Knock Please! How to React When Someone Finds You Masturbating

Deciding how to verbally address an embarrassing situation often comes with an unshakeable feeling of dread. You not only have to experience the humiliating event again, but you're forced to talk about it. A failure to knock is a frequent culprit for these kinds of interactions.

So I ask you: If another person walked in on you while you were masturbating, how would you react?

There's a strong chance this isn't a hypothetical question. Most households in the U.S. are shared, whether via family, friendship, romance or necessity. And masturbation, despite everything we know about the subject, is still not something universally approved of or discussed in polite society. In 1994, when the U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders recommended including masturbation as a topic in public sex education, she was so heavily criticized that she was pressured to resign.

According to Planned Parenthood, 82 percent of parents have talked to their children about topics related to sexuality at some point. However, the majority leave masturbation for self-discovery or future awkward encounters. Even trained healthcare providers avoid the discussion.

Talk about the taboo

Trevor, 34, still recalls his mother walking in on him masturbating as a teen as one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

"Upon entering the room without knocking, she momentarily lost her balance and stepped back, but then continued as if she was blind and kissed me goodnight," Trevor recounted. "I felt the kiss of death on my forehead as I held the covers up with all the might of a 14-year-old boy who wished he was, in fact, dead. Neither of us ever mentioned it, but she always knocked after that evening."

Choosing to avoid discussing the event can reinforce the taboo nature of masturbation and increase the notion that it's wrong or bad.

"I almost wish my mom would have just made a joke about it the next day or something to normalize it," Trevor said.

Barging partners

While many parents and roommates choose to respect the person in question by pretending the situation just didn't happen, couples have different concerns. After 26-year-old Camila's boyfriend took an unusually long time in the shower, she worriedly barged in on him taking care of other needs besides hygiene.

"First, I wondered if our sex life wasn't satisfying him," she said. "We have sex frequently, so I didn't understand why he was secretly doing that in the shower, not even wanting to include me. Then, funnily enough, he reacted as if I'd walked in on him cheating on me."

Research from Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., founder of the Sex & Psychology blog, put Camila's concerns to rest: Higher frequency of masturbation in a relationship can actually be a sign of an extremely satisfying sex life. While the research surveyed only women, Lehmiller's argument is that masturbation provides a healthy sexual outlet when one partner isn't in the mood or when a couple can't physically be together.

"Self-pleasure is a way to learn about and expand your sexual self, and you can take what you learn into partnered sex to reach new heights," Lehmiller wrote.

Of course, there is no right or wrong way to react to being caught at such a private moment, but you can let the person who caught you know that what they saw was an act of wellness in the form of self-care. Masturbation has been scientifically proven to boost mood, promote better sleep, release stress and more. It's also a way of getting to know and understanding your body, desires and sexual needs.

Simply put, there isn't anything to feel guilty or ashamed about, especially considering the other person is most likely sharing a part of the embarrassment with you. Why not shrug it off as part of what unites humanity?

Oh, and remind them to knock next time.