The Best Sex Positions for Your Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia affects about 1 in 20 people to varying degrees—4 million people in the United States alone.
For Giddy writer Hannah Shewan Stevens, fibromyalgia caused her to experience dull aches, stabbing pains, throbbing joints and bone-crushing fatigue from the age of 14.
The chronic disorder is more commonly seen in women than men.
Some patients with fibromyalgia are unable to have sex because of painful muscle spasms, while other sufferers report it does not interfere with their sex lives. Stevens explained fibromyalgia can render her favorite positions impossible, and at other times, the pain is too overwhelming to allow sex to be pleasurable at all.
To help combat flare-ups during intimate moments, here are five sex positions that will reduce pressure and pain and require less physical exertion. These positions aren't necessarily new, but you'll find aid in strategic adjustments that make them more comfortable when dealing with fibromyalgia.
1. Supported missionary
Missionary sex is a common starting position. Plus, it's solid if you want to prevent your partner from going too deep on accident. Not only does it work for most people, but being face-to-face allows for better communication and intimate eye contact.
People with fibromyalgia may want to place a pillow or cushion under their hips or lower back while lying down, according to Devishi Mittal, M.Sc., a clinical psychologist and sexual wellness therapist at Allo Health in Bengaluru, Karnataka, India.
"This can help alleviate pressure and provide support," she said.
If you want to venture beyond pillows, there is a whole world of sex furniture, such as wedges (cushions firmer than pillows) and ramps (bigger than wedges and able to support more of your body weight).
Sex furniture can seem pricey, but it might be a worthwhile investment.
2. Spooning
The spooning position is great for reducing pain and pressure on the joints. In this position, both partners lie on their sides with their bodies slightly curved, both facing the same way. Lying down sideways helps with fatigue and stamina since there's no pressure from the weight of one person's body on top of the other.
"This position allows for a close and intimate connection while minimizing pressure on sensitive areas," Mittal said.
She suggested the person with fibromyalgia lie in the front so they don't have to exert themselves as much physically.
Decentralizing penetration while spooning can also be helpful if you're dealing with pain during sex. You can focus on foreplay using fingers, oral sex, roleplay and sex toys.
3. Relaxed cowgirl
Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl can be a physically demanding position, but modifications can make it less intense.
"Cowgirl allows the partner with fibromyalgia to take control," said Wang Lushun, M.B.B.S., M.Med., a senior consultant and double fellowship-trained orthopedic surgeon with Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre in Singapore and the medical director of Arete Orthopaedic Clinic. "They can determine the depth and speed of penetration, allowing them to find a comfortable position and minimize pressure on sensitive areas. The partner can also use pillows or cushions for additional support and comfort."
Instead of bouncing up and down, just make slight movements that feel good. The partner sitting on top can balance their body weight on their partner or on pillows in front of them. They can then slightly push their hips back and forth to stimulate themselves and their partner.
It may not sound too exciting but what matters is you both feel good.
4. Scissoring
Similar to spooning, scissoring is an ideal position for people of all abilities. Penetration may be tricky in this position, but it's useful if you want to be intimate without exerting too much effort.
"Lie on your sides facing each other and intertwine your legs in a scissor-like motion," said Aliyah Moore, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist for the website Sexual Alpha, a review site for sex toys. "This allows for gentle grinding and intimate contact while minimizing strain."
If you want deeper penetration, try straddled scissoring. Have the partner experiencing pain or fatigue lie on their right side and lift their right leg up. Then the partner penetrating then kneels down, straddles their leg and wraps it around their side.
5. Modified doggy style
Doggy style might be difficult to maintain since it puts pressure on the knees and can require a lot of physical exertion. The modified version reduces pressure by supporting the chest and arms on furniture. Similar to the modified missionary position, you can support your upper body with a ramp, wedge or pile of pillows.
"Instead of being on all fours, lean over a surface, such as a table or the edge of a bed to support your upper body," Moore said. "This variation reduces strain on the wrists, shoulders and lower back."
Tips for better communication
If you experience fibromyalgia, your partner may not understand what you're going through; thus, it is important to communicate and explain your feelings.
One of the reasons the condition remains misunderstood is that people can't physically see the ailments or pain. Here are tips for talking to your partner about how you'd like to have sex.
Use "I" statements
Moore said expressing your needs and concerns using "I" statements will avoid sounding accusatory. For example, try saying, "I've been experiencing some discomfort during sex and I wanted to talk about it," rather than blaming your partner for the pain.
Switch to oral sex
Mittal said many people with fibromyalgia find oral sex more pleasurable and less physically demanding than penetration.
"There's nothing shameful or embarrassing about asking for it," she added.
Share information
Since fibromyalgia isn't well-understood by the general population, educating your partner will help them understand what positions will and won't work for you. Moore recommended that you detail the challenges you face due to the condition and share information about how it affects your body.
The chronic pain and fatigue associated with fibromyalgia aren't easy to manage, but the condition doesn't signal the end of your sex life. With a compassionate partner and a few physical adjustments, you both can enjoy sex while reaping the physical and emotional benefits of intimacy.
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