10 Ways Men Can Achieve Super-Intense Orgasms: Part One
If there's one aspect of sex that isn't usually considered elusive or mysterious, it's the male orgasm. On a long enough timeline, male orgasms occur by the bucketful.
However, orgasms are often more complicated as men get older, and the once-plentiful climaxes they enjoyed as teens begin to dwindle. Orgasms can become more difficult in a number of ways.
"It's actually a very common concern for men, whether it's having an orgasm too soon or having decreased sensation or having it take a while," said Amy Pearlman, M.D., who heads up the men's health department at the University of Iowa. "And the amount of time and the intensity will change throughout someone's lifetime.
"But no one is sitting down with men to tell them that information," she added.
Here are the first five of 10 great ways men can enhance their orgasms, alone or with company. (Part Two is coming soon.)
1. Mind your mind
"Mindfulness" is an overused term, but the idea mainly derives from meditation and the Buddhist tradition. It revolves around consciously remaining focused on the present moment and attempting to experience whatever is currently happening on its own terms.
In terms of sex, mindfulness might mean putting aside preconceived notions and instead attempting to be fully in the moment to better focus on your partner and what your body feels.
"Mindfulness is kind of the skill we have on the back burner that makes everything else better," said Jen Brunet, M.S.W., a clinical social worker and sex therapist with the Tri Health Clinic in Kingston, Ontario. "Bodies are super-fascinating things that can do a lot of stuff. Practicing mindfulness allows us to be present, to be curious and to be really nonjudgmental."
2. Living on the edge
Edging, or the practice of taking yourself right up to the brink of orgasm and then pulling back over and over again, has pretty much gone mainstream. For guys looking to rock an earth-shattering orgasm, edging can be a great way to build up that tension so when the release finally arrives, it's epic.
"If you're launching a rocket ship, they can call it off anywhere up to the 10-second to seven-second mark," Brunet said. "But once you reach that point, that last three seconds, the rocket is going to go. Edging is about finding that point and stopping right before it. And you stop, then start again, as often as you want. That often leads to a really great and powerful orgasm."
3. A different 'Toy Story'
There was a time not so long ago when "sex toy" referred almost exclusively to products for women. Today, however, men can enjoy a cornucopia of sex toys, from masturbation sleeves to vibrating cock rings, butt plugs, wand vibrators, prostate massagers and more.
For guys who've lost some sensation or who have less responsive erections, toys can be a godsend.
"We think about the use of sex toys and sex tools a lot for women—vibrators and dildos and things like that—but they can also be really useful for men to increase sensation," Pearlman said. "Especially for men who are, let's say, diabetic or older or on other medications, we should normalize the conversation around sex toys. Vibrators feel good. They feel good on body parts. You don't have to be embarrassed about that."
4. Physician, heal thyself
In war, they say you need to know your enemy to succeed.
In sex, if you want to maximize your pleasure with a partner, you have to know yourself.
Reaching a climax may be a near-automatic procedure for most teens and young men, but for older adults, orgasm isn't exactly guaranteed. It's going to be more difficult for your partner to get you there without some guidance, and if you don't know what works best to get you off, both of you could end up disappointed.
Taking the time to mindfully explore yourself and experiment with different approaches when you're alone can help enhance the fun when you're with someone.
"You can't expect someone to know how to pleasure you if you don't know how to pleasure yourself," Pearlman said. "And that's part of orgasms for men, women and any gender. Nobody's taught how to satisfy their partner. So you have to teach your partner how to give you an orgasm and what feels good."
5. Talk dirty to me, baby
Communication is a vital part of having quality sex and better orgasms. While taboos around sex have eased for younger generations, some older folks may find themselves tongue-tied when talking about what tickles their pickle.
"Communication is hard for us to do sometimes even in regular social situations, and really hard to do when it comes to sex," Brunet said.
A big reason for apprehension could be the simple lack of readily available models for how these kinds of discussions should go.
"Those conversations are tough to have because nobody really sees those conversations happen," Pearlman said. "So, let's say a man is very sensitive on his nipples. How might he communicate that in a way that doesn't sound weird? Or if a man likes a prostate massage, whether it's manual stimulation of the pelvic floor muscles or of the prostate—things that men aren't taught that they might like but can be very pleasurable—how do they bring it up?"
Some ideas include having this kind of talk as a part of foreplay or watching porn together and talking about what you see on the screen as a way of breaking the ice.
At the end of the day, open-mindedness and a willingness to explore should be a part of anyone's healthy sexual experience.
Orgasm is perhaps the moment we feel the most unbound and liberated. Taking the time to make it as great as possible is certainly a worthy pursuit.