Giddy Presents The Naked Truth: Can I Have Casual Sex With Friends?

I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed professional counselor-supervisor based in Austin, Texas. I've been in practice for 14 years, including working in corporate settings, higher education and private practice.

If you have questions you want to be answered in future columns, send me an email at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. Privacy in all matters of intimacy is very important to me and any questions answered in this column will be entirely anonymous.

Enough about me, let's talk sex.

I admit I honestly love having sex. But I'm left feeling disappointed or empty when one of my 'friends' reaches out and it feels like a booty call. Should I just be happy to get laid and have sexual attention or is this a real feeling to consider?

Mia in Utah

Sex, although technically a natural part of human biology, is not as simple as we think. As much as I hate the word "boundaries," I would very much suggest that with every partner, sexual or affectionate, you know how you feel and what motivates you to respond to their calls or texts when they reach out.

I totally understand being home alone on a Friday night, ordering takeout for the eighth time that week and facing the fact that feeling lonely gets really old really fast. After a few new episodes of my favorite shows and a belly full of sodium, I can be left feeling pretty vulnerable to that 11 p.m. text message from a nonplatonic friend asking me what I'm up to.

Instant gratification versus longer-term patience is as complicated as sex and affection. Perhaps I would prefer this person to reach out on a night when I wasn't feeling lonely, but it is what it is. Sometimes when we're in a vulnerable state of transition—moving into a new place or going through a breakup, for example—our choices lean more toward feeling better now, temporarily making the pain go away.

This is what may have led you to say yes to hanging out even though you know sex is not what you were really looking for. Companionship and fun company can be a good alternative to loneliness. Sexual attention can be fun and healthy, and there is nothing wrong with feelings of fun and instant gratification.

However, you should consider the depth and desire of what you're seeking. Consensual meetings, text replies and even a hookup can be fine. But it can be very confusing emotionally, too, especially if you're on a path toward a more meaningful connection.

Trust your gut, listen to your feelings, and don't be afraid to be direct and honest about what you are truly seeking.

Long-term, even in the next 12 hours, ask yourself, "Am I going to wake up happier after a good night's rest or am I going to be more satisfied after a couple of hours of sexual attention?"

Either way, if you wake up feeling alone, decide what will be less painful in the bigger picture.

Again, I'm not shy, so feel free to ask me anything. Remember, this will always be anonymous. If you have any questions about relationships, sexual activities or your partners, let me know. Tell me your first name and the state you live in so I can attribute your question. Please send me an email at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. We will always respect your privacy.