The coronavirus pandemic has placed a ton of stressors on us: social isolation, financial strain, issues with homeschooling and business closings, to name a few. Another unexpected pressure is suddenly being stuck at home 24/7 with our significant others.
That’s right, we’re talking around-the-clock, day-in/day-out, can’t-remember-the-last-time-you-were-alone kind of pressure.
Turns out, it’s possible to be together too much. Familiarity, if it doesn’t breed contempt, certainly can be monotonous. Frustration, impatience and anger are normal reactions. This alone places strain on the best relationships and can make it difficult to keep the romance alive.
Thankfully, you can take several steps to combat the COVID-19 sheltering blues and keep your sex life spicy.
Identify the problem
Losing the spark differs for everyone and is unique to each relationship. You’ll need to identify difficulties between you and your partner before you attempt solutions.
Questions about your partner to consider include: Are they unusually unhygienic because they’re living in sweats? Are you lusting for them less because they are working from home on the couch next to you all day? Are they bored and distracting you from your job, causing frustration? Perhaps they’re watching too much TV?
Think honestly about the changes in your relationship and how they’re affecting your sex life.
Solving an issue usually depends on identifying the root cause.
If you spend too much time in the same space, try enforcing stricter boundaries. If you don’t have a separate office, create one in your bedroom or the kitchen. And if you need to work in close proximity, enforce ground rules about when it’s OK to chat and when it’s not. Perhaps put in a little extra effort to catch up with friends or engage in a new craft or hobby. If you are able to get some time alone, go for walks and do essential errands.
The purpose is to create a sense of space and separation.
If your problems are more related to habit changes—for example, if your partner is mostly responsible for added messiness in the house, doesn’t get dressed for the day, is distracting when you’re trying to focus, and so on—solutions will likely arrive after an honest and open conversation.
Test out your new tricks
Whether you clue your partner in on your mission to revitalize your sex life is up to you.
If yes, explain your feelings in a kind way. If your sex life lately is lackluster or dwindling, chances are your partner is aware and likely just as bummed. An honest conversation could bring you closer and get the relationship back on track. Who knows, maybe it’ll even lead to passionate sex.
If you don’t want to have this conversation just yet, perhaps out of fear of hurting your partner’s feelings, try implementing your own strategies and see what response you get. If you dress for work and increase efforts to keep the house clean, your partner may be inspired to shape up for you. You might even reignite your sex life by surprising your partner with some new lingerie or hopping into the shower with them unannounced.
COVID-19 has been stressful enough without it ruining our sex life. So don’t let it.