fbpx How a Relationship Coach Can Help You Find Love

Dating And Relationships - Dating | July 22, 2021, 5:46 CDT

How a Relationship Coach Can Help You Find Love

They may have 'relationship' in the name, but their work is more about you than your partner.

Written by

Fabienne Lang
Illustration by Tré Carden

We all know dating and relationships can be a minefield. With every failed attempt, your confidence gets knocked sideways, and you start to question yourself and your choice in partners. Ultimately, you wind up feeling demoralized and like you'll never find love.

And finding love doesn't mean lucking out or experiencing an act of God: It actually takes tremendous self-work and self-awareness to reach a point at which you have the strength to set boundaries and where you know yourself well enough to create and maintain a real, connected and intimate relationship.

If you struggle with the complexities of finding and being in a relationship, you're not alone. You may not believe this, but you can find the love you truly desire.

Investing in your love life

As humans, we crave close connections but are sometimes left stumped as to how to create them. The good news is you can seek help to create such intimacy by working with an expert in the field—similar to when you thought you'd never understand the first thing about algebra until you attended those after-school lessons your mom insisted you take.

When most of us start dating, we learn about love on the fly, which can lead to unhealthy patterns and behaviors, and you could end up in dead-end or abusive relationships, or never date at all.

"A relationship coach can support you both during a dating period, so you can get into a relationship, as well as once you're in a relationship, to communicate kindly and honestly with your partner and to create a deeper connection," said Felicity Casey, a certified relationship coach and relationship expert based in Melbourne, Australia.

When should you hire a relationship coach?

Do any of the following scenarios sound familiar to you?

  • You think of dating as a terrible ordeal involving little fun.
  • You attract partners easily but can't connect even after a few dates.
  • You're scared of dating and unsure how to do it.
  • You're in a relationship but want to connect on a deeper level with your partner.

If you have experienced one or more of the above thoughts, then hiring a dating or relationship coach could be a good move for you.

A coach like Casey works closely with you through a tailored coaching series over three to six months, engaging fears and insecurities. That way, you can put the fun back into dating and understand what you're looking for in a relationship, which will help you better connect with a partner.

Looking for love in all the right places

A relationship coach works with you to develop a long-term vision about what you want in your life. This may start with questions like: What type of relationship do you want? What's holding you back? What patterns did you see in your last relationship?

Answering honestly will help you determine realistic goals. To best achieve them, your coach will help implement an actionable plan, which may include self-love rituals of journaling, affirmations and mirror work (saying things like "I love you" to your reflection), reading books and more.

Rather than training you for a relationship, a relationship coach will largely teach you to love yourself and restore a sense of self-worth. Holding yourself in high regard will then naturally help eliminate people who have a negative effect on you, which means you're more likely to meet people who will be suitable for a rewarding relationship.

"Self-love is the foundation of finding the relationship you truly desire," Casey explained.

A relationship coach's ultimate goal is to provide support while you create a vision for an ideal relationship; give help finding and sticking to action steps to reach your relationship goals; and give expert insight to hold you up during your moments of doubt and celebrate with you when you achieve your goals.

"When you witness the shift from the person who first came to you to the person at the end of the coaching series, that's phenomenal," Casey explained. "Everyone already has it all within them—they sometimes just need someone to bring it out."

Though helpful, hiring a relationship coach isn't a prerequisite for developing a healthy relationship. However, if you're struggling with identifying qualities you want in a partner or with intimacy in general, then a coach could help you get over the hump.

Written by

Fabienne Lang