My Partner Wants Me To Shave Down There

Grooming your pubic hair as a woman can be a real annoyance. To start, it’s costly. Buying razors, shaving cream, hair removal products or paying for regular waxing or laser hair removal appointments can add up quickly. Then there’s the time spent removing the hair, adding precious minutes to your shower routine every few days. There also are the unsightly and painful side effects of ingrown hairs, cuts and razor burn on an already sensitive area. You may be more than tempted to just let your bush grow in true 1970s style.

Similar to other trends, pubic hairstyles go in and out of fashion. In the United States, we consider the 1970s, the golden era for full-bush and robust amounts of pubic hair, but with each decade we’ve gone further toward the direction of below-the-belt hairlessness for all genders. About 84 percent of women and 66 percent of men in the U.S. claimed to groom their pubic regions in a 2019 study. This cultural shift is likely the result of the rise of shaving in the beauty industry, trends in pornography and the overall incorrect association between body hair and being unclean.

Regardless of pop culture, you likely have your reasons to groom or not to groom. So what do you do when your partner mentions in passing or directly they’d prefer if you got rid of your pubic hair? Here’s a look at how to approach the situation and stay true to yourself.

Have an open mind

You may be facing initial feelings of disgust at the request, affronted by the audacity of a partner to comment on your body or ask that you change an aspect of yourself for their sexual gratification. This natural reaction when a partner comments on the physical appearance of an intimate part of your body may make you feel uncomfortable or insecure and have you ready to get defensive.

While you definitely should not dismiss your feelings and reactions, after you’ve taken some time to think, remember your partner already finds you attractive and you’ve likely been intimate with them if they’re making such requests. Consider or ask about their intentions with the request. Would shaving spice up your bedroom life by making the act of oral sex more inviting for them? Are they looking for a change that will help their feelings of sexual stimulation? Having an open flow of communication regarding this topic can help you see where they’re coming from and help you feel more confident in your decision-making process.

Do you have a similar request?

If you’re not averse to shaving down there, but aren’t necessarily comfortable with a power dynamic of doing what your partner tells you to, perhaps introduce the idea of a trade to the conversation. If you’ve found yourself thinking about something your partner could easily change about themselves that would make them more appealing to you, ask if they’d be willing to undergo that change, too. Steer clear of suggestions about changing something they’re already insecure about or can’t change overnight.

It may seem a little silly, but evening out the balance of power can strengthen your overall relationship, sexually and emotionally. Instead of it being a chore to groom your pubic area, now it can be somewhat exciting to know you’re both making yourself extra sexy for the other person, akin to donning some hot lingerie or trying out some new positions or techniques in the bedroom.

Aim to please...yourself

While it can be tempting to appease your partner’s expressed desires, make sure you’re also on board with this change in your grooming habits. If shaving your pubic hair makes you feel more confident, sexy and attractive to yourself as well as your partner, go for it. However, if you’re finding yourself dreading every time you reach for your razor or harboring any negative feelings toward your own body as a result of this request from a partner, reject it.

Do what makes you feel the best; after all, it’s your body. If shaving your pubic hair is a deal-breaker for your partner, it may be time to find a new one.