How to Give Women Great Head, By Women

Every woman is different when it comes to how she wants to receive oral sex. Some love it slow and gentle, while others want it hot and fast. While giving head to a woman might not be as straightforward as giving head to a man, knowing basic guidelines can make it easier and more satisfying.

Some men (and women) avoid cunnilingus because of concerns around taste or smell, or due to a simple lack of know-how. While there are some universal tips, such as going slow, exploring her whole body and definitely not biting her clitoris, the key point here is an openness to learning.

Here's what female sex coaches and sexologists have to say, providing a step-by-step guide.

1. Validate her

Some of the sexiest words for women to hear are, "I love your p---y," "I love how you taste" or "I could do this all day." We're self-conscious about how we smell and taste, and how our pubic hair looks. Hearing some reassurance helps us relax and feel less self-conscious.

"Women want to know that what you are doing to them also turns you on," said Domina Doll, of Nova Scotia, a certified sex expert and passion, pleasure and empowerment coach for women. She advised making some noise, moaning and giving verbal encouragement like "You're so sexy" or "You're really turning me on."

2. Extend foreplay

Since most men don't mind a quick transition from kissing to getting a blowjob, they tend to do the same when going down on a woman. They make one swooping motion from our lips to the clitoris, forgetting other important erogenous zones, such as the neck, boobs, waist, hips and thighs.

"Don't just go straight for her p---y," Doll advised. "Take lots of time to warm her up and turn her on first by making out."

Studies indicate most women want foreplay to last about 20 minutes, so don't rush into oral. See cunnilingus as the main event and include plenty of foreplay before getting to it.

3. Tease her and build anticipation

Coming close to the clitoris without actually touching it builds arousal and makes the moment of tongue-on-clitoris so much better.

"Draw out the anticipation as much as possible," said Suzannah Weiss, a board-certified sexologist and sex educator in Los Angeles.

Spend a while just kissing her, then kiss your way down her body. Next, kiss and caress her breasts and nipples, and linger on her inner thighs before reaching the vulva itself, Weiss advised.

The slower, the better. Take time to lick next to the clitoris but not actually on it. By the time you reach the vulva, she should be begging for your tongue.

4. Get to the action

Now we can finally start the real work.

First, know the clitoris is not just the tiny external nub you can see, said Rebecca Alvarez, a sexologist and the co-founder and CEO of Bloomi, a BIPOC- and sexologist-led wellness platform and brand based in Oakland, California. The clitoris has two internal legs called crura with thousands of nerve endings, so use your tongue to stimulate the whole area.

Try different techniques

How you move your tongue will feel different to each woman. Try relaxing your tongue to make it flatter or tensing to make it pointier as you're licking.

Experiment with moving your tongue up and down, side to side, and in clockwise and counterclockwise circles, or try sucking on the clit, Weiss recommended.

Stimulate above and below the hood

Some women might not like much direct contact with the clitoris itself and will prefer stimulation on the clitoral hood instead.

"Start from below the clitoris and move your tongue upward until you feel a little nub jutting out. That's the clit. If you move it further up, you'll feel a softer piece of skin, which is likely the clitoral hood. You can try stimulating your partner above and below the hood and see what she prefers," Weiss explained.

5. Read the signs

Be observant and responsive after trying different techniques. See how her body reacts when you touch certain areas or move your tongue in a particular way. Heavy breathing and moans of pleasure mean you should keep doing what you're doing. Once you see she's enjoying something, don't stop.

"Consistency in technique and rhythm is key for many women to orgasm," Doll said. "Changing it up constantly can be distracting and break her mood, especially if she is on the edge of orgasm."

Final tips

Since most women can't orgasm from penetration alone, both men and women should see oral sex as the main event. Giving women amazing head is a way to help narrow the orgasm gap and bring more satisfaction to both parties.

The next time you're giving head, try to incorporate elements such as building anticipation or playing with different techniques. While you may not become a master of cunnilingus overnight, you'll become a pro over time with patience and practice.