Scream This Instead: Nicknames For Your Partner in the Bedroom

Asking your partner what they'd like to be called in bed can be awkward, if you manage to work up the nerve to ask at all. Actually vocalizing what you'd like to be called in moments of passion may feel forced and unnatural, too, especially if you like to be called something a little more taboo. However, despite the hesitancy, pillow names can play an important part in leveling up your sexual intimacy.

If you're wondering what to call your partner in bed, you aren't alone. An Instagram poll I did with 1,000-plus followers revealed that 40 percent of people call their partners baby, and 49 percent don't know what to call their partners at all. I know it's not exactly published research, but it was enlightening, nonetheless.

Many people don't stray far from the names they've heard in pop culture: baby, babe and the like. Because of this stagnancy, I turned to sex therapists and coaches for their advice on how to have a conversation about the pillow name we might really prefer.

What's your nickname during sex?

According to Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, the best way to know what your partner likes to be called in bed is to be direct. "You can say something like, 'It would turn me on [if] you called me [insert name] when your body was rubbing up against mine' or some variation of that," she said. "You can also straight-up ask them what nickname they want you to call them and provide suggestions."

If being direct isn't your style, you can also start by calling them by their real name.

"Once you feel comfortable enough, or if you feel that some specific name turns you on, you can put this topic on the table," suggested Nikolina Jeric, co-founder of 2Date4Love, a site that gives expert dating and relationship advice. "You can start it while you're cuddling and say something along the lines of, 'What turns you on? I really love when I call you...' and then see how your partner reacts."

If your partner wants to be called by a name that turns you off, let them know the name would take you out of the mood and suggest something else. There's nothing wrong with telling your partner what does and doesn't turn you on, as long as you do it respectfully.

Here are some ideas for nicknames for different sexual dynamics.

Submissive/Dominant

"If you're into submissive and dominant, or power-exchange sex, you can use names that make you feel in control or like you're surrendering control. For more dominant sex, the submissive partner may enjoy being called a dirty little girl, bitch, slut, whore or bad girl," suggested Katie Lasson, a clinical sexologist and relationship advisor at Peaches and Screams.

Other names for submissive and dominant dynamics include big, mister, master, daddy or twink, according to Carmel Jones, a sex expert who writes about sex and relationships at The Big Fling.

"These names help establish a role in the bedroom, which is why they are tossed around during BDSM," Jones explained. "These might also be names that one is only comfortable being called inside the bedroom, and not outside of it."

It's important to have a conversation about boundaries and name-calling before starting a submissive/dominant dynamic, as the primary goal here is to have fun and not hurt anyone's feelings.

Vanilla

"For vanilla sex, you can call your partner baby, honey, sweetie, love, gorgeous, beautiful or princess," Lasson said.

Other suggestions from Jones included candy, sweetheart or sugar. These names can be used in and out of the bedroom, adding some affection and sweetness to a relationship or hookup.

"Because these names sound edible, it heightens the sexual experience when used in bed without making anyone feel uncomfortable," Jones added.

Romantic

Being romantic is another route you can go with your partner during sex, and names like gorgeous, handsome, love and beautiful can work.

Remember, sex and relationship dynamics can be flexible. Sometimes you might like being called something cute, like bunny, while other times, you might want to be called something more degrading, like brat or slut.

And here are some ideas for nicknames for different genders.

Women or female-identifying

Some women like being called names like slut, whore or dirty girl because it makes them feel like their partner has full control over them. These names can be a way for women to reclaim their sexuality. If a woman was called a slut in a derogatory context, choosing to be called that in bed can be empowering.

Women are typically called names like "sexy, baby, cherry, lover, hottie, busty or wifey," Jones said. However, if a woman likes to feel more dominant in the bedroom, she can absolutely ask to be called names like boss, captain or even sir.

Male or male-identifying

Some men like being called daddy, papi or master during sex, since "it gives them the sense of power dominance, control, masculinity, and it's taboo," Needle explained. "This combination of taboo and power play can prove highly arousing."

If you're a man who doesn't like the taboo or dominant types of names, Lasson suggests trying things like honey, big guy, sexy beast, hottie or honey bear.

Nonbinary

Non-gendered names are a good approach if you or your partner is nonbinary.

"Some possibilities include sweetie, cutie, lover, love bug or boo," Lasson said. "Other options can be names like babe, lover, plaything or my pet."

"Nonbinary folks have likely spent some time being misgendered, and there's so much weight on what a name means to them," Jones pointed out. "That's why it's even more important to ask them what they like to be called in bed."

Just remember that when you make an effort to ask your partner their preferred sexual names, you show that you respect and care for them.

Some final advice, sweetie

Communicating what you like to be called in bed and finding out what your partner likes to be called can be intimidating, but it can heighten sexual intimacy and pleasure. Don't be afraid to try different names for submissive and dominant, vanilla and romantic sex. You can use both sweet and degrading names with the same person since you can have many sexual dynamics, depending on the mood.

Above all, remember that asking their preference is the best way to go. You'll never really know what your partner loves to be called in bed until you ask.