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| March 31, 2021, 8:10 CDT

Are Quickies Really That Hot?

Speedy sex can be thrilling, but faster isn't always better.

Written by

Alison Murphy
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Obviously, YES

When there's no time for foreplay, the intoxication brought on by quickiesthe frantic unbuttoning of clothes, the pulling aside of underwear, finding a not-too-cold surface to prop yourself onto for an ideal angle of entryis more than enough to make up for it. Not to mention, there are the prurient thrills of worrying whether you might be caught having sex someplace you shouldn't, or whether you can beat the clock and feel your partner inside you before your dinner guests arrive.

There's no feeling like marinating in desire for someone and then not being able to contain yourself when you're finally let loose on each other. It's also an ego booster (not to mention an aphrodisiac) knowing that your partner wants you so bad that they can't wait.

"Whether it's because you can't wait to get your hands on your partner or want to do something naughty, quickies are all about the culmination of something that you've been anticipating, wanting or craving," said Irene Fehr, a sex and intimacy coach based in the Netherlands.

Arousal starts mostly in the brain as it is, and this cerebral attraction is even stronger in women than in men, according to a 2018 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. There are plenty of ways to get hot without touching each other: sexting, for example, a light (or aggressive) graze of your partner when you think no one's looking, or muttering under your breath when you're in public about what you'll do with each other once you find someplace semiprivate.

A healthynot to mention funsex life involves variety. No one is suggesting that quickies be your main source of sexual activity, but as a supplementary exercise, it's worth the…well, not wait. A good quickie can leave you wanting more, but also help you feel more in touch with your own body and sense of desire, and of your partner's. "The sense of connection you have leaving the experience will feel more fulfilling in the long term than the 'result' you got from it" in the moment, Fehr said.

Quickies get a bad rap because of the assumption that without a long and involved period of foreplay, sex won't be mutually satisfying for both partners. But you might look at quickies as a kind of afternoon snacknot a main course, maybe, but something delicious to tide you over or spark your appetite. Who doesn't like an appetizer?

Honestly, NO

No matter how hot the idea of spraying shirt buttons and ripping stockings for a fast, cinematic screw might seem in those first frantic moments, quickies are almost always a sexual shortchange. You can't rush desire; imposing a time limit on sex only sets you up to fail.

"We're not robots," said Jackie Golob, a sex and relationship therapist in Minneapolis. "It would be nice if we had an automatic arousal button, but we don't." In other words, it's unlikely both partners will be able to serve up an orgasm in five minutes, like a burger at the drive-thru.

This is particularly true if one of you has a vagina. For anyone planning to penetrate their partner, remember that satisfying sex requires lubricationand lubrication takes a few extra minutes you may not have. Sure, you can stash a bottle of performance-enhancing lube in your shorts, but the synthetic stuff has nothing on a long, drawn-out bout of foreplay that leaves you drenched. You can start a fire using half a bottle of lighter fluid, but the resulting flames will die out pretty quickly unless you've taken the time to set the wood properly.

Half the fun of sex is in the exploratory stage of foreplay, when you're testing each other's triggers and seeing what gets a reaction, teasing and tasting and literally toying with each other until you can't hold back. Where's the fun in rushing your genitals along to get to the main event?

Slow down, take your time and bring your whole body along for the ride, if for no other reason than you're more likely to get off that wayaccording to a 2020 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, it takes women in a "monogamous, stable, heterosexual" relationship an average of 13 minutes to reach orgasm, which is much longer than most quickies allow. Better to take your time and come out satisfied than to rush through it and end up resentful.

Some people might be into the adventure of getting off quick, and to them we say godspeed. But for most people, there are enough time-based restraints elsewhere in their lives without also imposing it on their sex lives. You don't need that kind of pressure.

Of course, it's up to each individual to decide the value of a quick fix.

Written by

Alison Murphy
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