How Can You Craft Your Ideal Dating Bio?

Key Points

• It can take a lot of swipes to find Mr. Right, but crafting the right bio may make it easier.
• Get specific in your online dating bio to help weed out people who aren't a great fit.
• Choose images that share who you are and what you're about.

You swipe, swipe, swipe and a match pops up. Now, you're both sitting there trying to figure out what to say first. What exactly do you expect from someone who's read your online dating bio that lists "I love tacos" as an interesting fact about you?

Your bio can help, and maybe you'll never have to message someone first.

Is online dating worth it?

Online dating can be exhausting. If you've had a less-than-great experience, it might be difficult to overcome the fear of dating again. Still, it could be worth it.

The average American spends about eight months on dating apps and swipes through nearly 4,000 profiles before finding a partner, according to a 2023 Shane Co. report.

While online dating can seem like a numbers game, it doesn't need to be. The key to finding the right match without having to send the first message is to shift your mindset. Instead of having the most impressive dating app bio, try crafting something that is equally a true representation of yourself and the connection you're looking for.

Heterosexual women are 3.5 times less likely to message first on dating apps compared to heterosexual men, according to OkCupid. With the odds already in women's favor to receive a message first, the next obstacle is finding someone you want to meet and get to know.

Bring the matches and, more importantly, the conversation to you.

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How do you craft your dating app bio?

There are staples every bio should have, and leaving those blank or filling them with generic, "likable" info won't do you any favors. The idea is to make your profile do part of the work for you.

When determining the parts of yourself you want to share, start by asking yourself which aspects of being in a relationship are important to you, said Daniel Rich, L.M.C.H., a licensed psychotherapist in New York City. This will guide what you share on an app instead of posting a highlight reel of your life.

Choosing images

An easy way to start a conversation without messaging first is to ensure your images include something—perhaps an activity—that will cause someone who relates or recognizes it to start a conversation engaging specifically with that thing.

It could be a musician's merch or a recognizable T-shirt from a brand you love. It could be imagery from a movie you're obsessed with or a book you love. No matter what it is, it should be a specific niche interest of yours that others may share and feel compelled to message you about.

These images should be important to you and reflect your uniqueness to offer an easy topic for people to connect with or be curious about. The point is to stick out and not have the same image found on a bunch of other profiles.

Lean into pics that really represent you.

The 'About You' section

Make it easy for someone to send a message that says anything but the generic "Hey," or "How are you?" by putting a specific prompt in your profile. Even if the app doesn't have space for it, get creative. Each of these prompts should represent something specific about you or something you want to connect on or spend time doing with this potential partner.

This can be a prompt for other app users to ask you about. It can be a hot take, an unpopular opinion or a random special talent. It should be something you like to talk about or feel passionate about.

It should not be something that will offend your intended audience. This is not the place to share too much information. An example could be, "I know what happens after the season finale of 'The Sopranos.' Ask me about Tony."

Pose a specific question. Make it about something you are deeply invested in that's niche. It can be open-ended or multiple-choice. For inspiration, you can look at viral moments online, as they create a lot of conversation.

Who's hotter: Robert DeNiro or Al Pacino? Favorite Barbie movie quote? For the taco lovers who can't let it go, ask about someone's favorite taco and give multiple choices. (You can do better, but a lot of people love tacos.)

You can leverage sharing two truths and lie about yourself. Include two things that reflect who you are or how you spend your time and a third believable option you'd consider doing on a date.

Make sure each one has a special anecdote or formative experience that you want to share with people you'd date. This could be a funny fact about your childhood, something not a lot of people know about you and an activity you'd like to do but haven't, which would be the lie: "I was on the golf team in high school, I can name every state's capital and I've driven across the country twice."

Driving across the country is a lie, but maybe you want to take a long road trip, and this is a segue to talk about that.

What can you do to get better results when you're online dating?

Setting up your bio is just a fraction of the process, and it will bring you people with similar interests, but alignment within a relationship comes from similar intentions and views on relationships. It's not exactly the love-at-first-sight experience like in the movies.

"If you present only your best foot forward but leave out the core elements of who you are, you're kind of working against yourself," said Christina Mancuso, L.C.S.W., a licensed psychotherapist at Clarity Therapy NYC in New York City. "There's a bigger probability that you're going to meet someone who is not aligned with who you are. They'll only be aligned with how you look."

It comes down to not only displaying who you are—name, job, city—but how you are.

Being vulnerable in this way can be challenging for some people, and repeatedly letting someone in can feel fruitless. Knowing your intentions and sharing them with people you meet on dating apps can weed out daters you may not need to spend time getting to know.

Understand your intentions and what you want, explore how you would like to live within a relationship and keep in mind the average areas of your life, rather than an idealized perfection.

"It's unrealistic to find that in someone and it's unrealistic to set that expectation for yourself," Mancuso said.

The bottom line

Dating apps do widen the pool of who is available to you, but too many options can be overwhelming. Being intentional about your bio and the subsequent conversations it sparks can lead to fewer aimless conversations that don't turn into meet-ups.

Getting to know someone through a screen is difficult, but letting someone know about yourself doesn't need to be.