Giddy Presents The Naked Truth: Challenges for Overweight Sex

I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed professional counselor-supervisor, based in Austin, Texas. I've been in practice for 14 years, including working in corporate settings, higher education and private practice.

If you have questions you want to be answered in future columns, send me an email at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. Privacy in all matters of intimacy is very important to me and any questions answered in this column will be entirely anonymous.

Enough about me, let's talk sex.

I'm not the athletic type. I would actually identify as the average 'dad bod' in my mid-40s with some mid-section heaviness. I know how to please my partner with oral or using my fingers, but I am nervous about having intercourse because of my body size. Are there ways to overcome feeling worried about my performance or if she'll like the way I look?

Bobby in Kansas

I have a few comments about this topic before considering some solution-focused ideas. Getting pleasure from playtime is a right of all humans regardless of body size. Many of us feel self-conscious about anatomy size and facial expressions during sex and ultimately fear the rejection we may have once experienced from a previous partner.

I want you to recognize this from the start: You are worthy of pleasure and you get to decide who deserves the pleasure from you.

I'm a big fan of having a partner with curves, muscles, scars and all the imperfections in between to grip during playtime and sex. I don't have anything against being attracted to the athletic build but I will say that the bigger builds tend to accept the nibbles and feisty kinkier play with a more fun attitude.

Also, good job providing pleasure and orgasms using other methods from intercourse to make your partner scream.

Some common challenges that occur with being "overweight," thicker in the midsection, or even "obese" coincide with shapes to fit with your partner(s), hydration, erection and blood flow, and ultimately your overall health should not be compromised during play.

Bluntly, living in our 108-degree weather in Texas this summer, I cannot help but identify as a sweaty human. I also find it unpleasant when my partner is dripping sweat in my mouth while trying to orgasm in the missionary position.

Another common challenge with a bigger partner may be that they are overheating, getting dehydrated or not paying attention to medical symptoms such as high blood pressure or diabetes. It's important to identify physical challenges during playtime, as much as your mental and emotional focus.

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Premature ejaculation is another common concern for people who are carrying a few extra pounds, and this is mostly related to prolonged droughts in between sexual play and fear of becoming overly excited once they find the right someone to play with.

Regardless of weight or age, any type of over-exertion during playtime is more likely to lead to DE (delayed ejaculation) or ED (erectile dysfunction) because the overheating or heightened heart rate triggers the body to redistribute blood flow and energy to necessary places for survival. That'll take away the blood necessary for firm erections.

With delayed ejaculation, a common anxiety for your partner is that they, in one way or another, are not succeeding at pleasing you. The concern about "assumed" ED has more to do with a lack of electrolytes and frustration with time limits, lack of communication and other variables that are easily alleviated in order to resume an erect and engorged penis and also to have that orgasm you were hoping for.

So, here are some solutions that are easily attainable with an open mind toward your physical, mental and emotional pleasure as well as your play partner(s): Hydration, stimulation breaks and cool-down time, positions and toys.

Going back to getting sweaty—It's super sexy that you are working up a sweat to please your partner. Rather than feeling ashamed about it, consider some positions that allow you to avoid sweating in their mouth. These positions are helpful to work around penis size, your body shape and theirs.

If you imagine your best positions for masturbation, use these in playtime with your partner, as this is a natural comfort zone for your maximum erectile pleasure.

However, I do have a few favorites I like to suggest for heavier men. First, if you sit up on a bed or couch with your head and back supported, your partner can adjust you to the right angle by pulling your torso down and adding more support with pillows. This position creates an intimate angle with you facing each other while also giving you lower back support, an opportunity for the most access to your erect penis and some control from them to fit you together best.

Another position I like is the "reverse cowgirl" where you remain in the same position, but your partner is turned away from you while controlling penetration and having full access to your erection.

I would also suggest any position coming from behind as that provides you with a full range of movement, control of your stride and the ability to caress your partner's body. They can be on any surface on their knees while you position them at an angle for you to control penetration. If knees are troublesome, they can angle with feet on the floor, hands supporting their body against the wall or completely bent over to the floor, body shape permitting.

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Position ideas are endless, but don't worry if you're not emulating your favorite porn star. This is all about attaching physically to your partner in a pleasurable way for you both.

Toys can also be helpful for stimulation of the pelvic floor, anus, clitoris, vulva and vagina. With an "average" size penis, extra midsection weight can sometimes make it complicated for full penetration. This might be a good time to explore a hollow strap-on to fulfill penetrative intercourse. Afterward, if you're still seeking ejaculation, allow your partner or yourself to finish off in a sharing way together.

These are just a few ideas for you to boost your confidence, pleasing abilities and overall connection during playtime with your partner. It's important to keep a good lubricant hybrid nearby and lots of water so you can be prepared for small breaks to rehydrate and overcome dryness. Don't hesitate to take small breaks to get grounded. If your partner is fully charged, finger or toy play stimulation is great to continue while allowing your body to rest.

We all face challenges of some kind during sex play and intercourse. Embrace your body with all of the challenges and awesomeness it has to offer to your pleasure and theirs.

Again, I'm not shy, so feel free to ask me anything. Remember, this will always be anonymous. If you have any questions about relationships, sexual activities or your partners, let me know. Tell me your first name and the state you live in so I can attribute your question. Please email me at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. We will always respect your privacy.