least a little time looking for it. Sometimes these fantasies are suppressed and need encouragement to rise to the surface. Try one or more of the following suggestions:

  • Rehash past sexual encounters and figure out what you found most arousing about them.

  • Think about what scenarios get you hot and bothered while you masturbate.

  • Examine common kinks, including group sex, voyeurism, BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) and orgasm control.

  • Watch porn or read erotica and consider which scenes turn you on the most.

3. Trust your partner

Whether you're paired up or flying solo, kinky sexual relationships involve a lot more trust and intimacy than regular ones. You are exposing your vulnerable underbelly when talking about your deepest, darkest sexual desires. It takes courage to fully open up to a partner.

If you're single and want to explore your kink, don't simply hook up with a random person on Tinder. Find a partner you trust and with whom you feel comfortable and confident. This could mean a lover or even a professional Dom. Knowing you're safe and that your partner will stop when told to is essential.

When it comes to kink, no still means no. Whether you need to scream out a safe word, mumble "That's enough," or wave a neon flag, you have the right to determine when you've had enough and say so. And you need to have absolute confidence that your partner(s) will honor that.

4. Lurk on kinky social media sites

You can certainly learn a lot about your kink through observation. Whether you find private Facebook groups, YouTube videos or websites like FetLife.com, clicking around on the web can lead you to new self-discoveries.

5. Respect yourself & others

You may initially assume you're dirty or bad because you like to mess around with food between the sheets or get tied up. Kinky sex doesn't automatically make you a bad person who leads a deviant lifestyle, but crossing any line with a partner can; it's a huge no-go. Also, never do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Always respect both yourself and your partner in a kinky sexual relationship.

6. Keep learning

Learning about your kinks is a journey to self-awareness and acceptance. Always keep an open mind and never stop discovering new details about yourself and your sexuality.

Now that's sexy as hell.

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