A Guide for for Dating Someone with Tourette Syndrome

Many of us are chasing a healthy relationship defined by mutual love and affection. However, when imagining the perfect dating scenario, we do not expect our relationship to be interrupted by a condition that betrays normal bodily functions.

Typically beginning in childhood, Tourette syndrome (TS) is characterized by repetitive, sudden, rapid and involuntary movements and vocal sounds called tics. The common image most people hold of TS is uncontrollable swearing, for instance. There is no cure for the neurological disorder, but treatment plans can manage symptoms.

Studies indicate that Tourette's is fairly common with symptoms appearing in 1 out of 160 children ages 5 to 17 in the United States, according to the Tourette Association of America.

With the endurance of the "swearing" stereotype associated with TS, dating someone with Tourettes comes with complications.

What is Tourette syndrome?

"I had pretty obvious tics as long as I can remember, so it was an easy call for doctors," said Bobby Bronson, 29, a tattoo artist and owner of the Decorated Body in Cincinnati who was diagnosed with Tourette syndrome as a young boy. "TS affects me when I'm reading, driving, eating, watching TV and trying to sleep. Although my tics wax and wane, they're ever-present and always a large part of my being."

Tourette's patients usually experience their worst tic symptoms in their early teens and see them lessen between their late teenage years and early 20s. For some people, TS is a chronic condition that lasts into adulthood. Data on the prevalence of TS in adults are limited, with estimates ranging from 49 to 657 cases per 1 million adults, according to a 2019 study published in Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology & Biological Psychiatry.

The tic most commonly associated with Tourette's is swearing, also known as coprolalia, but this particular manifestation affects only about 1 in 10 people.

"Some individuals with tics can be symptom-free for periods of days or even months, and [symptoms] are sometimes context-specific," said Matthew Edelstein, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and behavior analyst in New York City. "Tics are categorized as being either simple—eye blinking, throat clearing—or complex—shoulder shrugging, arm flailing."

The tic most commonly associated with Tourette's is swearing, also known as coprolalia, but this particular manifestation affects only about 1 in 10 people with TS, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. TS may be debilitating for people with severe tics that interrupt speech and physical movement, but others experience milder symptoms.

"While the impact of tics depends on a variety of different factors, it can often feel hard to be different from others," Edelstein said. "Even mild tics can make people feel self-conscious and, as tics often first occur in childhood, challenges with confidence are certainly possible."

What it's like dating someone with Tourettes 

"Having TS sort of affects your life in every way. It would be hard to imagine my life without it," Bronson said. "A client asked me once, 'What's it like to have Tourette's?' And I just said back, 'What's it like not to?'"

Managing a condition that impacts your daily functions requires patience and resilience, as well as the ability to maintain self-esteem. The world is not always built to accommodate long-term health conditions, meaning the experience of dating someone with Tourettes can be hard for both parties. 

"The isolating nature of chronic illness brings about conflicting feelings of longing for social connection and an increase in anxiety around social interactions," explained Natalie Fraize, a licensed mental health counselor in Buffalo, New York. "All the things that make dating exciting can be reasons someone with TS feels concerned, because excitement and stress can worsen symptoms."

'All the things that make dating exciting can be reasons someone with TS feels concerned, because excitement and stress can worsen symptoms.'

The symptoms of Tourette syndrome are often exhausting and subdue the energy people need to date successfully.

"Twitching your body around all day hurts," Bronson said. "I get really sore and sometimes get head- and muscle aches if they're being particularly bad that day. Putting the pressure of a date on after it only exasperates that."

The stigmatization of the condition bleeds into the dating scene, especially as depictions in popular media are typically limited to TS patients with coprolalia and people's prejudices may sometimes derail a romantic connection.

"Patients dealing with tics often report attempts to conceal their condition in order to avoid judgment and humiliation," Edelstein said. "Awareness often yields acceptance, and many positive role models are working to undo negative stereotypes."

Sex when dating someone with Tourettes 

"Sexually, I have had some blunders," Bronson said. "Anytime my emotions are heightened, my tics respond accordingly; this includes sex. Trying to make out and then my mouth wants to do that 'be open all the way for five seconds' thing—you need to be able to laugh about it."

Developing a positive sexual relationship with a new partner always comes with unique obstacles, even for people without Tourette's, so set aside time to explain your needs and tics to protect yourself and create a harmonious physical union.

"TS is something you have to talk about with sexual partners, so making it comfortable to talk from the beginning is invaluable to having safe, comfortable and enjoyable sex," Bronson added.

Tips for dating with Tourette syndrome

"Take some time to decide how you want to tell your story," Fraize advised. "The experience of TS can feel out of control, but this is your chance to get your power back."

Bronson, who experiences eyebrow twitches and accidentally tipping things onto himself, uses his tics as a gateway for communication, sometimes saying, 'Oh, is my face doing that thing?' with a laugh. "Then I'll explain that I have TS, and that can usually lead to a meaningful conversation from there," he said.

If being direct feels too daunting, build up confidence with other activities, such as going out with friends, trying a new hobby or joining a club that exposes you to people outside of your inner circle.

Most importantly, avoid suppressing tics around new people. TS is nothing to be ashamed of and suffocating symptoms to "appear normal" only makes you suffer.

"Tourette's is part of who I am, and I've learned to do my best to live with it, not counteract it. Allowing myself to relax with my tics has been the best method of counteracting a long and painful buildup," Bronson said.

Destigmatizing the condition

The taboo surrounding chronic health conditions such as Tourette syndrome is the hardest pattern to break in the dating world. Confronting the stigma requires partners to be strong allies, but before pouring your love into others, direct it inward.

"Show yourself compassion and grace," Bronson said. "Whether you're looking for something intimate and serious or just casual dating, having love and understanding for yourself and your TS will benefit you in every way."