Do Altruists Have More Sex?

Key Points

• Altruism is defined as a selfless concern for others' well-being.
• Research indicates having an altruistic personality could lead to more and better sex in casual and committed relationships.
• This may be an evolutionary phenomenon that's helped our species survive.

For centuries, selfless acts, particularly ones involving genuine sacrifice, have bewildered evolutionary psychologists, including Charles Darwin. After all, running into a burning building to save a stranger's pet may level up your karma, but it won't necessarily help you survive.

Finally, researchers have offered a potential explanation backed by rigorous scientific evidence and humankind's love of firefighters (especially firefighters with cats).

Altruists are sexy.

What are altruistic motives?

The definition of altruism, from a psychological standpoint, is "a selfless concern for the well-being of others," according to Lisa Lawless, Ph.D., a clinical psychotherapist and sexologist and the CEO of Holistic Wisdom in Bend, Oregon.

Altruistic people tend to be open-minded and accepting and have a high degree of empathy and cooperativeness.

"Altruism also indicates that someone is conscientious of others and strives to make ethical decisions," she said. "This also means there is a tendency for high moral reasoning driven by a sense of justice."

What is competitive altruism?

"Competitive altruism refers to acts of kindness motivated by a desire to outperform or gain an advantage over others," said Martha Tara Lee, D.H.S., an AASECT-certified sex educator and clinical sexologist with Eros Coaching in Singapore.

Men, in particular, are inclined to engage in competitive altruism in front of potential mates, according to a 2012 study published in Evolutionary Psychology. The more attractive someone wants to become, the greater lengths they're willing to go to.

"An example could be someone engaging in public displays of charity or volunteering to enhance their image and attract potential partners," Lee said. "While these acts may have some altruistic elements, they are not purely altruistic as they are driven by self-interest."

What does the research say about altruism and sex?

Previous research indicates that, all other factors being equal, heterosexual women tend to prioritize a kind personality over a handsome face—at least in long-term relationships.

In a pair of more recent studies, researchers investigated whether having an altruistic personality could be a boon in the bedroom. The findings were published in the British Journal of Psychology in 2016.

In the first study, researchers surveyed 192 unmarried women and 105 unmarried men about their sexual histories, current sex lives and altruistic tendencies. Participants were asked, among other things, whether they'd helped push a stranger's car out of the snow or donated blood.

They found respondents who scored higher on self-reported altruism also reported they felt more desirable to the opposite sex, had more sex partners in their lifetime—including casual hookups—and had sex more frequently within committed relationships.

This held even after taking into account their age and personality, the study authors wrote. Altruism's effect appeared to be more pronounced in men than women, leading researchers to posit that men, in particular, may use acts of kindness to attract casual partners.

There's only so much truth to be gleaned from self-reports, especially where sex is involved. That's where the second study comes in. This time, researchers gathered 335 female and 189 male college students and told them they'd been entered into a $100 cash drawing.

They asked participants what they'd do with the money if they won: keep it or donate it to a charity of their choice.

Those willing to donate their earnings reported having more lifetime sex partners, casual sex partners and partners in the last year, the study authors wrote. Guys who were willing to donate also reported having more lifetime dating partners.

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Why is having an altruistic personality attractive?

Researchers propose that behaving altruistically could suggest to others you possess desirable qualities, such as kindness, generosity and the willingness to cooperate. Moreover, people who give parts of themselves may have more to offer in the first place, which could appeal to humans' primitive desire to select strong, healthy mates.

"Altruism could also signal a high level of moral character and emotional intelligence and the ability to protect and care for a partner and future offspring," Lawless said.

Nice people tend to be healthier, happier, less stressed and have higher self-esteem, according to Mayo Clinic.

There's no evidence that most people do nice things just to get laid, nor are most even aware it could help. A propensity toward altruism is more likely a product of certain personality traits—agreeableness, conscientiousness and extraversion, to name a few—rather than a conscious strategic technique.

However, because it helps to attract mates and support functional, positive social structures, it's likely this trait will have been favored by natural selection over time.

Why does having an altruistic personality matter more for men?

It's unclear why altruism may have a more significant impact on men's sex lives than women's.

One plausible explanation is that men consistently self-report having more sex and sexual partners than women, according to a 2019 analysis published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Evolution and societal and cultural norms may also come into play, according to Lawless.

"Because men have historically been positioned as providers and protectors, altruistic men signal their ability to bear the sacrifice of altruism and still thrive, making them more attractive to potential mates," she said. "On the other hand, women have always been expected to be nurturing and caring, so their altruistic behaviors are often perceived as more of an expectation than an extraordinary quality."

The same factors could also contribute to participants' behaviors and survey responses, whether consciously or not.

The bottom line

Going out of your way to do nice things for others could yield significant benefits for your health and sex life, especially if you act with altruistic motives. There's no doubt a "bad" reputation has a certain allure, but an altruistic personality may get you further than a leather jacket and seductive swagger when it comes to long-term partnerships.