She Wants to Watch You Masturbate: The How and Why

If there's one act most of us learn to treat as strictly solo, it's masturbation.

Even the most progressive, sex-positive households likely raised their children with the idea of masturbation being private—not dirty or wrong, but something you don't do in front of others.

Interestingly, this oldest and most well-practiced of all sexual activities can feel like a bridge too far with your partner present, even when you've shared all manner of other intimate moments.

If you can work past your initial hesitation, masturbating for and with your partner can take your intimacy to a new level.

The how

Discuss first

Some women talk about how hot it was to catch their partner "playing five-on-one," but this won't work out for everyone. Needless to say, trying to arrange an "accidental" situation could prove disastrous.

As with introducing any form of sex play, communication is key. Suggesting you might like to watch her masturbate can prompt the reciprocal, "Do you ever think about watching me?" and open a conversation.

Expect some hesitancy—on both your parts

Masturbating with your partner watching can be a little daunting at first. You each may feel a little silly or bashful, but try to have a laugh about it and push through. It often helps to simply acknowledge feelings of shyness or discomfort out loud to release the tension. You can even encourage her to talk through what she likes to do, before or during the act.

If she's feeling particularly self-conscious, you could lie behind her and let her lean back on you. This position gets you out of her sightlines while still being quite close and intimate, helping her relax.

Set boundaries

Agreeing to keep a sex session strictly masturbatory can be liberating rather than constraining. Allowing yourself to be only a voyeur or exhibitionist frees you both to relax, pay extra-close attention to each other, and simply enjoy the show—or enjoy being the show.

The why

It's hot

If you peruse internet forums such as Reddit's r/sex thread on topics such as "masturbating in front of your partner," you'll find tons of women commenting on how hot they find it when they watch their partner "take the self-guided tour." When we allow ourselves to be observed while we're our most intimate, vulnerable selves, it can be a huge turn-on for an observing partner.

It's educational

Guys, we were born with the equipment, fully trained and certified on how to operate it. Your lady friend may well appreciate watching your technique so she can incorporate your style when she's playing with you.

And the reverse is manifestly true—at least if the classic clichés are to be believed: most women would likely agree their partner could benefit from close observation of how she touches herself.

It's intimate

There's something truly close, private and secret about sharing masturbation with her, perhaps even more so than having penetrative sex. It's the most clandestine of intimacies, after all, one that's been a private domain preserved only for yourself all these years.

What's more, either solo or mutual masturbation opens the door to discussing your fantasies. Try watching porn together while you do it or wearing sexy clothes or costumes. You can quickly build a deeper level of trust and understanding this way.

It can be an introduction to roleplay

If you're a shyer, more vanilla-type couple, letting her watch you masturbate can open the door to some new roles. After all, it's a pretty stark power dynamic, having her be the voyeur and you the object of her gaze rather than just falling into the missionary position or other routine as usual. And wearing special outfits while having your own individual fantasy could feel easier than jumping into full-on role-play.

For the majority of people, masturbation is the first sex act of their lives. It's also one we keep most closely to ourselves. Bringing your partner into the fold in a voyeuristic, exhibitionist or mutual role can open new doors of intimacy and be an incredible turn-on for both of you.