Mythbusting Common Beliefs Men Develop From Porn
When I was 14, I saw porn for the first time. The actress's eyes were tearing up during a worship scene, the mascara was dripping—the whole bit. This video was the first depiction of sex I had ever seen, and as someone who did not have much sexual experience yet, I assumed this was how it went down.
It turns out, I wasn't alone in this line of thinking, as a study by Middlesex University in the United Kingdom found 53 percent of adolescents exposed to porn think it depicts realistic sex. It is no wonder many girls' early sexual encounters leave them traumatized at worst and humping their pillows at best, because their partners do not know how to facilitate a pleasurable experience for them.
Some people believe queer people are better at communication and have more pleasure equality than straight folks. There is also a lot of variety in queer porn, which may lead queer people to be less affected by porn stereotypes. So we'll chiefly target cis-gender straight relationships in debunking these five porn narratives that women seriously wish men would stop believing:
Myth #1: Women become fully aroused at a moment's notice
Have you seen those pornos where a woman sees a wandering penis on the horizon and is immediately good to go? Unfortunately, that's not how arousal works physiologically or psychologically.
Each person with a vulva is unique and may take a different amount of foreplay to be ready for penetration. It is estimated that peak arousal usually takes between 10 and 30 minutes to achieve. Once aroused, a woman's clitoris becomes erect, her vaginal canal elongates, and her vagina gets wet, creating a welcoming environment for visitors. If penetration occurs before arousal, the woman's body is not ready, and penetration may not feel pleasurable or could prove painful.
One effective way to increase arousal for women is by engaging in prolonged kissing and oral sex. However, according to a 2022 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, despite the high prevalence of blowjobs in porn (79 percent to 90 percent of scenes), cunnilingus is depicted only about half as often. Furthermore, the study cited other research which found only 41 percent of mainstream porn videos included kissing and only 4 percent had sex toy use.
Myth #2: Good sex does not require communication
In mainstream porn, the most you get in terms of communication is a disingenuous "You like that?" However, it doesn't feel like a real opportunity for the female star to explain that her clitoris is a bit to the left or you should thrust a little slower and maybe stop calling her a slut (unless that's her thing, in which case, say it louder). During a scene, sexual preferences or boundaries are rarely discussed on camera. Instead, porn stars often engage in dirty talk that doesn't reflect honest sexual communication or indicate clear preferences.
California-based porn star Nathan Bronson said conversations about preferences do occur to some extent; they are just not filmed. Before a scene, he gets a sheet of paper with his costars' recent test results for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and COVID-19. The actors then have a brief conversation about what they like and don't like and any boundaries or acts that are off the table.
Watching porn can give viewers the skewed perception that you can discern your partner's likes and dislikes through body language alone. Many men walk into a sexual encounter thinking of it as a performance instead of a back-and-forth dance involving verbal and nonverbal communication.
Myth #3: Penetration is the best way to facilitate pleasure
In reality, less than 20 percent of women can orgasm from penetration without clitoral stimulation, according to a 2017 study from the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
Showing women orgasming from penetration alone can make women feel like something is wrong when they can't orgasm like this in real life. Every vulva is unique when it comes to pleasure. Depending on their biology and erogenous zones, each individual may need completely different types of stimulation to reach orgasm.
Some women genuinely enjoy harder, faster penetration. Zlata, a porn actress based in Budapest, Hungary, agreed that porn focuses on penetration and male pleasure. "I like hard rough sex, so it's not a problem for me," she said. "In my private life, I prefer sex like this, too. I think my job is perfect because I'm submissive in sex."
There is nothing wrong with enjoying any type of sex, it is simply important to understand that this common form of porn sex—rough and submissive—isn't the only type of sex out there.
Myth #4: Men are more worthy of orgasms than women
The focus on male pleasure becomes quite apparent when exploring the "orgasm gap" in porn. Researchers from the University of Quebec in Montreal analyzed PornHub's 50 most viewed videos of all time to determine how orgasms were portrayed. They found 78 percent of the men were shown orgasming, but only 18 percent of the women were shown reaching climax.
The problem with not showing female orgasms is it can normalize sexual encounters where women have fewer orgasms than men.
Of course, orgasms are not what sex is all about, but there should be general equality in pleasure received. When mainstream porn focuses mainly on male pleasure, women might easily assume their satisfaction is less important than men's.
Myth #5: Sex is not awkward and messy
Unless you dig through the internet for porn blooper reels, you don't see when there is a bit of poop around someone's butt, when they attempt a position that doesn't work or when they crack up because sex is inherently silly. The depiction of flawless sex in porn can leave the rest of us "nonprofessionals" particularly embarrassed by the inherent awkwardness of the sex we are experiencing.
"Occasionally, there are mishaps like someone falling off a couch," said Matt Slayer, a Hollywood-based production assistant on porn sets. "We cut and reset in those situations. Or, for example, we had a scene where the male talent was sliding because of all the oil used in the scene. He had to brace himself against me, with me out of frame, so he would stay in the frame."
Bronson shared similar sentiments, explaining that one time as he was coming, he slipped and fell because the floor was covered in whipped cream.
Of course, pornography is not all bad. Watching porn can be a great way to intensify sexual arousal, explore fantasies, normalize fetishes and get ideas of what to explore with a partner. However, it is essential to understand that most mainstream porn is made by men for men.
As a result, most porn does not focus on female pleasure and may leave viewers with skewed beliefs regarding how to facilitate a pleasurable sexual experience for someone with a vulva.
"I don't fake orgasms, I don't do penetration if I don't want to, and most of my videos are clitoral stimulation only because that's what I prefer," said Luna, a cam star who creates self-pleasure videos.
Female pleasure seems to be closer to the forefront when the actresses have more control over the content and over their orgasms.
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