You Can Move Home Without Sacrificing Your Sex Life
How do I have sex living in my parents' house? This question isn't my own, but it could have been: I moved back home shortly after turning 30 while recovering from multiple surgeries and the emotional and financial trauma they inflicted. My bedroom door—a few paces from my parents'—unpredictably popped open at least twice a day. This faulty latch was my excuse for not bringing anyone home, but it was really about shame: I didn't want to explain my situation to dates or think about my parents knowing what I sound like during sex.
But no, this question was posed by Reddit user bssftw, a 29-year-old living in a fucking shoebox with their parents. Their main concern was their tiny bedroom, where the only seating was their bed, making the dynamic too aggressive for bringing a woman home for the first time.
In July 2020, a whopping 52 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds had moved in with family according to Pew Research, lending credence to the term 'boomerang generation' (because they always come back). But what does this mean for the sex lives of the young and fertile?
For some, it's all about creative problem-solving. Meg has been living with her parents in their western New York home since 2014, and even though she's in her early thirties, she's confronted with typical parental concern: Where is she going? When will she be home? It meant a lot of sneaking around, Meg said of the earlier days. The guy I was seeing was also home with his parents while his house was being renovated, so there was a lot of awkward car sex in the middle of the night.
Sneaking around is still a fact of life for Meg, especially because she's not seeing anyone exclusively. I don't want to answer questions until I'm ready, she explained. Even though her parents aren't the snooping types, she still looks for covert places to stash sex toys—because who wants to answer questions about their vibrator over morning coffee?
While Meg relegates sex to cars, hotels or her date's place—and Redditors ask where to have sex that isn't under their parents' roof—there are people whose sex-positive families welcome dates and significant others into their homes without a problem. (They're not regular parents. They're cool parents.)
In July 2020, a whopping 52 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds had moved in with family lending credence to the term 'boomerang generation.'
Lauren, a 34-year-old from New Jersey, brings her boyfriend home without fear of the third degree. Perhaps it's because her now-beau has been part of her life for 17 years, or that her parents are very, very sound sleepers, but Lauren says moving home at the beginning of the pandemic didn't hurt her relationship.
She might even want to thank her parents for welcoming her back home because it solved one key problem: distance. I lived pretty far from my boyfriend before moving home, she said, so it was actually more convenient. She's since moved out and bought a home with her boyfriend, but now knows there won't be any awkwardness over sleeping arrangements during holiday visits.
But what if you're not sure how progressive your parents will be? Masha, 35, moved back to her mother's two-bedroom Queens apartment because of two common culprits, money and a break-up. But there was another layer of stress: Masha had left her husband of six years to be with her now-girlfriend. I didn't know how my mom was going to react to me not only bringing somebody new home after so long, she said, but to bringing a woman home.
Fortunately for Masha, her mom never had an issue, and their close relationship meant they respected each other's privacy. Well-versed in the realities of thin apartment walls, Masha reserved sex for her mom's absence and during visits to her girlfriend's parent-free home. Being welcomed home by a mother who didn't ask for rent money or belittle her same-sex relationship made coming out much easier, even if it took spontaneous sex on a child-sized IKEA bed off the table.
Even though my bedroom was a no-fly zone for three years, celibacy isn't the only option for young people in need of a familial crash pad. Sure, it might involve some awkward conversations—and even more awkward locales for getting your rocks off—but don't turn to incel blogs just yet. I don't know how the story ends for Redditor bssftw, but I do know they're not alone.