How Roleplaying Can Be Great for Marriages

Few experiences feel better than marrying your best friend and falling deeper in love every day. But even the best marriages can have their stale streaks. To get your sex life moving and shaking again, the trick could be to engage in some roleplaying.

Roleplaying is essentially a game of make-believe: You get to be anyone you’ve ever wanted, and be with anyone you’ve ever wanted. Roleplaying doesn’t have to involve crazy costumes, and you don’t have to break the bank on a hotel room. All you have to do is find a fantasy or scene you enjoy and try to embody it in real life.

No matter what role you take, do your best to stay in character and see where the scene takes you. The best part of this game is that you’re sharing the experience with your partner, which has a surprising list of benefits for your marriage.

Benefits of roleplaying

For many couples, the idea of playing pretend may seem a little childish, but it couldn’t be more adult. In fact, roleplaying has so many surprising upsides that marriage counselors sometimes recommend it as a therapeutic device: It both spices up your sex life and builds trust in your marriage.

Furthermore, playing these parts can help you escape the stress of the day while simultaneously spending time with your special someone.

Another advantage of roleplaying is it provides a safe space for you to vary your sexual encounters. When my partner and I first got into the BDSM scene, we adopted personas so we could feel more comfortable acting out our scenes. Little by little, some of our favorite traits from our pretend personas became part of our identity together, and we became more confident and relaxed as a couple.

The ability to experiment and grow together was unexpected, but it also saved my marriage from suffering a fourth-year fizzle. Roleplaying refreshed our relationship, strengthened our bond and reignited our spark. It absolutely helped us stay strong through difficult times.

How to get started

Now, if you’re convinced you should try roleplaying, we have some tips for how to bring it into the bedroom. The first step is to talk to your partner. Sure, you might be tempted to go out and buy some sexy lingerie and surprise your partner, but doing that misses the point of the process.

You want your partner to feel secure, and the goal of this game is for the two of you to play together. You definitely don’t want to be rejected by your significant other simply because of a bout of surprise-induced anxiety, or even outrage.

Instead, sit down with your partner and talk about something fun you want to try. Remember to keep it light. Choose a time when both of you are in a good mood, perhaps while you’re out to dinner, together in the car or just relaxing.

Then, start talking about your sex life:

• Talk about your desire to spice things up.
• Introduce what you’ve learned about roleplaying.
• Tell your partner what you want to try.
• Be honest.
• Ask about your partner’s fantasies. 

And remember, do not judge or laugh, no matter what they say. It takes a lot of courage to admit our sexual desires.

You might feel like you’re putting yourself out there, but this is your partner. If you can’t be honest with this person, then you may have bigger problems that roleplaying might not be able to resolve.

Try to remind yourself this is a team effort. Let your partner be active in the conversation, and don’t take it personally if they seem reluctant. Agree to take baby steps—as long as you like the direction. This is something new, and many people are embarrassed to talk about roleplaying.

Always keep the romance alive

No matter your flight of imagination, roleplaying is a great way to live out your most secret sexual fantasies in a safe and private atmosphere.

Whether you want to be Bonnie and Clyde, Christian and Anastasia, or anyone in between, roleplaying is a fantastic way to bond with your partner and keep the romance alive.