Pleasure can be derived from multiple forms of stimulation, including to the vagina, anus, labia, perineum, breasts, inner thighs and beyond.
Sex and the Vagina: A Visitor's Guide
Pleasuring a partner's vagina (and vulva, and more) doesn't have to be difficult.
It's time to begin what may be one of the most critical sexual journeys a person can take: a guide to a thorough understanding of a woman's pleasure. While no two women are alike, and sources of pleasure can vary, overall comprehension makes all the difference. From manual stimulation to oral sex to penetration, this section will guide the visitor through how to help their partner achieve orgasm and what steps to take when it's hard for her to get there.
A brief anatomy lesson
We begin with the basics: anatomy. The vagina is a muscular canal that is penetrated during vaginal sex. The vulva—labia, clitoris, vaginal opening and urethra—makes up the outer portion of the female genitalia.
The clitoris is the No. 1 pleasure center. The external portion, the glans clitoris, is pea-sized and found just below the meeting of the labia and above the urethra. With more than 15,000 nerve endings, the clitoris is highly sensitive and plays a key role in orgasm for the vast majority of women. Of course, pleasure can be derived from multiple forms of stimulation, including to the vagina, anus, labia, perineum, breasts, inner thighs and beyond. At the end of the day, pleasure is about what gets her engine revving.
Women can climax through a variety of ways: clitoral, vaginal and anal stimulation, as well as stimulation of the G-spot, A-spot, C-spot, nipples, or even from fantasy alone.
Made by hand
Let's move on to perhaps the surest way to help a woman reach orgasm: manual stimulation of the clitoris. Best done while using a body-safe lubricant, you or your partner can play with her clitoris with fingers or clitoral stimulation toys. Try rubbing up and down, back and forth, and tracing circles around the clitoris. You can also manually stimulate the inside of the vagina and excite internal portions of the clitoris at the same time. If she's comfortable with it, anal stimulation can amp up the excitement and the pleasure. Dual or triple stimulation—combining clitoral, vaginal and/or anal—ups the ante further and may lead to more intense orgasms.
Oral fixation
Also known as cunnilingus, oral sex performed on a female partner involves using your mouth, lips and tongue to stimulate her genitals. You might start with gently kissing her inner thighs, before gently spreading her labia. Kiss and lick gently at first, then more firmly to see what she likes. You can move up and down or in circles, and try different rhythms and pressure. There are more than 8,000 nerve endings in the glans clitoris alone, so focus there. She may enjoy vaginal stimulation with your fingers while you tongue the clitoris. While it may surprise you, not all women enjoy receiving oral sex, so your partner's preferences are important. If she's into it, studies show more than half of women orgasm through oral sex. However, it's not without risks—you can get herpes, gonorrhea and syphilis from performing oral sex. Dental dams can keep you both safe.
Difficulty climaxing (anorgasmia) is an extremely common problem for women.
Consider penetration
Let's continue on to the most commonly practiced form of love-making for heterosexual couples: penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex, or vaginal penetration by the penis. You can also employ a variety of sex toys (dildos, vibrators) or a strap-on to penetrate a partner. Anal sex involves penetration of the anus by a penis, finger(s) or sex toys. The anus doesn't provide its own natural lubricant like the vagina, so be sure to use lube (vaginal sex can also benefit from this addition). Penetrative sex can involve much more than simply pulling in and out of a partner. Try moving at different speeds and depths and varying the rhythm. You can also change positions to switch the feel and the visual stimulation you're both enjoying, or add sex toys or manual stimulation. Keep in mind that only about 25 percent of women get off on PIV alone; adding clitoral stimulation can help ensure she orgasms.
All the ways to come
Not to completely blow your mind, but not all female orgasms are the same. As many as 24 types of orgasms have been identified in women, and the number and variety are still under scientific debate. Some researchers consider anal, vaginal and clitoral orgasms as distinct responses involving different nerve pathways and activating different parts of the brain. Others argue that the clitoris is involved in each, so all orgasms are clitoral orgasms. Regardless, women can climax through a variety of ways: clitoral, vaginal and anal stimulation, as well as stimulation of the G-spot (on the front vaginal wall), A-spot, C-spot (cervix), nipples, even from fantasy alone. It's important to remember that no one form of orgasm is better than another—however your partner gets there is all that counts.
An estimated 75 percent of women experience dyspareunia at some point in their lives.
When orgasms prove elusive
Difficulty climaxing (anorgasmia) is an extremely common problem for women. While a very small number (5 to 10 percent) of women experience primary anorgasmia and have never been able to orgasm, the vast majority who have difficulty experience secondary or situational anorgasmia. In the former, they previously had orgasms but now have difficulty reaching climax; in the latter, they are able to orgasm only in certain situations, such as during masturbation.
With such a partner, start by focusing on clitoral stimulation. Adding lube and toys (clitoral vibrators or suction cups), and experimenting with different positions can help. If an underlying issue (pain, relationship problems, stress, anxiety or depression, female sexual dysfunction, certain medications, chronic health conditions) is at play, your partner should see a doctor to receive a full evaluation and recommended treatment. A sex therapist can also help you work through the issue as a couple, identify potential problems and formulate solutions.
When pain intervenes
Lastly, let's go over an uncomfortable truth: sometimes sex hurts. Pain during sex, or dyspareunia, may be related to a variety of diagnosable conditions, including endometriosis, vaginismus, uterine fibroids, vaginal dryness, skin disorders, infections or certain cancer treatments. Sometimes the source of discomfort is unknown. An estimated 75 percent of women experience dyspareunia at some point in their lives, and it's more common after menopause.
A number of remedies can help. Have sex when you're both relaxed and use lube. Communicate about pain, and stop if she's uncomfortable. Before sex, a warm bath and ibuprofen can help. After sex, a cool ice pack can reduce any irritation of the vulva. Desensitization therapies and Kegel exercises can also reduce pain. Infectious causes of pain (including yeast and urinary tract infections) should be treated by a doctor, and in such a case, your partner should refrain from sex until she's feeling better. If your partner has unexplained sexual pain, she should see her doctor because this can be caused by an array of problems, some more serious than others.
This is the end of your journey through women's pleasure—hopefully, for the sake of your female partner, you learned a lot. Educating yourself shows just how much you value her happiness, and both of your sex lives will be the better for it.
As many as 24 types of orgasms have been identified in women, and the number and variety are still under scientific debate.