When & How to Have Sex After Surgery

The process of physical recovery after undergoing major surgery is often long and difficult. While other considerations might be top of mind, people eventually wonder if and when they will be ready to resume sexual activity.

The answer isn’t set in stone, but some general rules of thumb and guidelines should be taken into consideration before you get back in the sack.

Sex post-op

When you can return to sexual activities depends primarily on the type of surgery you’ve had, as well as your baseline health. Time frames can vary dramatically: six weeks after a hysterectomy, two weeks after eye surgery, six to eight weeks after heart surgery, two months after hip surgery.

Sometimes, time frames are not even specified. Your surgeon may say you can have intercourse when you can walk up two flights of stairs without feeling out of breath, or may provide some other benchmark.

If your surgery was an outpatient procedure—you went home right afterward—then you’ll likely heal quicker and be able to have sex sooner than, say, someone who remained in the hospital overnight or longer. Many surgeons will say you can resume sex when you resume all of your other activities.

Another important factor will be your age. Simply put, it’s a fact that we take longer to heal as we get older.

Something else that shouldn’t be overlooked: Are you psychologically ready to resume sex? You might have been physically cleared for sex but still don’t feel ready for it.

If you’re experiencing pain or just don’t feel 100 percent fine, don’t “push through.” Even the psychological hurdle about any fears of having sex, or possibly depression related to a new health baseline, may take time to address. Rushing into a return to “normalcy”—and that includes sex—prior to intervention may be detrimental in terms of unresolved emotions and/or anxiety. Talk to your doctor if you feel any hesitation about resuming sex.

If your physician has expressed caution with regard to “any exertion,” that probably applies to sex, too, but be sure to ask for clarification.

Women should ask whether there are medical reasons that may require them to avoid getting pregnant post-surgery. If so, proper use of contraceptives is critical.

Preparing for post-surgical sex

If you’re ready to have sex and have been cleared by your doctor, talk to your partner beforehand. Decide what positions might be best to limit or prevent any pain or discomfort. Agree that both of you should stop if something doesn’t feel right. Your doctor, or a sex therapist, might have some good tips for how to make sex as comfortable as possible, such as certain positions to avoid or the use of supportive pillows.

For example, if you had knee or hip surgery, always try to keep the joint in a comfortable position. Heart surgery patients should adopt a position in which they don’t have to do much of the work. You might avoid lying on your stomach following abdominal surgery. After certain gynecological surgeries, women may need extra lubricant to combat vaginal dryness.

Men may need medications or devices to assist with erectile dysfunction (ED) after surgery on reproductive organs. It’s important to note that some ED medications can interact with post-op medications, so ask your doctor before you resume any erectile dysfunction treatments you were prescribed pre-surgery. Don’t simply assume it’s OK to take them now because they were suitable before your operation.

Start slow. If sex doesn’t go as you planned the first time you try, don’t worry. Give yourself the time you need to heal and try again later.

Please note if you’re not sure your doctor has officially cleared you for sex, it’s always best to make a quick call. Don’t be embarrassed to speak up. They talk to their patients about this all the time, and it's always better to be safe and confirm you’re in the clear.

Finally, if you’re feeling a significant amount of pain, stop having sex immediately. If you feel something is wrong, call your doctor. If your surgery involved a major organ, such as the heart, and something feels very wrong, don’t wait—call your doctor from the car and go to the ER.

Alternatives to sex during surgical recovery

If you’re not yet cleared for sex, or you don’t feel quite ready to get back to intercourse, consider the many other ways you still can be intimate with a partner. Take a warm bath or a shower together and lather each other up. Explore each other with hands, lips and so on. Turn up the volume on your foreplay skills. Sexual fulfillment can be achieved perfectly well without penetrative sex.

Consider this a great time to spice up your sex life by using your imagination. Stay positive and communicate your feelings with your partner(s). If you’re running out of ideas to keep sex exciting or are struggling with feelings of frustration, talk to a sex therapist.

Surgery brings on all kinds of challenges, including its impact on your sex life. Come prepared with knowledge and a game plan, talk to your partner beforehand, and then you’ll both know what to expect and how to deal with the situation.