How to Have Your Best Orgasm: 10 Things to Try
When most people think of an orgasm, they think of mind-blowing, out-of-this-world pleasure. And while this is what an orgasm is like for some people, it's largely a mystery for others.
A lot of people don't experience the explosive orgasms we see in movies, and for some, orgasms are non-existent.
So, what gives? Why are breathtaking orgasms a daily occurrence for some and far-fetched for others?
Let's start with the orgasm basics
To understand how to turn your orgasms up a notch (or several), you need to know why orgasms feel so good.
"Orgasms are the sudden, involuntary release of sexual tension," said Emily Nagoski Ph.D., a sex researcher in Massachusetts and the author of "Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life." She specifically noted that this definition of orgasm doesn't mention pleasure or how the orgasm actually feels.
An orgasm is your body's physiological response to stimulation, while pleasure is your brain's interpretation of said sensation. She went on to explain that your mental state plays a significant role in whether or not an orgasm—or any sensation for that matter—feels pleasurable.
Many factors contribute to how good—or not—an orgasm feels.
"Say that your significant other, a crush or someone you're flirty with starts tickling you," Nagoski said. "You can imagine situations where that's fun, right? Flirtatious. Potentially leading to some nookie. Now imagine you are feeling annoyed with that same special someone and they try to tickle you. It feels irritating, right? It's the same sensation, but because the context is different, your perception of that sensation is different."
Your mental state is a significant factor impacting how good an orgasm feels. However, that's not the only component. The kind of stimulation you receive, where on your body it's happening and how long you've been aroused can all impact how good an orgasm feels.
For example, a study published in 2023 indicated the clitoris contains 10,281 nerve endings, on average; similarly, the penis is densely packed with nerves. This makes stimulation far more intense on these body parts. The lips, cervix and anus also all have a higher concentration of nerve endings than in many other body parts.
The clitoris and penis are connected to the brain via the pudendal nerve, and the G-spot stimulates not only the pudendal nerve but also the pelvic and hypogastric nerve, according to Nan Wise, Ph.D., a neuroscientist and certified sex therapist in New Jersey, and the author of "Why Good Sex Matters."
All of these factors contribute to how good—or not—an orgasm feels.
How to have your best orgasm
Having your best orgasm is a two-fold process. It's about your mental state and your physical technique.
Yes, it would be nice to ensure your orgasms are optimal, but the truth is orgasms are highly individualized. The technique that works for your partner or friend may not work for you, and vice versa. Despite this, there are several techniques known to deliver bigger, stronger and more enduring orgasms. Here are 10 of them.
Edging involves bringing yourself to the edge of orgasm, backing off, and repeating the process until you finally decide to have your orgasm. While this technique may sound as if you're denying yourself pleasure, it can actually make orgasms more intense.
This is partly due to the psychological element of wanting something you can't have, and it becomes even more intense when someone else is edging you.
In addition, edging increases blood flow, arousal and the sensitivity of your nerves, and it can help you become more mentally engaged in the experience.
Even if you don't try edging, spending a longer amount of time building arousal can make your orgasm more explosive.
One way to make your orgasm more intense is by practicing sexual meditation, according to Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based sex and relationship coach and a professor at California State University, Fullerton.
"Research from the University of British Columbia found sexual mindfulness activities can heal sexual dysfunctions, anxiety and increase sexual desire," she said.
Sexual mindfulness is the practice of tuning into your body and noticing any sensations or emotions that arise, without judging them. This can involve simply doing a five-minute sitting meditation or a meditation specifically for sex, such as Suwinyattichaiporn's free guided sexual meditation.
This technique can help you get into a more relaxed headspace and heighten your awareness of bodily sensations, which can make sex and orgasm feel more intense. If you tend to be stressed, stuck in your head or anxious during sex, this technique could help you have better orgasms.
Use a sex toy
When it comes to techniques that can make orgasms more intense, sex toys are high on the list. Vibrators especially—whether for your anus, clitoris, penis or G-spot—can deliver more intense targeted stimulation to the nerve endings in your genitals. You can even pair toys with techniques such as edging or sexual mindfulness to make orgasm more powerful.
Yes, practice makes perfect when it comes to sex, too. It takes time to get to know what your body likes the most. Practice various positions, types of stimulation and locations on your body while masturbating or having partnered sex to see how your body responds. As you learn what is most intense for you, you'll have a more direct path to reaching bigger, stronger orgasms.
De-stress…then de-stress some more
"Stress depletes our ability to be able to experience pleasure. It also depletes the hormones and the neurotransmitters that are involved in pleasure," Wise said.
If you're stressed, it's unlikely you're going to have your best orgasm.
The antidote, Suwinyattichaiporn said, is practicing self-care.
"The last thing a stressed-out person wants to do is to get sexually intimate," she explained. "Find a self-care routine that is stress-relieving so that you can have the capacity to engage sexually."
For example, she recommended long walks, warm baths, journaling and meditation, all of which help her de-stress and enter a better headspace for sex.
Choose your positions wisely
While fumbling through various positions never seems to be a part of steamy sex scenes in movies, doing so may be an essential part of making sure you have your best orgasm. The right position can help you access and stimulate the most pleasurable part of your body, or your partner's. Sometimes you don't need to experiment, it's best to just go with what you know works.
To have better orgasms, find positions that give you the best access to the most sensitive places on your body.
If you're having insertive sex, for example, Suwinyattichaiporn recommended you choose a position where you have your own access to your clitoris, such as doggy style. If anal play is highly sensitive or pleasurable for you, be sure you or a partner has easy access to your anus.
Don't forget, though, if you're putting yourself in strenuous or painful positions, that can make it difficult for your body to relax. And relaxing is one of the most important components of orgasm.
Make a list of your best sexual experiences
Practice is a great way to find a reliable way to have better, more intense orgasms. Experimenting in the moment can be fun, too. As an alternative, think back to your best sexual experiences and write them down, including what made them feel so good.
You should also include the location, who you were with and your emotional connection with them. This is an adaptation of an exercise created by Nagoski with the idea of noting the patterns that arise or the experiences that stand out, which can be used as a future indicator of what your body needs for the best orgasms.
Take the pressure off
The more pressure you put on yourself to have an orgasm, the more difficult it becomes. Not just that, but if you feel like you have to have mind-blowing orgasms to have good sex or that you need to provide this to your partner, this pressure will definitely make sex less enjoyable.
It may seem counterintuitive but don't focus your entire sexual experience on having a better orgasm. While it will likely help to incorporate one or some of these techniques, make the goal to see what it feels like when you try them, not just to reach orgasm.
Remember, orgasms aren't the end-all-be-all of sex
Despite the title of this article, there's more to sex than just another notch on the orgasm belt. Orgasms can make sex much more exciting, intimate and pleasurable, but they aren't the only distinguishing marker of good sex.
For some people, orgasm is low on the list of factors for good sex. If you don't orgasm or if orgasm isn't your favorite part of sex, that's OK. Orgasm doesn't have to be your priority or your partner's. Focus on what makes sex better for you.
Oh, don't forget to use a lot of lube.
Learning to have more intense orgasms can be an exciting way to learn more about your body, experience pleasure and connect with a partner.
Remember not to put too much pressure on yourself to orgasm. If your ultimate goal is to have better sex, the best thing to do is follow what feels best for your body.